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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What have you achieved that you would never thought possible?

29 replies

Fightingback16 · 20/04/2020 22:00

I have a little girl who is almost 4, she is happy and confident and just brilliant. Looking back over my neglectful childhood and abusive marriage I would never thought that I could have created a little girl like this.

What have you achieved that you would never have thought possible?

OP posts:

category12 · 20/04/2020 22:10

That's lovely

Dumped my ex, manage perfectly well on my despite his bollocks, cleared my debts, raising 2 fantastic human beings, did a sky-dive .

category12 · 20/04/2020 22:11

own (can't manage a complete sentence on my own tho!)

georgialondon · 20/04/2020 22:12

Having children. I had this fear I'd be unlucky and not able to have children.

Namechange2p2p · 20/04/2020 22:31

Having two children and the most amazing, tolerant and understanding partner with me.
I have had a lot of anxiety issues which have only really surfaced since first child and he has been ny rock. Not to mention he is bloody beautiful and my kids are awesome.

mitsyblue · 20/04/2020 22:44

How lovely!!!

A decent marriage and two gorgeous kids who do drive me mental also I also worried maybe I wouldn't settle down and have what I have now...

TripleTroubleTime · 20/04/2020 22:44

A good job in an industry i love and buying my own flat / getting a mortgage.
On my own, no help from parents (estranged.. another story), no inheritance... just pushing hard, making life sacrifices (moving around a lot away from family, losing friends in the process), renting grotty places to enable me to save.
My mum said i would be / have nothing, my first boyfriend dumped me at 17 when i dropped out of college as i "would amount to anything" and he wanted more from life (Recent google searches / social media stalking reveals that didnt work out and his mummy wasted a lot of money on his education).

I have lots of lovely friends, (other) family, and a gorgeous partner too, but my independence is my biggest achievement.

FireandFury · 20/04/2020 22:48

What a lovely thread OP. I had a bad childhood and early part of my teens as a result of my parents dysfunctional relationship. My DD is my biggest achievement and making my relationship work against all the odds. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.

indemMUND · 20/04/2020 23:13

I had an abusive childhood, my mother refused to leave her husband (he never laid a finger on her) I bore the physical brunt until I finally got him arrested for assault in my 20s. I had an abusive relationship and fell pregnant. I left when DD was 1 so she never had to see or remember what he did. I'm a single parent. And she's an utterly brilliant child I've raised alone. Light of my life.
I have since achieved goals in my own right just for me, the biggest being put on the guestlist for a band I love and spending time face to face with a very famous man backstage. Might not seem like much to some but after a shitty couple of decades I had something just for me. And it keeps me going... and smiling!

PositiveLife · 20/04/2020 23:40

I had crippling anxiety/pnd after dd1. I stayed with exh for far too long because I didn't think I could cope on my own.

Since leaving I've had 3 promotions, a fair few decent payrise, got my own house, a lot of hobbies, friends, joined a number of clubs. I had a setback last year where my anxiety did get really bad...but I found I had a lot of support from friends.

balonzz · 21/04/2020 07:03

Lovely thread and well done everyone! Mine is very modest but means a lot to me. I trained for a profession in the face of parents sneering and saying I would amount to nothing and now I have my own home and job and independence and I can still hardly believe I managed to do it.

DDIJ · 21/04/2020 07:08

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

isthismylifenow · 21/04/2020 07:16

I came through an emotional abusive marriage which I honestly thought I would never get over. As well as that I raised two children who are the most amazing human beings. They are the ones that got me though.

I started a business and I run that solo.

I recently ended a relationship as I saw the red flags. So I know I am in a while different place now.

Mine aren't exciting or fantastic to read about I don't think. But to me it's a huge achievement.

Original poster

Fightingback16 · 21/04/2020 08:22

Thanks everyone they are lovely to read. Sometimes I feel stuck in what I don’t have, what I’m not that I forget the massive personal achievements I’ve made along the way.

OP posts:

NoMoreDickheads · 21/04/2020 10:14

Nothing really maybe IDK. I have a severe mental health disability and have never been able to work, so nothing turned out as I'd thought it was going to in life. I'm happy enough but don't have many achievements.

I did find it surprisingly easy to dump my most recent lover/'friend.'

Lweji · 21/04/2020 10:20

Achievements are all relative.

I have an academic achievement that most people don't. But, obviously, at work among my peers, it's nothing much. Many have greater achievements.
There's always something else.

If you manage to be happy and happy with your life, and you can bring some happiness to those around you too, that's the greatest achievement, IMO.

Original poster

Fightingback16 · 21/04/2020 10:38

Exactly I have a Masters in something I’ve completely abandoned since meeting my ex husband. I can beat myself up until the cows come home but I have a little girl and she is happy and alive.....massive achievement given the circumstances surrounding her life.

OP posts:

category12 · 21/04/2020 10:57

That is an achievement, nomoredickheads. I think things like that can be huge. When you're in it, it can feel impossible to get free of of see clearly.

category12 · 21/04/2020 10:57

Or dammit!

MonsteraCheeseplant · 21/04/2020 11:00

I never thought i'd be able to do a Masters or a blimmin Doctorate and I did both. I'm still amazed sometimes that I got into a profession.
I never thought i'd be able to give up chocolate/sugar or pasta and at points in my life i've done both. Now it's a choice to eat them sensibly.

Luxembourgmama · 21/04/2020 11:05

A happy family life and a really loving marriage.

okiedokieme · 21/04/2020 11:14

Having been left by my stbexh after a quarter of a century, I met and fell head over heels quite unexpectedly - I'm an overweight middle aged woman, there's good eggs out there! Should have left h years ago.

Jess2824 · 21/04/2020 12:17

Got myself out of nearly £20k of credit card debt without the help of anyone else, I’m only on 20k a year so it was very tough!

Parsley1234 · 21/04/2020 12:29

Being happy and raising a son who is totally amazing In all ways bar a bit lazy.
Paying for private school when everyone in my socioeconomic demographic told me I was wrong and that I wd have to pull him out.
Keeping going with my businesses even when I was losing everything and I cdnt see how I would ever get out of the situation.
Making a good living out of innovative ways

honeylulu · 21/04/2020 15:36

I'm a partner in a City law firm.

I was a daydreamer at school, could only focus on what fired my imagination, disorganised, hapless etc. My parents and teachers would roll their eyes and say I was hopeless and would never get anywhere in life, that I would just lurch from crisis to crisis.

I've realised now (given that my teenage son has fairly recently been diagnosed with HF autism and ADHD) that I almost certainly have autistic traits, particularly "poor executive functions",and ADD (without the H.)

Luckily I am quite ambitious and determined and was lucky to have a good brain (even though it doesn't work quite like most people's!) And developed enough coping strategies to get to where I am., although I still struggle. Sometimes I wonder what I would have achieved with an NT brain, but maybe party of the journey was a burning desire to prove people wrong.

AnnaNimmity · 21/04/2020 17:49

I'm in a senior job that I just love, doing things I really enjoy, in an amazing sector and feel so fortunate. It was a bit of a career change for me, and came about at a pretty horrible time in my life, as a result of some unexpected events - so completely out of the blue. Love it though.

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