I'm Suspicious that she's not actually his ex

[Beatricesheilamaria]

Got with boyfriend about 6 months ago, he and his partner had split 3 months before. Initially it wasn't serious, but became moreso and now with lockdown and spending 24/7 together even more so...
Anyway. His ex partner moved away with the kids to a cheaper part of the country and to be near her family. She doesn't work as he pays a good bit of maintenance and doesn't need to. He visits sometimes for a week during midterm, long weekends etc.
All that is fine with me, he needs to see his kids and I like the break away from him. He always said he was staying in her house and it didn't bother me as he needs quality time with the children and you don't get that in a hotel.
So. Lockdown. And I'm staying with him. He is the type of guy that is full of I love yous and other platitudes, but I'm starting to wonder if it's all hot air.
He calls her and the kids every evening and I have to sit in another room as she doesn't know about me. This is fine. The calls go on for an hour plus and it's mostly her and him talking as kids are small. Pandemic is not the time to spring a new girlfriend on anyone so I don't complain. But also when his friends and family call, he pretends to be alone as well. No one knows about me. The supposed love of his life.
Then (I wouldn't normally do this) I looked up his ex on Facebook. Her profile picture is still one of him and her. She has posted on his wall a few times, "their song" and other sweet things (I don't actually use FB and was never arsed checking his page).
I'm really not sure what's going on. I don't know if they're still together and decided to raise the children in the countryside while he works in the city (but then he doesn't go down every weekend, maybe once a month or every two months). Or if the lockdown has made me paranoid. I have asked him and he says theyre not together but he needs to keep her sweet so he can see the kids.
Am I super thick or super paranoid? Please help me decide.

You're not paranoid, I'd hazard a guess that he's still with her. When did she last post anything relating to him on Facebook OP? X

You are being remarkably tolerant

No way would I be happy about being kept a secret from his family and friends after being with someone for 6 months

I'd be suspicious too. Before recent events, did you meet any of his friends?

I don't think you are being paranoid. Sounds like he's still seeing her.

No he doesn't need to 'keep her sweet ' to see the kids.
Sound like they are still together or way too involved still with each others lives.
Messy.

There are ex partners who still have very strong friendships - that’s fine obviously and might be the case here. What would raise big ? for me is that you are being kept a secret from everyone & not just her. If you are serious about someone then they get introduced to your friends and family. In my experience (as something similar happened to me years ago) if you are kept private then it’s either because they are still item or he is unsure about your relationship and it’s likely longevity. Sorry OP! As above, been there!

When did you move in together - just for lockdown? Sounds very dodgy to me.

Dodgy as fuck.

There's no need to keep you secret from his family. I would be suspicious as well.
Sounds like you're the OW?

Do you hear their conversation at all?

Has he told you why they split up?

100% NOT his ex

Instead he's pretending he's staying away to protect her and he's 'working so hard'

It's all bollocks and you're the fluff

Sorry I don't know how to quote people! The last time she posted was a few weeks ago. Just a video of something. Before lockdown I hadn't met any of his friends. I did say that I wanted to be introduced but there's always an excuse. Now he's saying wait till the end of May, but when May comes I know there'll be another excuse. I don't listen to their phone calls but I can tell when he's talking to her because he goes quiet and he's loud with the children. I'm kind of stuck here as my flatmate is a nurse in a and e and I offered to move out because I'm tablets that compromise my immune system. It's just anytime I complain or bring anything up he makes me feel like I'm causing a drama. But it's not unreasonable to want to meet his family and friends (even though he has flat out refused to meet mine).
Urgh. I'm an idiot.

I can't believe that you halfway believe him? You need to move out, like tomorrow.

Him paying a lot of maintenance, which means she doesn't have to work at all is dodgy as well.

That means he's paying rent on the house she lives in, ad well as his, (assuming she's bot living parents) ...all the bills and child support too ... for someone he wasn't married to?

I'd have to set up a fake Facebook account and message her...or find another way to get the truth.

Yes, all very suspicious. I wouldn’t be ok with this at all. Even if they are actually split, he still is very enmeshed with her and it sounds as though he wants them to be together even if they’re not. Although it sounds very likely they are.

Why dont you leave your phone on record in the room he uses and listen to the conversation afterwards? Not ideal or appropriate... I know... but if he's really not giving anything away and your instincts are telling you somethings not right....??

Has he moved in with you? If so, where has he told his family he is living?

I’d be a bit put out if he was spending sixty minutes plus to someone every evening. What does he talk about? Can you evesdrop on their conversation?

Similarly, when he’s talking to family, can you ‘accidentaly’ go into the room to pick up your phone, book etc... , or to offer him a cup of tea? How would he react?

Even if they have split, being someone's secret gets very hurtful very quickly. If it's too soon for anyone to know you exist then it's too soon for him to be dating and he shouldn't have got involved with someone.

You sound very willing to slot into the areas of his life he is willing to have you, without acting on or asking for what you know you want and need.

I get the sense you aren't communicating to him how anxious this makes you because if you were to say you aren't comfortable continuing a relationship with someone who won't even introduce you to friends / family / even mention you to them, then he would break up with you rather than agree to what you want. And so because you don't want to break up, you aren't broaching they subject.

That could go on for years. Decide what YOU want from a relationship, assert those expectations and if your wants, needs and expectations aren't compatible then you need to act accordingly and break up with him. I've seen friends of mine kept secret for yeaaaars and it's confidence annihilating.

Don't be that person.

So you are his dirty secret. Not a good guy by the sounds of your post OP.
Where does his ex think he is living during lockdown?

At six months in you don't need to be suspicious, just walk away. Plenty of men don't have weird secretive shit going on.

She's still his partner and he's lying to you.

I’m going to have a wild guess that he doesn’t have SM.
What crappy reason has he got for you leaving the room for other phone calls?

‘The supposed love of his life.’

You’re not and you know you’re not. I don’t think you love him either though. You haven’t said anything to indicate that. This relationship is clearly going nowhere. People in love proudly show off their relationship. they don’t hide it and refuse to meet your friends and family.

Were you very lonely before you met him? Why are you with him?

No way is he being honest.

I'd be finding anywhere else to stay and just go. He doesn't even deserve an explanation given he's treated you so poorly.

Nope it's all rubbish he's telling you. Just move out. 6 months you should just be dating and having fun not dealing with all this crap. It's crazy all these people moving in with eachother just because of corona

what reason did he give for not meeting your friends? (which would have given me huge pause on its own)

Have you got anywhere else you can go?