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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Looking for positive stories?

21 replies

Babypiggy · 18/04/2020 12:19

Hiya
Single 35, one lovely DS who is 7 and share custody with exH (who is a hardwork). I was in a relationship with a man who I really loved but ultimately he kind of betrayed me. Hurt lots but trying hard to move on. Done some online dating and been on a few dates but just didnt feel the connection and found myself thinking of Ex boyfriend often. There is no future with him but at one point I was certain there was. I think i am gutted things haven't worked out and in the meantime wonder if there are any men out there that are decent, honest and I would ever have a connection with. Anyone been divorced and then gone on to find someone really decent that they genuinely adore? Sorry I know theres loads going on in the world just wanted to hear from those with experience

OP posts:
Mumof1andacat · 18/04/2020 12:33

My friend. Married and divorced within 7 months at 26.he just turned around and said I dont want this anymore. Now 35, engaged, 2 lovely children, house and 2 cats!

NewUserNameReq · 18/04/2020 12:39

I need this thread right now, thanks OP, following with great interest!

Babypiggy · 18/04/2020 12:58

NewUser- are u in a similar boat?

OP posts:
welshladywhois40 · 18/04/2020 13:26

Yes! Left alcoholic husband when I was 36. 6 months later met a great man. Moved in together 9 month later, then we got pregnant. We are close to being together 4 years and no big arguments to date just happiness.

I think we are both happy as we both had some bad relationships so once we met and clicked -
We both have the mantra of wanting to be happy and not looking for issues or reasons to nag/annoy each other.

Robin233 · 18/04/2020 13:31

Divorced at 26
Met great man 29
Our son is nearly 25 now and we've really happy.

Lilolily · 18/04/2020 13:34

44 here, divorced but still good friends with twin daughters dad. That relationship was the best and worst time of my life due to his mental health. Was alone for years, met someone who love bombed then ended it, almost broke me. Spent a few years on just me and the kids and then, when finally felt ready to date seem to have met a good one! Early days but all good so far x

cakecakecheese · 18/04/2020 18:19

I was divorced at 34, at 36 I met an amazing guy and we're engaged now. It's perfectly natural to worry that you'll never find anyone decent after a divorce but there are some out there honest.

NewUserNameReq · 18/04/2020 18:40

Quite similar OP, very very recently been left by DH. Everything (in my eyes) has been perfect, we're soul mates. But he has gone, no reason other than he's not happy.

newuser000 · 18/04/2020 19:21

saw this last week and watched it. I'm not ready but will need to read things like this when I am after divorce finalised. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2930329-DH-left-me-Anyone-got-any-positive-life-after-being-ditched-stories-Sob

NewUserNameReq · 18/04/2020 19:26

That looks like good reading, I've read the first few posts but like you I'm not quite ready!

Palmtree76 · 18/04/2020 21:00

This is reassuring. I’m not married but long term relationship ended over Xmas and now alone. Feel like I’ll never ever meet someone or have children. Some days I feel fine and then others (like today) I feel horrendous!

Crackerscheesescabbyknees · 18/04/2020 21:15

Not divorced here but definitely done the dance of trying to make it work with DS7 father.

Split up early on and tried off and on for years to make it work. He is an impossible man child and it wasn't happening.
Got into a relationship where everything looked great on the surface, openly affectionate guy who claimed he wanted the family life. That fell to pieces quickly enough.

Went on the rebound quickly and met someone great. On the first date we admitted our situations (I was days out of a long-term thing and had a young son, he was married but separated as she had recently buggered off to the other side of the world). Both rebounding, both a bit of a mess. We dated for a little while, and I realised I was in the complete wrong headspace.
I found out I was pregnant (ex) and ended up having an abortion, my job came to an end and I started a new one, then my father died. My mental health took a nose dive. My life was a mess.

Throughout the entire time, the guy that I met was a friend to me. He was constantly there as someone to talk to and would drop everything to come and see me. He took me on days out (and my son eventually), he would just come and hang out with me and my mum. He was an angel. I loved him as a friend and valued him more than any other man I've ever met.

I started to date again and no one fit. Then one day I woke up and just needed to see him. He came over. I told him that I loved him and we have been together ever since.

He's a kind, considerate and caring man. He gives the best hugs ever. When we argue, we talk it out and nothing feels unfixable with him. He's great with my son and the rest of my family. He takes an active interest, looks out for my mental health and basically treats me like a princess.
He's tall, dark and handsome, has a good job, his own house and car and for some reason he's chosen me. And I feel like I've won the bloody lottery.

We are expecting our first child together.

They are out there, trust me!

Babypiggy · 18/04/2020 21:28

Crackers thanks for sharing- how do u meet a guy like that he sounds golden

OP posts:
Crackerscheesescabbyknees · 18/04/2020 21:32

@Babypiggy Tinder of all places!
Like I said, it was a straight rebound, days after breaking up with my ex.
I matched this guy (didn't realise he was an hour's drive away). He mentioned he had visited my city before, but only really seen he castle. I mentioned how I lived by a cool castle so he drove down and visited a castle on our first date. Ended up talking for hours.

Tinder and gin did me right once in my life.

MissSmith80 · 18/04/2020 21:38

My OH was married for 7 years in his mid 20's through to early 30's. He was devastated when his marriage broke up.
He had a breakdown and life didn't seem worth living for a while. We met when he was 36 (online dating) and he regularly tells me that he could never have dreamt that live could be even better than when things were at their best for him and his ex - but it is. We've been together 7 years now and have a 1 year old.

Palmtree76 · 18/04/2020 21:39

Ugh Tinder is literally bringing me duds right now. Not even getting any matches but swiping loads. Need a thicker skin I think.....

Holding out hope for someone new and special like all these positive stories!

Palmtree76 · 18/04/2020 21:39

@MissSmith80 that’s a lovely story!

Crackerscheesescabbyknees · 18/04/2020 21:44

@Palmtree76
If tinder isn't working for you, then bin it off. What works for some doesn't work for everyone. Don't let an app get to you!

Babypiggy · 18/04/2020 21:55

I would just love to feel that connection again... I really worry I never will

OP posts:
Crackerscheesescabbyknees · 18/04/2020 21:59

@Babypiggy I felt that way, I think everyone does sometimes. Someone worth it will come along and show you you're wrong.

mistermagpie · 18/04/2020 22:18

I split from my first husband in 2011, he was... not very nice. A binge drinker, kind of mean to me, controlling, you get the idea. It didn't start out like that, obviously, but somehow that's where we ended up.

Anyway, I got married to my second husband in 2014. He's amazing, a properly good person and adores me. I can't believe my luck actually. We now have three children together and I couldn't be happier.

Life can change quickly, good men are out there. Don't settle.

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