I don't have any friends

[Jojobar]

Realised this today when I was reading a thread on here about the lockdown and zoom parties and whatnot...

I don't do anything like that. I have lots of acquaintances but they're not people I call or hear from much or at all (like, I 'know' about 300 people on Facebook, but they're mostly people I was at school or uni with, or worked with in the distant past, extended family etc) but real close friends I have none. I don't have anyone I could call in an emergency, I don't have any immediate family other than my children. I had one really good friend in my 20s but we lost touch. She died a few years ago and never getting back in contact with her is one of the biggest regrets of my life. My closest friend now lives 300 miles away and I only speak to her a few times a year. I've got a group of local mums I know to talk to and meet u with maybe once or twice a year, but they all have better friends than our group, and as our children have become adults we've become less linked anyway. I also have a small group of school friends but they really only contact me when they need something (last year I spent every weekend for 2 months helping one of them with an urgent problem, which was physically draining, once it was resolved I've heard nothing from her since even though I've messaged her several times. Mutual friend says she can't reply to messages sent on certain apps...

I've subconsciously known this for a while. It never mattered much before because I was in a relationship and he didn't have any friends.. not even any acquaintances really, just his small family. But though I thought we'd be together for the rest of our lives we've all now split up after 6 years, and I realise I'm now on my own, with no one.

I've no idea how to make friends certainly not in my 40s. Most women my age have their close friends already, I can't see how I could build anything other than more acquaintances which tbh I already have.

Hey,

Easiest way is to get a hobby and go to a group setting to do said hobby.

Are you quite a closed off person?

I don't really do hobbies. I used to parkrun last year but ours is really small, mostly people with their families and friends so no one really talks to anyone else.

I wouldn't say I'm a closed off person. Like I say I know lots of people, but none of them are friends in the true sense, I'm on the periphery of their circles.

I'm the same, lots of acquaintances and work friends but no real friends. I just seem to have drifted away from people over the last few years. It's so hard to meet people.

Yes I have people I chat to at work but they all have close groups of non work friends.
My only active WhatsApp conversation is a group chat with my work team. And that's only because we're all working from home.

I’m in the same too and in my 40s

Join groups on social media, find local ones with local people. Get to know online and perhaps after time meet up?

Theres a private facebook group been started on here 7 days ago, Where people can join.
It was started after a similar thread.

@BunnytheHoneyBee

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3881432-I-feel-like-I-don-t-have-any-close-friends

This is the link... I hope

The link to the other thread....

Not the Facebook group

Thanks, I will take a look. it's nice to know I'm not the only one.

What about joining your local W.I group, after lockdown ends. They may not all be older retired women, mine certainly isn’t.

If you are good at art and craft activities all the better, for W.I.

I'm not sure I'm really the WI type, I don't do arts, crafts or any kind of baking. I also have a feeling it may be daytime meetings which would be out...but I'll look into it.

If I'm honest the problem is I miss my Ex a great deal. He was my best friend. He wanted us to stay friends but I couldn't agree to that. it's all a bit shit right now.

I know how this feels. I am in exactly the same boat.
I split a few months ago and moved to a new town.
I was hoping to forge a new social circle but have been thwarted by the lockdown.
I don't have a single friend I could call up and talk to.
I just feel so miserable and alone.

I’m in the same boat. I have one friend who lives hundreds of miles away and it’s always me initiating contact. I suggested we zoom but she’s not interested. I’d love a group of friends to zoom with. Even my school mum “friends” won’t zoom me because they’ve all been busy every evening zooming their real friends that they need an evening off. I’m always the “person who can be dropped”. I did start to make a new friend through the kids but she has 8 friends from school that all live walking distance from her and they holiday together. She’s known them and been friends with them for 35 years. How can I even get a look in?!? I just don’t know why I haven’t been able to have the same, I think I’m a nice person but I’m never anybody’s first choice. I’ve actually decided to move house to a new area. I’ve got nothing to lose. I’m going to pick an area where people move to later in life. Somewhere like Bournemouth in the hope that there will be other people living there who don’t have a tonne of school friends and need new friends.

It's really very common and no way are you alone in this. I think having a bunch of really close friends is actually much rarer than a casual read on MN would suggest.
If you really want to increase your chances the only way is to take risks. Talk to more people, open up more, join in with more things. Not with the idea of making close friends but making friends. One or two of these might get closer but you can't push it it takes years in my experience.

Same here, I have tried to make friends but it always fizzles out so I given up. The only friend I have who I go out with every few months is a couple who is my male friend, go figures.

I am happy though with my family.

Do you actually want close friends, or do you just feel like you should have them? I felt like you a while back, and considered all the things I could do to try and make friends. The truth is I couldn't be bothered. I eventually realised that I don't have the energy for any more close friendships than I have.

I don't have friends that are always on the phone, popping in, going out shopping with, lunching, nights out. I have long term friends who although have their own lives and we don't see each other often, when we do meet up it's like we only saw each other the week before.

I think lots of us are the same. I moved town and looked at Meetup and the WI, but I work full time and can't join in with WI stuff here. The Meetup things are sparse because of where I live and the ones I did attend were cringe-inducing. I tried talking to people in the gym but they were not having it. No mummy friends as I've no kids. The people I work with are nice but they're almost entirely male and I live a commute away. It would be nice to meet some women in my age group but it's getting like bloody dating!

This was me - I didn't notice until my children went to university. But I have made good friends since by doing things I enjoy and meeting others who enjoy the same things. There are many many interesting women in their 40s and 50s feeling the same. Don't going looking for friendship, just let it evolve gradually from shared interest that then widens out into going other things together.

I feel the same, I’m 40 and I split up with my ex a couple of months ago and feel really alone. He was the person I was closest to in the world and he’s now moved on with someone else so staying friends with him isn’t an option.

I am friends with a few people from work and have another friend who I meet up with every few months but don’t have anymore I could call on in an emergency apart from family who live quite a distance away.

I’m not a social butterfly and struggle with big group events so going to classes/meet up events makes me feel anxious and lockdown has put a stop to doing anything like that anyway.

I would love Just one or two close friends to actually spend time with.

I'd like to have someone to give a shit about me. Like...I split up with my long term partner a few weeks ago. In the period since I've either not heard from any of the people I know, or if I have it's been sending a dumb meme or tagging me in some shit on FB....no one has even generally asked how I am, so I've not had the opportunity to mention we're no longer together. Which I guess sums it up. I do think on the whole that I'm a better and more reliable friend to others but I always get very little back. It's disheartening.

What I really want is my Ex back except I don't because he won't acknowledge how badly he behaved or how he doesn't respect me. And I can't have a relationship with someone like that however well we get on, not even a friendship.

I honestly feel like this is the norm.

I had a night out with girls I used to go to school with after bumping into them and my god - it was hell! No growth and a lot of drama and bitchiness. They thought I was a weirdo because I took issue with them using fa#got in casual conversation. It was a wonder we were ever friends.

I met a really nice girl doing a local "Boogie Bounce" class who I've kept in contact with. Try local yoga or gym groups and make it a think to go as regularly as possible so you see the same faces.