Obsessed - I want to have an affair!

[Annabel1408]

I have always been the good girl, then woman, then wife.

Don’t have a large libido. Never cheated on DH in nearly 20yrs of marriage (nor has he, I’d know!).

Several months ago a thought popped into my head about how exciting and ‘naughty’ it would be to have a lover. A little daytime fantasy. That seed has grown to the point I’m obsessed now and fantasise regularly.

I love DH. I know he’d be crushed if he caught me cheating. This is an itch I think I need to scratch before it’s too late.

It’s not the sex. It’s the thought of, for once, being bad, naughty, wild!

Is this normal ?

Confused. from Edinburgh.

I’ve been in this exact position and ended up on a website for married couples wanting an affair. I’ve had a good time being on it but now I have met someone who I want more from. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn’t. The feeling of having someone different wanting you and being so passionate is amazing but it’s very difficult as a woman (I think) to keep a lid on your feelings. In some ways it has caused a lot more problems in my head than I envisaged. I thought I could just have great sex with someone else and have fun and not have feelings. It’s great but remember what it is. It’s just an affair!!!

What's a pickled cushion humper when it's at home?

Optical - good question - why here?

I have this bottled up. Have done for months and lockdown is making worse. I can’t talk to friends or family.

I’m not a mum so although I’d heard of MN didn’t think it was for me - thought it was just about parenting. Until I heard 2 friends talking and it seemed much broader than that - I was right - I think!

It was good to put it down in writing. Most responses were as I expected / suspected confirming a midlife crisis. Most counselled against the idea although some did call me a closet lesbian, a fake etc whilst others focused on spicing up sex with DH. It was never about the sex rather the being bad - the excitement of an illicit activity!

So, in answer to your Q. I’m looking to let off a little steam, not validation or approval, and this is certainly not the site to advertise (quite the opposite no men so no hassle!).

Thank you all for your comments. It has helped. A.

@Cam77

But imagine being looked at with guilt or pity or sympathy or loathing (delete as appropriate) every day the rest of your life. He probably knows something is wrong but isn’t able to verbalize it. Don’t kid yourself him not knowing hasn’t hurt him

No, he really doesn’t know and like I stated with ‘I had an affair’ which means it’s over now.

There is no evidence. He won’t ever know unless I tell him.

It’s not exactly the thing you can chat about with your friends is it!
I’m not encouraging you but maybe even just chatting to a few men online may help?! Even that is very exciting to do and makes you feel alive

It’s not the sex. It’s the thought of, for once, being bad, naughty, wild!

An affair is deceitful and cruel, not bad, naughty and wild. If that's your priority, go do a naked bungy jump or a shift in a strip club or something, don't lie to hurt someone who doesn't deserve it by having an affair FFS.

lie to and* hurt someone

Can’t believe you’re seriously considering this are there issues in your marriage?

So you posted in here actually looking for some hookups? And now it makes sense why you put your location!

I think it's absolutely fine just tell your husband first 😜

There’s a website called fab swingers. It’s not just for swingers. You can get hook ups on there.

Suspect you're peri-menopausal. It's your hormones.

So you are willing to rob your DH of his choice and consent to be with a faithful partner and risk his health so that you can feel ‘naughty’?

Dip your toe in online first, there are loads of places you can find guys for this kind of thing, i used fab hookup and loved the attention, that in itself felt very naughty