Have NC for this as I've spoken to some friends about it in RL and it could be outing.
My DH, DS and I are living with my parents at the moment during lockdown. DS is 18 months. My parents have a fractious relationship where my mum dominates my dad and he goes along with it for an easy life.
This is a long and complex story but I'll try and summarise being as accurate as possible. It's currently taking up so much headspace and I can't make sense of what's happened. My mum has never been an easy woman to live with, bad tempered and rude but when I moved out to go to live with DH (10 years ago) our relationship improved and we were very close. We remained very close until last year (I'm 30) when I noticed a shift in her attitude towards me and DS.
All the time I was pregnant (her only grandchild) she was so excited, buying loads of things for the baby and wanted to know everything that was going on. Until DS was six months old she was so involved, would spend as much time as she could with us and fussed him no end. I then began to notice changes which I dismissed initially. For example the morning of his first birthday I was organising a party for him at home, I'd asked if she could come over one hour earlier so I could get ready whilst she watched him and she said no she had to get ready herself. The party was midday so not exactly early. I wrote that one off but it became indicative of her attitude.
Now we are here living with them during lockdown (at their insistence) our house was being renovated and we were going to rent somewhere and couldn't because of coronavirus. We had an offer to live with PIL which she didn't want us to take and they are further away so we took my parents up on their offer.
We have been here over six weeks and in that time she has watched DS for three hours in total. Each time was as if she was doing us a huge favour. Once when DH and I went for a walk together and the other time when we have down the grocery shop. The only way she will watch DS is if we strap him into the buggy for her and have everything ready before we leave to go and she will push him until we get back and get him out - minimal interaction.
She won't interact with him at all all day unless it's forced, eg is DS reaches for her she will hold him but will always say "well I was just going to have a drink/ eat something/ go outside"- minimising the time she has to hold him.
She has some minor health problems and says she is exhausted all day every day but on an evening seems happy and awake and will happily potter all day in the garden and go shopping. Sometimes she won't even acknowledge DS in the room. It's honestly like he's a pure chore. My dad still works but spends a lot of time with his grandson and really enjoys it.
I know toddlers are hard work but he's well behaved and a chirpy little thing and I'm so sick of seeing him upset and rejected as he tries to go to her and she won't interact with him. I flagged it a couple of days ago as he was crying and she blew up and became irate saying I was expecting too much.
Even if someone were poorly surely they would positively interact with a baby that they loved and not just try to minimise contact as much as possible? Am I being unfair here?