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Original poster

Husband has admitted kissing another woman

35 replies

strawberrysparkle2 · 18/04/2020 11:40

My husband has confessed to kissing another woman, a female colleague from work.

He said it happened last year, on 3 separate occasions. And he feels he has to tell me now due to there being a secret in our marriage. I did not believe it was just kissing at first, so he showed me some messages between them - turns out they were chatting for months. He has defended it by saying they didn't 'kiss with tongues or anything' but it was passionate kisses ConfusedI asked how it happened in the first place, he says they met up for coffee a few times and it just happened. According to the latest messages, she broke the friendship off as she didn't want anything further to happen.

I feel torn. I did know he has a friendship with a woman at work as he had spoken about her a few times but no idea it was this deep. He thinks it's ok because it was just kisses but felt guilty enough to tell me. But I still see it as a betrayal Sad

OP posts:
AsCoolAsLangCleg · 18/04/2020 11:44

Of course it's a betrayal. It's not just some kisses, he's had an intimate relationship - messaging, meeting - with someone else.

AdoreTheBeach · 18/04/2020 11:44

I too would see it as a betrayal because of the emotional aspects that went on for a few months and messaging. I’d also take into account it was the OW who ended it as she didn’t want it to go further which leads one to believe your DH wanted it to go further.

I’m sorry this has happened and what a shit time to find out.

Shoxfordian · 18/04/2020 11:51

Yeah it was a betrayal
What made him think now was a good time to tell you when you can't easily leave him? Knob

Notapheasantplucker · 18/04/2020 11:52

I can guarantee he hasn't just told you because 'there is lies in your marriage', he's told you because the OW has ended it with him.
I wouldn't be surprised if she has threatened to tell you everything, which is why he has come up with this minimalistic story now.

And its not ok at all. Kissing and having a secret intimate and emotional relationship beind your wife's back is not ok!
He sounds like a manipulative arsehole.

Sorry you're going through this shit OP

Wonkydonkey44 · 18/04/2020 11:53

It’s a betrayal you have every right to be angry xx

CrazyTimesAreOccurring · 18/04/2020 11:54

He thinks it was ok yet feels guilty - what does he feel guilty about then, if it was 'ok' Hmm?

Sorry to hear you are going through this OP

YgritteSnow · 18/04/2020 11:55

He'd have had sex with her if she'd been up for it.

Nanny0gg · 18/04/2020 11:56

Picking now to tell you when you're stuck also tells you what kind of man he is.

Use this time wisely...

Eskarina1 · 18/04/2020 11:57

If the only reason he didn't sleep with her is that she didn't want to, that would be the same level of betrayal as actually having sex with someone else.

YouJustDoYou · 18/04/2020 11:57

According to the other thread running right now it's ok for him to cheat because grey reasons Hmm

I'm so sorry he's done this to you op. There is never, ever, any excuse to cheat. It's an utter betrayal and there's no excuse for it. He's a fucking sly cheat.

HedgehogHotel · 18/04/2020 11:57

So he's dumped his guilt on you. What an arse.

And instead of putting time and effort into his marriage, especially if he thought he was 'drifting', he chose to actively court and try to impress another woman. And pursued getting physical with her. He only felt bad about it when she ended it ... he would have continued trying to pursue the relationship if she hadn't, that's obvious ... then dumped it on you so you could feel awful.

Bet he expects you to just let it go now, too.

HotCrossBungle · 18/04/2020 11:58

If she hadn't of broke it off he would have been balls deep in her. Sorry for the crudeness but that's for maximum impact.

Please tell me how you kiss passionately without tongues? Were they in a 1930s black and white movie.

What an utter cunt to lay this at your door now. Gee he must feel a whole heap better now he's off loaded.

Sharkyfan · 18/04/2020 11:58

Not the main point here I realise - but struggling to envisage a passionate kiss without any tongues. Just me?

But I’m very sorry that you have to deal with this.

Sharkyfan · 18/04/2020 11:59

Cross post - not just me then!

Elephantonascooter · 18/04/2020 12:01

How do you kiss passionately but without tongues?!
Sorry, missed the point!
Op, he's chosen to tell you now as ow threatened to if he didn't. It was also more than he says it was. Sorry op

Herpesfreesince03 · 18/04/2020 12:03

I’d find this worse than a one night where sex had taken place tbh. They messaged and got intimate for months, met up on 3 occasions where some sort of sexual activity took place, and it only ended when she finished it. And why’s he telling you now? To make you jealous? To alleviate his own guilt? Because he misses her and wants to talk about her? Maybe because somethings happened that’s made him think you’ll find out anyway so wants to get in there first? I’d never trust him again

tiredanddangerous · 18/04/2020 12:06

Of course it’s a betrayal! He had a secret relationship with another woman! They went on dates and kissed ffs. That would be the end of my marriage.

IchbineinBerlinner · 18/04/2020 12:16

I've been kissed passionately without tongues.

lowlandLucky · 18/04/2020 12:22

I take your husand wont mind you snogging the face off any bloke you work with in future ?

BunnytheHoneyBee · 18/04/2020 12:26

OP it’s up to you how you want to deal with this but please don’t let him make you feel like you are making something of nothing because they “only” kissed.

There are threads on here atm about emotional affairs and that’s what’s going on here too. He kissed her, yes, but he had also been messaging her and meeting her in secret.

He had been having an affair with this woman and she has ended it but what was his plan??

SandyY2K · 18/04/2020 12:27

One of the biggest issues here is his lack of remorse and minimising the kiss/kisses.

It also sounds like it ended because she wanted it to, not him.

BlueHairBlues · 18/04/2020 12:27
Flowers
Shmithecat2 · 18/04/2020 12:27

@tiredanddangerous

Of course it’s a betrayal! He had a secret relationship with another woman! They went on dates and kissed ffs. That would be the end of my marriage.

This. With bells on.

Chocolate123 · 18/04/2020 12:31

They were chatting for months they kissed on more than one occasion. He's only telling you because either he's hassling her shes told him to stop and he's scared you'll find out the truth or someone else knows. Secret didn't bother him before.

GreenTomatoes2014 · 18/04/2020 12:35

Oh dear. I'm sorry to say that I don't believe it was just kissing. I agree with another poster, he's "fessed up and told you a very minimalist version of events, probably because she threatened to tell you what's happened between them and his hand was forced.

Men who have been having affairs very seldom "fess up for no apparent reason - why would they if they haven't been found out? The apparent randomness of his confession is bizarre and doesn't make any sense. It actually poses more questions than it answers.

I'm sorry. This is hard to hear. But on the outside, looking in, this is what I think.

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