The one that got away

[Sounhappy1234]

Does anyone else obsess over their ‘one that got away?’
I deleted mine from Facebook a while ago. He then recently kept adding me as a friend and I kept rejecting the requests. In the end I messaged him to say that I didn’t trust myself to be friends with him as it was too tempting to message him, but that I thought of him often and I then blocked him from Facebook and messenger.
I was not expecting to hear from him again, but he messaged me from a fake profile and said he thought about me too. He went onto say lovely things.

Arrgghh, please tell me I am not alone in fantasising about what ifs? Past Love interests? In another life?

I am married btw, so could never act in it.

Yep... we got together when I was just 16, we broke up 18 months later because he had an amazing job offer hundreds of miles away and he took it, knowing I couldn't go with him. So we decided to break it off as long distance wasn't something we wanted. We met up quite a few times over the years, I'm 30 now! always ended up having sex regardless of who we were both with at the time. Then he got married, he still messages me from time to time, friendly stuff really, I'm happy with someone else now too, I'd never meet up with him again but we are friends on Facebook. He will always be the one that got away but there was no future for us.

I ended up dating my "one who got away" and saw a horrible side to him - he was weird and cruel and hurt me badly. I wish I'd never gone there even though on one level it's good as I had any illusions about him shattered. Still it's a shame because he's a nice friend and now I know that side of him, I can't look at him the same way.

Yes but I was way too young and it was very toxic. Lockdown and being ill has weirdly revived those memories. I want to slap myself whenever I get them.

Mine is/was emotionally very difficult, troubled and not someone I could build the sort of family life I want with - I tried very hard twice and it shattered me. I think of him still, but I'm in no doubt that what I have with my fiancée (and baby on the way) is infinitely more valuable, healthier and has an actual future that isn't one of huge highs and intense lows.

Cross Freelancer

Your story sounds similar to mine, met 30 years ago, too young. I married someone else had two kids and unfortunately my husband passed away just over 2 years ago.

Coincidentally my past love found me on FB 15 months ago and we met after talking every day for 3 months and have been seeing each other ever since. He lives an jour and s half away from me so not seen each other since lockdown.

He was my one who got away and i was his

Mine is the most ridiculous TOTGA. I feel idiotic.

He is 8 years younger than me, an absolute hedonist nightmare who still lives with his mum. He is wildly intelligent, the best conversations I have ever had, but has completely wasted that intelligence and spends his weekends in the pub taking drugs. The sex was only good because I fancied him so much. As soon as I clapped eyes on him I was ultra aware of him (we were out for a day in a group) and him me. We spent the entire night kissing.

I couldn’t and wouldn’t have properly let him into my 3dcs life and my responsible job. It was weird though as we saw each other on and off over two years and every time we went out in public people said we really suited each other. We tried to be friends but if we saw each other we got off with each other. He hates me now and avoids me like the plague.

Since lockdown I have done nothing but think and dream about him and look him up on twitter as he’s blocked me everywhere. I think this time has made it come into sharp focus how strongly we felt, something that living everyday, busy lives masked. I feel like I have to get over him all over again.

Is it something about lockdown?
I've dreamt about the one who got away.... Well in reality he didn't get away, he just didn't choose me. He chose someone else and married her. It broke my heart. 8 years on I'm happily married and love my DH dearly and have a family of my own but I recently dreamt about my ex and dreamt we were together and how our lives played out. When I woke up all the old pain came flooding back. it's obviously still an open wound that still hurts.
Bizzare.

And just to add, ex treated me like complete utter shite whole time we wer together and never made me feel loved or good enough and yet somewhere inside I clearly hold some sort of candle for him.

If I'm honest ex was a cunt.

Actually enrages me that I still feel gutted he didn't choose me lol

Mine was from when I was sixteen, he was 17. We never had a real relationship but always gravitated towards each other and would "hook up" on occasion! He told me he would always be there if I needed him. But at the time he was all about his mates and I knew that and never expected more from him!
I always thought about him over the years especially because he was the only boy/man who had ever made me feel safe.
Fast forward 20 years, a year and a day after I split from my narcissistic XH after 18 years- and the one that got away messaged me!
Yep- all the old butterflies came back and we started dating! We've been together now nearly 4 years and got engaged last year!
He's not perfect but we now know each other on a deeper level and he has helped me to become a stronger woman and helped to bring me back to the person I was before I met my XH!
I feel happy and safe to be me once again, and truly feel it might have taken its time but it really was worth the wait.

