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Original poster

Does alcohol bring out the truth

37 replies

Whatshallwedotoday · 21/04/2020 03:10

My boyfriend (like a lot of men in their mod30s) likes to have a few drinks at the weekend and during lockdown, during the week also. I don’t have a problem with this, he’s a grown man and can do as he likes. I am not a big drinker and will stop after a couple.
The problem is, when he’s drunk, he tends to say stupid things, both to me and his friends and because I’m sober, they stick in my mind.
Some of the little gems he has come out with to his friends (in front of me)
Talking on the phone to his sister’s friend, he gets off phone after ages and his sister asks what they were talking about “we were wondering why we never got to know each other better”
Looking at photos of my friend and I on a night out, he asked if I would sleep with my friend. When I said no, he said “I would”
Out of the blue one night, he told me that we were sexually compatible because when he was with his ex, after she had finished riding him, her vaginal juices would give him a spotty pubic area
Talking to his friend when I stepped into the next room, telling him how much this particular woman turned him on and how he’d love to sleep with her
Telling me that his friends wife is extremely attractive, very, very attractive
He sometimes calls me horrible names when he’s drunk and tells me he regrets moving in together and that I suffocate him. Then, other times, he tells me I’m the love of his life and he wants to marry me and be with me forever.
When I try to talk to him about these things the next day, he says he was drunk and to ignore it. Some people say being drunk brings out the real side of people, I don’t know what to believe, if he doesn’t mean it, does that mean he doesn’t mean the nice stuff he says too?
It’s starting to really get me down.

OP posts:
Ipadipod · 21/04/2020 03:15

A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts .
I wouldn’t ignore it, he doesn’t sound very nice and from what he says would sleep with someone else at the drop of a hat .

pallisers · 21/04/2020 03:21

one of those things - maybe give the benefit of the doubt. maybe. once. and I wouldn't be happy about it.

All of those? I'd be gone. It really doesn't matter if he says things sober and meaning them or drunk and couldn't give a fuck - the effect is the same - it really gets you down.

You can have a better life OP.

And for what it is worth, I'll eat my hat if this man doesn't have a problem with alcohol. I think you know this too deep down OP.

Thepigeonsarecoming · 21/04/2020 03:23

God he sounds awful, why are you still with him?

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/04/2020 03:45

He sometimes calls me horrible names when he’s drunk and tells me he regrets moving in together and that I suffocate him.

He knows this and yet continues to drink around you. Sounds like a class act.

Lozzerbmc · 21/04/2020 03:55

He’s telling you he’s not really invested in this relationship and has an eye out for someone else.

I am sorry, I think you’re being badly treated and I don’t think that’s how you’d treat “the love of your life” - do you?

As hard as it is, you’d do better to cut your losses and end it, before he’s unfaithful and move on.

Oblomov20 · 21/04/2020 04:47

This has nothing to do with alcohol. The guy is just a knob. Vile. Don't you know that? Do you really need to ask?

Foxinpopsox · 21/04/2020 04:56

Agree with @Ipadipod: drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.

OP, he sounds conflicted and quite immature.

I can guarantee you he will bang around and cheat on you. It’s all he talks about. That’s what’s on his mind.

I would say get him out of your house and hair but I understand that this is easier said then done.

I’m a bit further down the line with my break up and he has moved out but the “getting out of my hair” part is proving tricky 😔

Hope my advice helped.

LouLouLoo · 21/04/2020 05:05

It’s often said drunk people speak the truth, but I spout a load of nonsense when I’m drunk.

In this case though, whether true or not his behaviour is appalling and if I treated someone I loved like that when drunk then I wouldn’t drink. I would not tolerate this sort of behaviour.

Zufair · 21/04/2020 05:11

Its the unfiltered truth.

Mucklowe · 21/04/2020 06:04

when he was with his ex, after she had finished riding him, her vaginal juices would give him a spotty pubic area

I would ditch him just for saying that, personally. Vile! 🤢

category12 · 21/04/2020 07:04

I'd have a problem with him drinking like that, when it results in him being unpleasant. I'm not sure why you're hand-waving it as not your business.

His drunk behaviour is affecting you and hurting you, therefore he needs to stop getting drunk around you. It's a simple choice, it's not OK to expect you to put up with how horrible he is.

