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Original poster

The one that got away

44 replies

Sounhappy1234 · 12/04/2020 22:05

Does anyone else obsess over their ‘one that got away?’
I deleted mine from Facebook a while ago. He then recently kept adding me as a friend and I kept rejecting the requests. In the end I messaged him to say that I didn’t trust myself to be friends with him as it was too tempting to message him, but that I thought of him often and I then blocked him from Facebook and messenger.
I was not expecting to hear from him again, but he messaged me from a fake profile and said he thought about me too. He went onto say lovely things.

Arrgghh, please tell me I am not alone in fantasising about what ifs? Past Love interests? In another life?

I am married btw, so could never act in it.

OP posts:
SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 12/04/2020 22:08

The boy who broke my heart (like, catastrophically) when we were 16 gets really drunk every couple of months and messages me to say he thinks letting me go might be the worst mistake he's ever made. We're 28 now, and im not always smart enough to ignore him.

Petiolaris · 12/04/2020 22:12

I think of him often. I loved him very much. Unfortunately he was manipulative and I’m not convinced that he genuinely loved me. Loving someone and having a secure future with them are two different things.

Original poster
Sounhappy1234 · 12/04/2020 22:13

@SomeoneElseEntirelyNow
That must be so hard - I am sorry!

OP posts:
Original poster
Sounhappy1234 · 12/04/2020 22:15

@petiolaris you are so right, I need to remember this. It’s hard though-heart vs head

OP posts:
CrossFreelancer · 12/04/2020 22:22

Sighhh
Yes I do. I just heard he had a baby a few days ago.
He was lovely. We had just met too early in life.
I'm married now with children.

I still like to tell/dream to myself that we will get married one day. Blush

Original poster
Sounhappy1234 · 12/04/2020 22:24

I’m so glad I’m not alone in this!

OP posts:
EngagedAgain · 12/04/2020 22:43

I do it all the time. Not just about one person 😚. I know why - it's because I am in a very unhappy long term relationship (hoping not for much longer) and I fantasize/reminisce about not a boyfriend as such, but someone who wanted to be with me, but I was happily married at the time, or thought I was, and my ex husband (although he let me down basically) but I was happy when I was with him. Hope that made sense!

twoheaped · 12/04/2020 22:53

Oh gosh yes, I'm another one and this lock down seems to have sparked my memory more than usual.

Realistically, he did right in dumping me, we would never have lasted in marriage, but the hurt never really left.
Ironically, he was a far better catch than I ever was and was very easy to get along with whereas I could be quite prickly.
He married the girl he went out with after me but they didn't last long before divorcing.
I on the other hand mellowed with age and have been married for 20 years.
You really would have predicted it the other way on our younger selves.

Mulhollandmagoo · 12/04/2020 22:54

Sometimes he drifts into my mind, and I have a little daydream. The reality is though that he wasn't right for me, and if we were together now the reality would be absolutely nothing like the daydream, 9 years on and he still can't hold down a relationship! He's a friend of my brother too so I see him more often than I'd like

MummyNWife · 12/04/2020 22:58

Yep

AndSheSteppedOnTheBall · 12/04/2020 23:01

I sometimes think about the ones that got away, but I think it’s telling that I never actually had a relationship with any of them. I never think about any of my actual exes regretfully - I’m friends with some but have totally drawn a line under the feelings.

The ones that got away for me are the lovely boys I should have dated but for various reasons it didn’t happen. Obviously if it had I’m sure I’d never wonder “what if?”. They’d be in the “nah” category with all the other exes.

Anyway, I’m very happy now with one of the ones that didn’t get away.

HermanTheWorm · 12/04/2020 23:34

There's one.
To be honest, I think I'm glad we didn't go the full distance because it means I can look back fondly and imagine how it would be. If we had gone anywhere, I just know I would have ruined it like I always do.
It's nicer to have the memories of the fun, friendship and affection we shared.

Dannyandsandy · 12/04/2020 23:41

So disrespectful to your current partners.

