Social media

[blueblackgreen]

I've just read another thread and it's prompted me to start this one.

Instagram/Facebook/Snapchat do all men follow, look at, like half naked women pages? I stopped following my DP on Instagram ages ago and he hasn't noticed, I stopped because he likes and follows lots of half naked women's pages. Reading another thread has just reminded me of this and I had another snoop and one page he follows and regularly likes pics of is called Pretty skinny girls. I'm neither pretty or skinny. I know I shouldn't have gone snooping before I get roasted for doing it.

DP was single for a very long time before we got together so I get that he in the past has liked/followed these pages but it's niggling at me now and I know if I blurt it out I'm going to sound like an idiot but it really bothers me. I have suspicions too that he messages too but I can't prove it.

my dp doesn't. I wouldn't have any respect for a grown up man who did tbh.

I think most do. Else the pages wouldn't exist in the numbers they do.

Not every guy does this.

DH doesn't use social media and my exes maybe followed Lele Pons or some other famous 'instagram model' but not a lot of pages and none devoted to a certain type of women like pretty skinny girls.
I wouldn't have liked it at all if they did.

I don’t understand why any man would want his public persona associated with this type of thing. Sure look at naked ladies but why do you need everyone you know to be in on it with you?! I’d be embarrassed to be with someone who sellotaped his porn mags to the front of the house. How is this any different?!

Have you spoken to him about it? If my DP said he was uncomfortable with me posting buff firemen photos on my FB (I don’t, but I know people who do!) I’d stop doing it, as the last thing I want to do is make him feel shit about himself.

Can’t say I’ve noticed only weird naked girl pages getting likes. Surely any grown man with a bit of self respect would just look rather than follow and like. They can keep going back and looking without advertising Their wank banks to the world.

That should say any weird rather than only. The shame lol

I'm with @AnnaNimmity

My DH certainly doesn't. I think it's pathetic and creepy for fully grown men to do this, especially when they are married/in committed relationships.

If I were you I'd make him aware of how you feel about it, his reaction and whether or not his behaviour changes will tell you all you need to know about how much (or little) he respects and values you.

Thankyou all. I was half expecting to hear that I was being stupid and I shouldn't have a problem with it.

I haven't said anything to him, but he knows something is off with me today. There's no easy way to broach the issue without it being blatantly obvious I've had a look down the list of what he follows. I'm about a stone overweight and not very comfortable in my own skin which is just making me feel worse.

My DP definitely doesn't do this! He has respect for me and knows that by liking pictures of half naked girls etc would hurt my feelings.

Plus he doesn't really use social media massively although he does have insta / Facebook etc. He just scrolls I guess!

Definitely bring it up and tell him it hurts your feelings. If he dismisses you then he obviously doesn't respect your feelings

Most of these pages are probably from way back when he was single. I feel a bit of a dick just randomly bringing it up though too! And I don't want him to know I've been deliberately looking.

DH does not and never has done. He has more respect for me than that. It's sleezy and pathetic.
If it makes your feel shit then you Defo need to speak up and tell him how it makes your feel. If he cares about your feelings he will listen to and adjust his behavior accordingly.

I wouldn't think it ok if a bloke's in a relationship.

A stone isn't much BTW, I'm sure you'll lose it.

I think the odd one or two women is OK, but if half the people he follows are raunchy, I'd be concerned. And I'd be embarrassed because everyone who knows him could see the pictures he's liking. It's no better than perving on people in front of you with his entire circle of friends and family watching.

It's not all pretty, skinny girls or skinny girls in bikinis 🙄but there are a few Exercise models and women with their arses out. There's a lot of pages of his actual hobbies which outweigh the other stuff. But I can't help but feel like shit about it.

Mine used to follow an account of half naked busty chicks.. then I spotted him liking a few of the pics, back when Instagram used to show you a feed of the activity of those you followed, and I had a good chat with him about how that made me feel. He unfollowed them straight away.

OP, I don't think you'll look like an idiot if you raise this with him. How did you snoop, was it just looking at who he follows? If so that's public information so you haven't strictly snooped, it's not like actually going into his private account. He might not mean any harm by it and actually might not think about it in any depth at all, so I really think you're entitled to tell him how you feel. If he's worth it, he'll listen.

I just took a look at what/who he follows. I unfollowed him a way back when you could see in your newsfeed what people had liked on IG and it was recurring 'babes' this was way before we were serious though or moved in together.

Forgot to add. I'm not confident I can bring it up with him without looking/sounding like a psycho. But ultimately it makes me feel inadequate and uneasy. Like why is he with me when I'm clearly not his type.

Oh I couldn't be arsed with a man like that

Honestly, I said almost that exact thing to my OH - why are you with me when I'm nothing like these girls. I felt like a nutcase too, but he listened and he seemed to understand. I told him it made me feel like I couldn't be attractive to him with my mum tum and tiny boobs and I also told him about how Insta feeds like that make me feel from a more general perspective, ie how they fuel women having negative perceptions of their own figures, society's obsession with women's bodies, men seeing women as objects, etc... we hadn't even been together for that long at the time really.

I think it helps if you frame it to show him that you know how it sounds, you're not telling him what to do, you're just expressing some feelings. Ultimately, you haven't snooped on anything private so you've done nothing wrong, and I believe that if you have a solid foundation and a partner who really cares about you, you can have these sorts of conversations. They might be a bit messy, but they usually get there in the end!

Who cares what you sound/look like for challenging him. Just tell him you were curious and had a look and now you feel repulsed. Tell him you find it inappropriate, tell him it makes you uncomfortable. His reaction will tell you all you need to know.

I have dated men who would in the past.

I will never again date a man who behaves like this!

This is partially thanks to the wonderful world of mumsnet and understanding boundaries, red flags and my self worth.

So other people can see what hes looking at but if you know what he looks at then your psycho? Na stuff that. Just tell him or the situation will never change.

Hang on a sec OP, I'm just going back to this bit: I have suspicions too that he messages too

Why do you think that? Because that is a whole different ballgame to a bit of idle liking of pics (IMO)....

@firebrand123 I suspect messages because he always has lots of IG notifications and Snapchat notifications. I only get them if someone messages me so I'm presuming he's getting messages. He's open with his phone and often gives me it to send a text for him or something but he never says "here look what I just got sent on IG or snapchat.
A long time ago in our early days of dating he told me how some Snapchat model was asking for messages etc to say hello and he sent here a Snapchat saying HI and blowing a kiss. It's all just playing on my mind.
I might have a glass of Dutch courage later and bring it up when the DC are in bed. He knows I'm being off with him today and it's not a discussion I want to have with them in earshot.

@blueblackgreen On IG though, you can get notifications for likes on your photos, comments, etc, so could that be the reason? It could be messages, but it could be a bunch of stuff.

The Snapchat thing is a bit out of order though, that would put me off if I was dating someone. Sounds like he likes to think he's a bit of a lad? How old is he?

How long have you been together, out of interest?