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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Ex wants back! Help!

29 replies

Gigi993 · 22/04/2020 10:36

Little bit of history-we were together for 4 years and have 2 year old together. The relationship wasnt great and I always felt alone and not loved. He did tell me he loves only once and kept telling me he is not sure I’m the one for him. We never argued and had similar plans for future, but I never felt loved - I saw his family only once and he didn’t want to spend much time with me. Never met his friends. Refused to talk about marriage etc.I also found text messages from other woman and they been on a date(but looks like they didn’t sleep together). Finally I decided to end it and I’m so happy I did! For two months I cried, because I loved him and it was hard to get over it. Now I’m happy and excited to meet someone who will love me one day. My ex now decided he wants me and was an idiot. He is Doing therapy (over Skype atm), coming to see his child more often and saying he will do anything to get me back. I’m torn I loved him and we have child together, but I’m so much happier now without him (but it might just be the idea of meeting someone who might not even exist)- what would you do?! I’m definitely not taking him back straight away - but is it something you would consider?

OP posts:

MitziK · 22/04/2020 10:40

Absolutely not.

He's just not able to go on dates with other women or go out with his mates at the moment.

Stay happy. Happy without that sort of headfuck in your home - as soon as lockdown is lifted, he'll be back out on dates.

Windyatthebeach · 22/04/2020 10:47

He wants a shag and has realised he is no catch - only you are soft enough to fall for his shite...
Don't do it op...

Yankeescot · 22/04/2020 10:50

@gigi993 you deserve so much better than what he has to offer. Back when I was younger I would have considered it because my self esteem wasn't where it should have been. Now? I'd laugh and think what a chancer he is!

He's treated you appallingly! And you kind of summed it up in your sentence saying "I'm torn, I loved him and we have a child together, but I'm so much happier now without him." Print that out and post it everywhere in your flat! And keep on reading it over and over. You must have been riddled with anxiety when you were with him. No one deserves to live with that hell of waiting for them to pull another fast one on you. Don't give in to his mindfuckery. Because that's what it is. It didn't work out with the other woman. And he wants you as a fallback girl. Don't be the fallback girl. You deserve to be treated with love and respect.

Don't worry about meeting someone who may not exist. You and your child can be perfectly happy together. If someone comes along to enhance your life, great! If they don't, that's fine too

Original poster

Gigi993 · 22/04/2020 12:18

Thank you. Everyone ..

OP posts:

NoMoreDickheads · 22/04/2020 19:25

I’m so much happier now without him (but it might just be the idea of meeting someone who might not even exist)

But you know loads of guys exist who would treat you better than this one. xxxxx

Dery · 22/04/2020 21:15

"I’m so much happier now without him (but it might just be the idea of meeting someone who might not even exist)"

As PP have said, loads of guys exist who will treat you better than this guy and you will almost certainly meet one of them but you and your DC can also have an amazing life without anyone else. So for you it's
a total win/win.

Onwards and upwards, OP!

Aquamarine1029 · 22/04/2020 21:19

You would be making the biggest mistake of your life to take him back. Don't even consider it, and don't let him continue to think there's a chance you will. Tell him immediately that it's never going to happen.

CalleighDoodle · 22/04/2020 21:22

You are happier without him.

Thats all you need to know.

RandomMess · 22/04/2020 21:27

Forwards without him for definite!!

Hohofortherobbers · 22/04/2020 21:49

Do not fall for this. He will let you down

Holothane · 22/04/2020 21:59

Stay where you are without him, he had his chance he’s ex for a reason keep him that way.

MsPepperPotts · 22/04/2020 22:03

He's not worth all the heartache and hassle. He cannot give you what you need in a relationship...it's not in his makeup.
You're in a good place mentally don't let him fool you into thinking he has changed.
You deserve a lot more than this man is capable of giving you in terms of love and commitment.

RedDiamond · 22/04/2020 22:13

We are in lockdown. He can't get to date (shag) women at the moment because of social distancing.

He is coming to see his child more often in the hope that you will think he is Mr Wondeful and "oh how much he has changed". He has not changed. He wants you as an easy lay because he can't get laid anywhere else at the moment.

Once social distancing is lifted, you won't see him for dust.

And keep that thought in your head, just how MUCH happier you are without him.

copycopypaste · 22/04/2020 22:16

He's after a shag and you're the inky one he can see right now. Ex's are ex's for a reason

Glowcat · 22/04/2020 22:17

It sounds like the only good thing about your relationship was having your DC. Feeling alone and unloved while in the relationship, being (possibly) cheated on and having a partner who doesn’t want to spend time with you? Why would you want to repeat any of that. It’s great that he’s getting some counselling but that doesn’t mean that you have to give him another chance.

It’s quite possible that he’s asking for another chance because you’ve gotten over him and you’re looking to move on with your life. He must have become quite used to you always being there, grateful for whatever time and attention he was willing to give you.

atenthofaclue · 22/04/2020 22:18

Hell no.

Starlightstarbright1 · 22/04/2020 22:18

Read your post . There is only what he wants in there. It is never about you . He can be a good dad without you been in a relationship.

As others said not much else to do in a lockdown - he has already shown you what he thinks if you.

He also probably doesn’t like you are happy and don’t need him.

gamerchick · 22/04/2020 22:21

I'm with the he can't get laid atm, you would be like a nice pair of comfortable slippers he can slip into until all this is over with. Dont go there. It won't be worth it... For you or your kid.

hellsbellsmelons · 23/04/2020 08:23

Hell no - I would NOT consider it - not even for a second.
Just re-read your own opening post.
He will never make you happy.
Google - Narcissistic personality disorder.
You'll find your selfish ex described perfectly there.

AnnaNimmity · 23/04/2020 09:38

I agree with pps, don't take him back - it's all about him, and you're the fallback girl. You said you're happier without him - remember that!

my experience of people taking exes back (both mine and people I know) is always that they let them down again. Over and over if you keep taking them back. They're exes for a reason!

WH1SKERS · 23/04/2020 09:41

Hell no.

He just wants to “ get back together “ because he wants a shag and can’t get one elsewhere.

One lockdown is over he will be back to being “ not sure “ .

MrsDoylesTeaBags · 23/04/2020 10:01

I’m so much happier now without him

This is the only part of your post that matters. You don't need him Gigi, don't let him waste your time.

billy1966 · 23/04/2020 10:20

Definitely not.

He hasn't changed.

Focus on how he treated you when he was with you.

Not on his bullshit promises.

You don't need him.

You deserve much better.

BumbleBeee69 · 24/04/2020 19:19

agreed.. kick him to the kerb

AgentJohnson · 24/04/2020 19:25

Hells no!

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