AndSheSteppedOnTheBall · 12/04/2020 23:57

Well, smell you, Nancy Drew.

threesecrets · 12/04/2020 23:59

He blocked me from Facebook. Ignored my letters. I split up with him. He wasn't right for me to marry. But he would have been a great friend if he had let us be friends. 12 years on and he has still blocked me and ignores any letters. Deep sadness

ilikebigbuttsandicannotlie · 13/04/2020 00:00

He’s not the person I would have wanted to marry and create a life together with but boy, he was the absolute best sex I’ve ever had. I think about it sometimes Grin

bluechameleon · 13/04/2020 00:02

I don't have any contact with him but I often think of him or dream about him. He never loved me so there was never any hope. I am happily married but can't shift these feelings.

StinkyWizzleteets · 13/04/2020 00:05

Two who got away... 1 died, that makes me very sad.

The other I actually got away from him really but I often wonder what it would have been like if we’d gone beyond flirting and I hadn’t got together with my current partner instead (I actually had a choice once upon a time). We’d never have lasted like my partner and I have but I think it would have been short and very intense.

Alysanne · 13/04/2020 08:27

I used to when I was near the end of mh telationship with my ex but not anymore. My new partner is a great guy who I'm really happy with . I mostly romantisized my first ever relationship as it was an escape from my abusive parents. In reality it would never work out. He liked my friends abit too much and wanted someone who would turn a blind eye while worshipping the ground he walked on.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 13/04/2020 10:15

I blocked mine on fb when he added me and on his profile it said married. That must have been about 10 yrs ago. I google him occasionally. On friday I was feeling physically rough and spent the day in bed. I googled him and got a result from nov. last year. That night I dreamed about him which left me in a really bad mood saturday. Why did I do that to myself?

thebridgelooksbroken · 13/04/2020 10:23

@Dannyandsandy

Hmm please. There's nothing wrong with reflecting on the past. We all have one, even you no doubt!

Acting on it is of course disrespectful.

StormBaby · 13/04/2020 10:31

I'm still FB friends with mine, I dated him for 6 weeks before meeting DH and I was smitten. I'm very respectful of my DH and we never private message. I'd stop any messaging dead in their tracks as I know where it would lead.

WTF0ver · 13/04/2020 10:35

I still think from time to time about the childhood "romance" I had in primary school. He moved away but wrote to me a few years later when I was in the grip of awkward, spotty, self-loathing teenagerhood. A long letter talking about what he was up to and how much he'd liked me and hinting that he had nobody to take to the school Christmas dance. I was mortified and thought that this vision of loveliness he was talking about couldn't possibly be me so I didn't write back. I regret that now but at the time I had zero confidence and was sure he'd be disappointed if he met me again.

Fast forward about 20 years and I went digging around on FB and he's married to an American woman now. She looks a bit like me, he must have a type.

muckycat · 15/04/2020 14:29

Mine is ridiculous.

OLD, had 2 weekends together and he ghosted me. He behaved pretty shittily, telling me all sorts of romantic nonsense but if any of what he said about his life was true he was having an awful time outside of dating I wouldn't have been a priority.

Fully aware he behaved badly but the conversation was so easy and deep and we had such a strong attraction. I can't shake the thought that beneath the bullshit and scattiness was a great person who I clicked with mutually and it was something worth exploring but he didn't want to. And I do feel it was at that time, rather than at all.

I don't know whether to text him. Well I do know, it was a year ago. I should leave it but it still feels somewhat unfinished. I've never felt like this about someone, even after proper relationship.

stanski · 15/04/2020 14:46

We broke up when we were 19/20 (33 and 34 now). I regularly have dreams about him and always wonder what would have happened had we met later in life as opposed to when we were young, wild and free from responsibilities.

Whilst we have had no contact since then, we have friends in common from school days. Interestingly we've followed similar paths - both relocated abroad (to different countries) and both ended up in similar job roles whilst also having our own business on the side.