Did you choose the right lockdown buddy?

[EssentialHippo]

Ok I appreciate it isn't a choice per se as I own half the house we live in but I so wish I was spending lockdown with my mum and I don't care if that makes me sound like a 12 year old at all.

I have a 4 month old DS and DP does fuck all for him. He swore at our baby the other day for crying. My mum on the other hand is brilliant. She doesn't take over - I still do the majority nappies, baths, feeds, up in the night, steraliser etc but her just holding DS is helpful. Or taking him for 5 when he is crying. DP has left him on the sofa looking really uncomfortable and grizzly. Or he will leave him to cry instead of comforting him. I just want to snap at DP. What is wrong with him?

I spent some time at mums recently and I wish I was going back. I miss talking to her face to face. I miss seeing how happy DS is with his nanny. I miss normal conversations. I miss my mum.

Instead I have a grump who prefers his phone to me and DS and only ever criticises what I have or haven't done. I dread the next lot of "constructive feedback" I haven't asked for and each night the constant pressure to be affectionate (I used to be but during pregnancy he rejected me so much I can't bare it any more!).

I was going to say this was light-hearted but it appears it isn't.... Anyway who would you choose for lockdown if it were a simple choice to make?

Go and stay with your mum. Permanently.

The latest rules state you can move homes- do it!

He sounds like a horrible partner and rubbish dad.
I have a 4 month old son too and I wouldn't dream of swearing at him. He's a baby, they cry it's nothing personal.

You should go to your mums.

That's interesting @midnightstar66 I don't watch the news any more as it overwhelms me. My mum gives me the latest updates which I may need to know etc. I would just feel guilty about going if I or DS end up having CV and passing it to her. She takes drugs which suppress her immune system and DP is still out working. I would never forgive myself if I gave it to her and the worst happened.

This is not a “during lockdown I’ve realised how irritating my partner” type scenario. This sounds like your partner is nasty and a terrible parent. Take the kids and leave.

Well I never had any notion when I met DP that 10 years on we'd be locked down together! But actually I think he's a great person to be with - emotionally stable, calm and optimistic. I've been lucky.

Yes they did clarify today that the police won't charge you for going to stay with someone else following arguments at home, if you're desperate. It's ok too to spend time apart from your DP when you are at home too - give him some time on his phone, and also ask him to mind DS while you have time to yourself. And try video chat with your mum to show her DS. I've been taking my mum on video tours of the work I've been doing in the garden.

If you are both well and symptom feee the chances are you don't have it. Someone posted a thread on here tonight which was guidance to police and clarified the rules. One of which was moving homes for a good reason as long as it was for a reasonable time scale (the example they bribe is for days rather than hours)

@Greendayz I'm glad your partner is a good lockdown buddy It is lovely that people's relationships are flourishing in this time.

To respond to the rest I already video call mum at least once a day. She is lonely as well as she is on her own. DP won't take DS for long and usually he just sticks him on his own on the floor/sofa/cot. DP gets plenty of time by himself. I don't bother him when he gets in anymore. I do dinner and clear up or if he does dinner I clear up again. He gets control of the TV and then has all evening when DS and I go upstairs around 7.30. I stay out his way because he ignores me and it is depressing. He then comes to bed and tries it on. Every. Fucking. Night!

Oh lovely, if you don't have the symptoms just go to your mother. This is a time to be with the people you love.

OP, I think I may be living with your 'D'P's twin brother.
I also am in lockdown with a manchild who does nothing to help me with our 11 week old baby. Yes, he's better with our 2 older kids (4 and 13) but absolutely crap with baby.
He hasn't done one night feed, sterilised any bottles, changed a nappy, bathed him, but still as the audacity to comment on my parenting!
I am exhausted looking after 3 kids while this is all happening and all the time he is laid on the bed watching telly with his phone in his hand. Thank god he goes back ot work next week.

Sending you hugs

Oh @EssentialHippo, if your mum will happily have you to stay then go. I would.

I would leave him and go to your mother. He sounds awful.

I moved out at half term, living being by myself!

Stay completely out of your partner's way for a week....
Have you got a different room you can sleep in?

Then go to your mums, please, this could last months

Go and stay with your mum. Sounds like you would be so much happier, as would your son, as would she. No brainer OP!

4 month old alone on the sofa? He'll find his own way on to the floor in a week or two. Get out of there - the baby is in more danger than your mum.

Thank you all. I'm going to speak to mum today. I don't think she'll be concerned about us going. She has pretty much said we're welcome.

@TomHardysjockstrap ha! Yes it does. i can't imagine having two more children to entertain as well. for you too.

@Footle that's my concern. DS is incredibly active and it wouldn't take much I fear for him to fall off. Thankfully he didn't and he was alone for seconds as I was in the kitchen adjoining.

You sound like your living with my ex husband. Go to your mums trust me. You'll feel so much better not walking on eggshells and having someone who can support you with the baby.

Go to your mums have some lovely kindness and support at this time. Enjoy your beautiful baby with someone who enjoys him as much as you do instead of some man child with his constructive criticism- what even is that ?!?!

Go to your mum. I couldn’t imagine spending another day with someone who treats me with such indifference.
Just pack what you need and go.

Sounds as if you'll be welcome at your mum's. The baby won't be sworn at - who swears at a baby? And you won't be fending off a sex pest whom you don't like or trust.

Yes . I was at dp's on the day they announced lockdown so stayed put, longest I've spent with him ever and I'm dreading going home (I have to next week because of caring responsibilities / exh needing to work away)

How long have you been indoors? If you’ve been away from people for 14 days and you have no symptoms then go to your mums! Your partner isn’t a partner. He’s a dick. Go and be happy

Your situation sounds awful and you should definitely go to your mum's.

To answer your question, I was contempating this yesterday. I have a "one that got away" and when bored thoughts sometimes turn to him.

He was undoubtedly more fun than DH but also infuriating and unreliable. I'm better off as I am but some excitement would be nice.

I will say this for balance, I'm loving being with DH and DD. We think we're better at Apocalypse than normal. There are decent, hard-working, nice men out there. You don't have one.

If you leave DP and go to your mum's just stay away from her in her place for 14 days. Your DP leaves the house, she's immunocompromised.