DD’s dad has had another baby and not mentioned it. Do I say anything?

[TeddyIsaHe]

DD’s dad and j get on reasonably well - we can happily talk about Dd, and he does see her regularly.

A few months ago Dd came home saying from nursery saying she had a new sister! She’s 3, so I just put it down to a game she had played.

My sister has seen on social media that he did in fact have a baby a couple of months ago. Now I don’t care what happens in their home, Dd is always happy and healthy when she comes home, there’s been no change in her behaviour at all, so I’m not worried about that. Just thought it may be courtesy to let me know something that huge was happening is DD’s life?! It’s been so so long since we broke up I don’t know whether I bring it up or not?

I really don’t want to rock the boat, and he hasn’t missed a single weekend with Dd, so it seems like it could just make things difficult for something that hasn’t changed anything.

In lockdown (obviously) so no one else to sound this off against atm.

I'd ask for his new address and say it's just in case of emergency. Keep it light.

However that is thoughtlessness on a grand scale.

When your DD said she was a big sister you thought she was pretending. Of course that's confusing. You'll have answered questions based on incorrect information. It's good practice to tell all carers, including nursery, childminder etc. of big changes in a preschool child's life including a house move, new siblings, divorce, bereavement precisely because children process in unexpected ways and at unexpected times and can become worried or confused at a different point. The fact her dad has talked to her doesn't mean she doesn't need all her carers to know about big changes so as to be able to reassure or support or simply answer questions correctly to avoid confusion and worry.

People saying that they don't see the issue or don't think it's a big deal are being deliberately obtuse or are genuinely dangerously low on emotional intelligence.

Exactly @anothernotherone, you’ve perfectly voiced my concerns, thank you!

He is very thoughtless and always enjoyed making my life a living hell, but I honestly thought he’d actually give the impact to Dd SOME thought during this. Clearly I was being a bit too generous with my assumptions.

Don’t ask to be informed of life choices that sounds Arden. Just say oh did says you had another baby congratulations! Otherwise he may go on the defensive

He should have told you so that you could help support your daughter.

I am a step mum and when I had my son we told my step daughters mums after 20 week scan so they all had time to adjust and cope.

For the mum it was shock (even if you don't want your ex back it's still a shock) and then before my baby was born the mum could start to explain how it was all going to work and be supportive.

As co parents I think this is how it should work!

We didn’t tell my partners ex when I got pregnant with our first or our second.

Communication wasn’t good and neither of us could be bothered with her shit.

She found out a week after our first was born on a night out with her friends🤷🏼‍♀️

@SunShine682

If there are young children involved it's not the kind of news that isn't to be shared... whether you can be bothered with the ex's shit or not!

The issue here isn't that one partner is having a baby, it's that you continue to co-parent to the existing child/children and all parents should be on the same page re massive changes in the child's life to protect/support them against any fallout.

@Isitweekendyet - if you say so but when the ex is an utter twat sometimes you don’t feel like sharing so we didn’t.

Considering the mother was doing things a lot more damaging to her daughter and the co-parenting relationship at the time I don’t regret the decision.

I preferred to enjoy my pregnancy and birth instead of dealing with some lunatic ranting and raving constantly about it.

It wouldn’t be your place to her though it would be your partners.

Also what about the kids as siblings will they not bond? This is what is upsetting when people have new families what about the kids??

I wonder if he thought it would hurt you because he is with the mother and they are a family whereas you split pregnant?

I wouldn't say anything. It isn't worth any fallout.

Just focus on bringing up your DD to know SHE can talk to you about anything so she'll tell you what she needs to.

I wouldn't be sending my dd to her Dad's if I didn't know where they lived.

Oh op I know how you feel ds2 dad did this exact thing.
I dont care who he has a baby with but I should know to prepare my child for having a younger sibling.
Ds2 dad is a bit of a nightmare though but in your situation I would just calmly explain that you would of liked to know so you can support her in becoming a big sister.

Agree with the poster who said they wouldn't send their child to the fathers house if they didn't know where he lived. I wouldn't either, I would want to know exactly where my child was if they weren't with me.
Maybe the ex isn't even with the mother of his new child? That's why he hasn't said anything, he may not been be having any contact with the new baby.
Maybe they've separated.
There's a lot you don't seem to know about the person your dd spends so much time with OP. Do you know any of his family members? His parents or siblings? If so I'm surprised they haven't said anything to you.