I am now with the one that got away . It wasn't definitely worth him getting in touch.

I have and I think about him every day ☹️

I have one. Took too long to realise I loved him and too much had happened/time passed/missed the chance.
What a mess

Mine only left on November. I've had to block him on everything for my own sanity. I dont think I'll ever stop thinking about him.

Mine broke my heart so badly I thought I'd never get over him, he's been in on/off relationships for years, 2 years ago I married my husband and the one who got away messaged me to say congratulations.

I still think about him, but I don't love him. I used to think "what if.." then remember the heartache and toxicity

I’m so glad it’s not just me. Mine is from 12 years ago, I’ve been married for 7 but I still think about the one that got away a lot. I don’t know if we’d have worked long term but I’ve never felt such an intense pull towards anyone else. We were both young and immature and let it slip away, too young and realise that you don’t find that kind of connection easily. He messaged me last year and told me he’s always regretted it. It was so nice to hear and yet so painful to hear as well. I can’t imagine I’ll ever not feel a twinge of sadness over it.

I put up a sign in a music shop in 2000, asking for people to play music with. He contacted me and we clicked massively in terms of music. He was 48 with a daughter of 15 from a LTR. I was 26 and single. A friendship began, there were nights I stayed over at his. He sometimes alluded to sex stuff in his past, I was still quite new to sex and had been fairly promiscuous in the previous couple of years as a student. He and I spent so much time in his flat, sometimes recording music in his attic; there was huge attraction there but I didn't ultimately have the confidence to approach him about it.

One night I'd been at his, and as we lived just around the corner from each other, he would walk me home at the end of the night. We started to kiss goodbye and it got very hot and hands-all-over. He said "I just want to take you home" - and I just froze and the moment passed.

We are still close friends, 300 miles apart, we've shared a lot of emotional support, and I kick myself that I didn't go home with him. 22 years age gap......me still finding myself sexually....I have no doubt that he'd have been an amazing lover and it would have been a beautiful night. It's kind of delicious to dwell on and fantasise about.

About 3 years ago, I was desperately unhappy in an abusive marriage, and I became quite obsessed with him. It lasted for a good 12-18 months, and then stopped fairly suddenly. I wonder to myself whether the moment will ever come when I can tell him how much and how intensely that flame burned.

Mine is from ten years ago.
Our timing was never right and we live a
Few hours away from each other now.

I wanted marriage, kids etc. He didn't want that at all with anyone. I moved away as I knew he couldn't give me what I wanted and I have a daughter and I'm married. I'm happy.

I still think about him. He was my best friend and I have never felt such a connection with anyone else. I've never been so at ease with anyone before or since. I can't describe it very well but we would almost mind read each other. I miss him so much.

What people are saying about lockdown bringing on these feelings again, well it's true for me. It feels as raw today as it did all those years ago and I've had a few cries today.

I feel for everyone on here who feels like this it's horrible. I feel sad and guilty. I can't even talk to anyone about it as my DH is amazing and they would all tell me to have a word with myself. So that's what I am doing.

To think I will never see him again breaks me.

I met a woman a few months before I met my (male) dp and had a proper "lightning bolt" moment. I've never had feelings for a woman before but I couldn't stop thinking about her. We became close friends almost immediately and I heard through the grapevine that she had feelings for me too. But she was an out and proud lesbian and I'd never even kissed a woman before. My last relationship had ended miserably and I was in a bad place generally so I was very afraid of leading her on and leaving her feeling used, like I'd used her to "experiment" with or as a rebound after too many bad men. Then I met my dp and had strong feelings for him too and it just seemed easier to pursue another heterosexual relationship. Things worked out, we how have children and are very happy, we moved away and I lost touch with my friend. But I think of her often and wonder how different my life might have been if I'd just had the corouage to tell her how I felt.

I was 16, he was 17, we had a holiday romance and kept it going for a few months afterwards until he dumped me! Anyway, I moved on, met my now gorgeous DH and have been married for 40 odd years! However, exBF found me several years ago on Friends Reunited and boom! There was instant mutual attraction, he's bloody gorgeous, to look at, AND he a multi millionaire!! £3m house, villa in Portugal, a fuck off yacht! Aagghh! Thing is though. he's a serial womaniser so I'd never have been happy with him I wouldn't swap my DH for anything or anyone.