Husband has admitted kissing another woman

[strawberrysparkle2]

My husband has confessed to kissing another woman, a female colleague from work.

He said it happened last year, on 3 separate occasions. And he feels he has to tell me now due to there being a secret in our marriage. I did not believe it was just kissing at first, so he showed me some messages between them - turns out they were chatting for months. He has defended it by saying they didn't 'kiss with tongues or anything' but it was passionate kisses I asked how it happened in the first place, he says they met up for coffee a few times and it just happened. According to the latest messages, she broke the friendship off as she didn't want anything further to happen.

I feel torn. I did know he has a friendship with a woman at work as he had spoken about her a few times but no idea it was this deep. He thinks it's ok because it was just kisses but felt guilty enough to tell me. But I still see it as a betrayal

I could have written your post. My STBEXH did this 12 years ago when I was pregnant, he kissed and dated a female colleague.
Wish I’d posted on Mumsnet at the time. Instead I foolishly stayed in the marriage until last year. I could never forgive him and realised he was doing it again (and probably had been for the last 12 years).
Your husband sounds like a manipulative knob. Get your ducks in a row. Life really is too short to be with a man like that, he doesn’t deserve you. Good luck.

He felt guilty but its ok it was just kissing-which is it then

and he told you because she was prob go9ing to tell you herself-bastard

@ichbieneinberlinner

What, on the foof?

@hotcrossbungle I was gonna ask that! :)

Yeah I bet if she didn't cool it off he wouldn't have told you. He probably would have gone much further with it too if she had been up for it. He's probably only telling you before she tells you herself. I would definitely leave this relationship. It's gone on for months without him saying anything. He's already shown you how good he is at hiding things and lying. They rarely change OP. Chances are he will do it again.

This is absolutely a betrayal, just because they didn’t have sex doesn’t mean it isn’t an affair. It’s the emotional side to it that’s the most gutting IMO. Don’t let him minimise this, it wasn’t a heat of the moment mistake, it happened over months and sounds like it only ended when it did because she put a stop to it.

Sorry, not trying to make you feel worse, but you have every right to feel betrayed.

He was going out with someone WHILE MARRIED. Of course it's a betrayal. And he would have shagged her given half a chance. But the actual issue was him DATING SOMEONE while married to you.

I think it's good he told you.

Hmmm, I would calmly tell him that I would want to speak to her to hear her side. Not to have a go at her but really to see if he is playing it all down and preempting her telling you something different. See how he reacts to that.

He didn't snog her at a party then confess over a hangover the next day feeling awful. He dated her and kissed her on separate, sober occasions. Not something I could get past at all.