If he's not willing to change his drinking habits, then he cares more about alcohol than you.

userabcname · 21/04/2020 07:07

I think the fact he's said so much around the same topic is significant. Maybe one throwaway comment could be ignored. He's definitely keeping his options open.

Tableclothing · 21/04/2020 07:08

He isn't good enough for you.

Intothefuture · 21/04/2020 07:16

He sounds really horrible, drunk or not.

isthismylifenow · 21/04/2020 07:35

How often is he getting drunk OP. I am doubting one or two beers isn't going to get him to the point he speaks like this.

I agree, I do think people say what they would not normally when drunk. I have recently left a relationship as this is exactly what happened. What he said drunk and not drunk, he was like two different people. But always claimed to not remember what he had said whilst drunk. But it was his intentions of what he wanted to do, ie after we had only been together 2 or so months in a drunken state told me that within the next 3 months would be moved into my place, and was going to renovate my house etc etc. He denies saying this but it was his full intention to be moved in with me, in another drunken rant gave me the time line again. So that showed me it wasnt just talk the first time.

How do you think the conversation would go if you spoke to him about drinking less? I think depending on how this conversation goes is quite telling. He will go with what's the harm, just a bit of fun, everyone drinks etc etc. But not everyone else has underlying intentions that they are spouting.

His drinking affects you and he needs to know it.

Personally I see it as a massive red flag.

Makeitgoaway · 21/04/2020 07:41

Yes I think so. Alcohol removes inhibitions and allows us to say what we're thinking.

When someone says something they wouldn't have said sober, it means exactly that, they would't have said it out loud.

I also think people's true personality comes out only bigger, not kept in check by good manners. e.g I have never met a nasty drunk who isn't also nasty when under pressure. Someone who's a smiley fun drunk is generally like that in their normal life only more reserved. A decent person might do stupid things drunk but they don't do nasty things ime etc.

This one sounds particularly awful.

Oscarthegrouch47 · 21/04/2020 07:47

I don't really buy into the truth coming out when drunk. Some people lose inhibitions yeah but others just talk utter crap - myself included! However whether he means it or not he is being really disrespectful. You shouldn't have to put up with it. Have you addressed it with him while he's sober and told you how much it's getting you down? If he was any kind of partner he would modify his behaviour or stop drinking.

PandaToTheMasses · 21/04/2020 07:59

He has drunken conversations with you that leave you feeling awful, then tells you to ignore them.

How much of your time are you happy to waste with him?

puds11 · 21/04/2020 08:02

Does it matter if it’s the truth or not? He sounds vile.

Ilovethekittehs · 21/04/2020 08:05

There's nothing worse than someone getting pissed off their face on their own. How sad.

He sounds disgusting and you would be well rid.

AnyFucker · 21/04/2020 08:06

What an awful person

A mean drunk is still mean. And why are so many of his drunken "indiscretions" of a sexist, disparaging and abusive nature ?

Because he is simply vile, that's why. You are doing yourself a dis-service sticking around for this carry-on.

AnyFucker · 21/04/2020 08:08

Spouting off about politics, talking nonsense or putting the world to rights when tipsy is one thing

But this man is abusive and he is using alcohol as the excuse to give himself full reign to indulge himself in it

DahlingDahlia · 21/04/2020 08:12

Honestly, I'd dump him. I wouldn't want to be dreading the next alcohol binge.

MsMeNz · 21/04/2020 08:12

Yeah, sounds likes he is always checking other woman out, but only you know the complexities.of your relationship. My husband just becomes super loving and affectionate when drunk but he only ever drinks to get drunk as opposed to a mild buzz.

I'm don't drink at all and never been drunk so I find drunk people fairly repulsive and odd it's the loss of control I think and basically be high on their legal drug of choice. People that are just a bit tipsy and just having a good time are fine to be around however.

JonHammIsMyJamm · 21/04/2020 08:14

Your boyfriend sounds like a knob, OP.

However, I don’t agree with the ‘drunk words are sober thoughts’ thing. Or if they are for some people, that doesn’t mean that they are 100% the truth. We all have lots of thoughts through the day, not all of them are socially acceptable and they don’t all reflect how we actually feel about something or someone, they are just part of our making sense of things around us and processing daily life. Alcohol increases impulsivity and lowers inhibitions. It isn’t a truth serum.