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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I can’t cope with this pain anymore

32 replies

FirstTimeMum1991 · 24/04/2020 23:52

Hi everyone,

I’m reaching out for help really.
I am 7 months pregnant and have discovered my husbands affair (which I thought was over) never ended and he has basically left me for her.

I am in so much pain, I am laying here not wanting to go on any longer and I need someone to assure me I’m going to get through this because right now I don’t want to continue.

OP posts:
sempereadem1 · 24/04/2020 23:54

You will get through this. You really really will.

I'm sorry you are in so much pain and he has done this to you.

Who do you have that is able to support you right now?

Aerial2020 · 24/04/2020 23:54
Flowers
Sosounhappy · 24/04/2020 23:56

You will get through it I promise

BigBairyHollocks · 24/04/2020 23:57

Yon will get through this,I promise you will.For now,just worry about tonight.Make yourself a strong cup of tea,call someone in real life if you can.You will be ok.x

assaggyastwohotbollocks · 24/04/2020 23:59

You will, I promise you will. You will not only get through this but you will have the better deal. She's got a cheat and a liar... you have a beautiful innocent baby. I know it hurts now but this is giving you the chance to start your family and add the right man for you in the future

Betelgeyse · 25/04/2020 00:01

😢😢 offers handhold

DocusDiplo · 25/04/2020 00:01

FlowersFlowersFlowers

Wynston · 25/04/2020 00:03

Hand hold op........agree with the others you will get through this.
You have the most amazing adventure about to begin......when is baby due??

Survivingchipandkippee · 25/04/2020 00:03

I’m sorry this has happened. Do you have any friends of family to give you support?

Gtugccbjb · 25/04/2020 00:07

I was cheated on and left during a planned pregnancy. Cried everyday for about 4 months. Felt so embarrassed etc. Then one day I woke up about two weeks before the birth and started to feel better. When baby came it was hard but I never shed another tear over him. By time baby was one I was completely over it and could see it was best thing that could of happened.
It will be OK... in time xx

Isadora2007 · 25/04/2020 00:07

Oh bless you. You and your baby are worth a thousand of him and his floozy. You’re better off without him even though it hurts so much right now. You WILL get through this and you WILL be happy again. Can you go and be with anyone just now? Parents? Family? Friends?
Flowers

Gtugccbjb · 25/04/2020 00:10

Can I also add- the stress I went through really effected me physically. I’m not sure I’ve ever totally recovered in terms of health. It’s really taught me to try and follow that mantra about “it’s not what happens to you that matters but how you deal with it”

Come on girl, life will get better. Especially if it’s first baby!? Best prize ever.

indemMUND · 25/04/2020 00:10

You have a teeny baby in there who will love you unconditionally and be the light of your life from the second you set eyes on them. She's got sloppy seconds and has made her bed, she'll reap what she's sown in the long run. Him, he's an absolute cunt.
Thanks You will get through this, you are the only one in this shitty triangle who gets the best outcome. You have your baby, you're not alone. Every little kick you feel is just for you. A bond that they can't impose on. Fuck the pair of them. They don't deserve your tears. The joy you've got coming to you is something they can't take away from you. Take it day by day. And please take special care of yourself. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Original poster
FirstTimeMum1991 · 25/04/2020 00:15

Thank you everyone.
My baby is due in July.
I just feel like I am never going to get through it. Why her? Why not me? He was my everything and I feel I’ve been left with nothing. I have family here but don’t want to wake them.

OP posts:
newstarting · 25/04/2020 00:20

You’ll get through this and we are all here for you

Lolliloo1234 · 25/04/2020 00:23

@FirstTimeMum1991

Love, if you were my family and feeling like this and I was in the same house, I would want you to wake me. I may sit there with my eyes prized open and drinking coffee but I’d want to be there for my family who can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I’ve been cheated on and I’m divorced (I’m your age judging by your screen name). I promise you that it does get better, you have a lovely baby coming and in July, you will love them more than you ever loved him. Focus on them and what you’re about to gain.

P.s. what an absolute wanker.

Italiangreyhound · 25/04/2020 00:30

You will come through this and experience such love with your baby.

You don't just love your baby, you fall in love with your baby. A brilliant, amazing journey is going to start for you very soon. And your stupid wanker of an ex is going to miss seeing it all up close. He's let you down, but you can support your baby and find a future together.

Thanks [heart]

Griselda1 · 25/04/2020 00:59

At this stage you don't realise that you deserve better but I'm sure you can see that your baby deserves so much more than a father like him.
I wish you the very best and strength in the coming months.

SandyY2K · 25/04/2020 02:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maras2 · 25/04/2020 02:21

sandyy2k
That is OP's post.

Onthemaintrunkline · 25/04/2020 02:38

You will get through this, right now it’s the dark before the dawn. In time, given time you WILL recover. You have a child coming, a child for you to love and cherish. Your husband sought company elsewhere because he lacks morals, decency and honesty. He is not a person I’d be wanting to go through life with. Right now you most probably won’t appreciate my comments, I am sorry you are grieving, grieving for what you have lost, but I wonder how much of what you have lost was real? I wish you only the best as you begin a new chapter in your life.

Tomasinaa · 25/04/2020 03:52

It's going to be hard but soon you'll have your baby here to focus on.

And i know this is for down the line but please don't worry about having to hand your baby over for overnights or days at a time for a very long time. Little and often is the best way with infants/babies/toddlers. Don't let anyone bully you into thinking any different.

You're about to experience the most amazing unconditional love. You and baby are a formidable team and you will come out of this stronger and happier in the long run.

Did you really want a life with this man, who'd already cheated, always wondering if he'd do it again? Think of it as a lucky escape. For now, one minute, hour and day at a time. Do whatever small things bring you comfort. She got the short end of the stick. Don't compare yourself to her.

Toutsain · 25/04/2020 04:12

It may not be much consolation but you are definitely not alone. Lots of us have had similar experiences - myself included - and come out of all the pain into a wonderful life, with wisdom that can only come from experience. Right now this inadequate excuse for a man seems like your everything, but within weeks, months, years you will gradually see him as less and less important. Give yourself crying and grieving time, and then move forward. When this happened to me I decided to go on a Vipassana meditation course to make sure I got over the negative emotions before having my baby. Hope you can do something similar, albeit at home. Whatever else, do not blame yourself. He’s not good enough for you. Let him go and move on with your life. Sending you love and compassion, and lots of hope for the future.

TwistyHair · 25/04/2020 06:20

How are you doing this morning? Did you get any sleep?

unicornsarereal72 · 25/04/2020 07:14

This will pass. And you will be ok because your baby needs you.

There is nothing more painful than a broken heart. Especially when it wasn't expected. You deserve better. You know that but right now be kind to yourself. And make sure you drink and eat when you can.

Time to be as strong as you can. He has made his choice. Let him. Clear boundaries.

Bag up his stuff and put it in the shed or garage. He doesn't get to wonder in and out for stuff. Move things around a little. New sheets for the bed. Make your space your own. And baby ready.

Cms for child support once baby is here and clear contact times so you know he isn't just going to turn up.

Who do you want as your birthing partner. Make a plan now this looks. The midwives will keep him away if that's what you want.

Lean on family and friends for emotional support. And your gp and midwife. Let other listen to you.

Block him on social media. Don't be breaking. Your heart over what ifs. She has no prize. You don't need to give it anymore head space than necessary. Hard as that is.

If you feel like pouring your heart out to him. Or communicating. Never do it in anger. Write something out as draft. Amend it taking out any emotion and sit on it for few hours before sending. This is business now so treat it accordingly.

Gather good people around you and in time this will pass.