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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My husband is sending messages to females on social media

32 replies

vohen · 21/04/2020 22:51

I have caught my husband sending flirty texts to work colleagues previously and we have fallen out about it and he promised to stop.
I’ve now found out that he is sending private messages to females on Twitter and Instagram, telling them how beautiful they are and what sexy bodies they have etc. These are all ‘porn star’ like females whose posts are all then showing their bodies in various states of undress.
What should I do? I’ve lost all respect for him. I don’t know why he does it as none of these women reply to him!!

OP posts:
Welshgal85 · 21/04/2020 23:00

I’m so sorry this has happened. Have you told him that you have seen these latest messages?

What do you want to happen next?

Fairycake2 · 21/04/2020 23:09

I'd be very tempted to cut his bollocks off!!! Seriously though I think i would get my ducks in a row, confront him then chuck him out. No doubt he will try and justify it or say he isn't doing anything wrong but it would be a big no no for me. Good luck with whatever you decide to do

BackseatCookers · 21/04/2020 23:52

Aside from the betrayal this would massively give me the ick - does he think they're going to reply saying omg you're so fit too, what time can I come over? Ugh!

showerdodger · 22/04/2020 00:04

I would dump him but before I did I would set up a fake "sexy gal" profile & send a generic message to him eg hey, check out my hot photos. Then when he engages I would ask for a selfie & once received my reply would be I prefer my men "x" picking on a personal insecurity of his & then in real life I would dump him. Im a petty bitch though.

GilbertMarkham · 22/04/2020 00:04

Sounds like he'd chest if he could.

Sorry.

GilbertMarkham · 22/04/2020 00:05

*cheat

BeetrootRocks · 22/04/2020 00:07

Well that's grim.

Do you have kids?

ArthurandJessie · 22/04/2020 00:08

So sorry op that's cheating it doesn't matter if he never gets a reply ! He sounds awful

NoMoreDickheads · 22/04/2020 00:12

Ewww! I like to think I would finish with him.

maudspellbody · 22/04/2020 00:13

What. A. Creepy. Sleazebag.

Hunnybears · 22/04/2020 00:18

Id show him the door and tell him it over. You’re worth more

user1481840227 · 22/04/2020 00:33

Surely you have to end the relationship.
You have no respect for him anymore and he clearly has none either. Not much of a relationship.

MMmomDD · 22/04/2020 01:00

OP - have you tried talking to him?
You say you don’t know why he does it - then ask?
In a way - if all he does is send complimentary messages to public profiles with skimpy picture - it’s a little (a lot) cringe-worthy, but I am not sure I’d call it cheating. It’s not totally different to telling a colleague she looks great in a new outfit.
It may be that all he gets out of it is a little thrill of the sending of the message. And it doesn’t really have to mean that he’s cheat if he had a chance. Nothing indicates that.
If he were looking to cheat - he’d not be messaging people who are unlikely to ever reply.

vohen · 22/04/2020 08:14

Yes I have 2 daughters aged 17 and 15.
I think deep down I just want out and to be with someone who loves and respects me. We've been together 20 years and married 18 this October.
Apart from the texts, he's the laziest person I know. He does work and I know he's a hard worker at work as he works with my brother but at home he's totally different. He comes hone from work, sits on sofa, gets his tea handed to him and that's him for evening. He's constantly got his vape thing in one hand and his phone in other. All weekend he just the same. Watching whatever crap on tv while me and girls are doing whatever needs done. I know my oldest daughter has no respect for him either tho my youngest is more a daddy's girl.
I just worry about how I'm going to cope when they've both moved out?

OP posts:
Glacierminty · 22/04/2020 08:23

I’m sorry for you. He sounds a right slob !
He’s disrespected you and your relationship .
He should put his effort into complimenting you .
I wouldn’t trust him after this.

TheRealCaroleBaskin · 22/04/2020 08:26

What an absolute scum bag. You and your daughters deserve better!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 22/04/2020 08:37

He sounds like a right sad sack who neither loves or respects you and should therefore be given his marching orders. He is trying to cheat under your very nose, where is your line in the sand here?. Do not stay with such a man merely for the sake of your daughters here either, they won't say thanks mum to you for doing that to them.

This too is a very disheartening comment:-
"He's constantly got his vape thing in one hand and his phone in other. All weekend he just the same. Watching whatever crap on tv while me and girls are doing whatever needs done"

Both they and you sound like maids to this man. Who died and made him king exactly?.

When your DDs do move out as well I would imagine that neither of them would want to come back home to see either of you all that often. They could well wonder of you why you put him before them. I sincerely hope that neither go onto partner up with such lazy assed and entitled men but they could well do so, they have learnt from you too. I doubt very much that either will move out anytime soon, particularly your youngest.

Why would you at all want to stay with such a man after they've moved out anyway?. Where's your self worth at along with your boundaries here?. Are you afraid of him or otherwise afraid of being on your own?.

What do you get out of this relationship now?. You have written yourself you want out; well act on this thought some more and seek legal advice re getting him out of your day to day life.

What do you want to teach them about relationships and what are they learning here?. You're still showing them that currently at least, all this is still acceptable to you on some level.

saffy1234 · 22/04/2020 08:39

Hi @vohen ,so sorry to read this.Its disrespectful but also massively cringeworthy!Have you confronted him x

saffy1234 · 22/04/2020 08:40

Oh my oh my @showerdodger that made me HOWL 😂

vohen · 22/04/2020 09:54

Thank you all for your advice.

I am not scared of being on my own, I'm just scared at the initial reaction and disruption it's going to cause when I do pluck up the courage to leave.

I need to get financial things in order first I think and then take it from there. We're in a rented house so luckily no big commitments and I have my own bank account that my pay goes in.

I need to think more of myself and stop believing that it's ok to be treated like this and no way would I want my daughters ever to have to go through same

OP posts:
vohen · 22/04/2020 09:56

I think I was just thinking I was over reacting as he hadn't physically cheated but I can see from your comments that I'm not so thank you

OP posts:
GilbertMarkham · 22/04/2020 10:56

Tbh his lazy, piss taking behaviour at home - treating you and your daughters like domestic slaves while he sits on his arse - would be enough to want out.

The fact that he's trying it in with other women .. while sitting on his arse .. while you guys do everything in the house - just adds to it.

Either thing would be enough.

GilbertMarkham · 22/04/2020 10:57

*trying it on

Chocolate123 · 22/04/2020 11:07

You and your daughters deserve better. Imagine if your girls were getting messages from a man like your husband. You'd be disgusted

Wearywithteens · 22/04/2020 11:14

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.