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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How do I end it with him

27 replies

Avalaura · 11/04/2020 09:46

I need to end my relationship with bf. I gave him a 2nd chance after he acted like a man child even at 48! and I'm much more mature than him 32. And he finished with me saying I made HIM miserable!! But he apologised (only after his cousin told him to) and has changed.... But I no longer find him attractive or want him touching me. I do anything to avoid kissing him. He keeps saying I love you to me and I dont say it back but he doesn't say anything. I asked him in what way he loves me and he said 'I'm all he has'. (He has no family left apart from 2 distant cousins who he talks to and some mates).

I would be friends with him while this virus blows over but I don't know how to say. Even though he hurt me (i know shouldn't have given him a 2nd chanceHmm)
So complicated or am I making hard on myself?

OP posts:
OhLook · 11/04/2020 09:48

Do you live together

HollyBollyBooBoo · 11/04/2020 09:51

Just need to be honest with him, say how you feel and that it's over.

Are there any practicalities you need to sort out like living arrangements?

Original poster
Avalaura · 11/04/2020 09:54

No he has his own flat but has lived here since the lockdown. We split up before the lockdown.

OP posts:
Techway · 11/04/2020 10:20

You just need to be very straightforward. This isn't working for me and I would like you to return to your own flat. Do you have any fears of him being aggressive?

You are not responsible for him and being "all he has," isn't the right reason to stay together. There is such an age gap that you could end up being his carer.

Be resolute,he may attempt emotional blackmail but just focus on the end result which is to end this.

smiften · 11/04/2020 10:23

Why do you need to end it with someone you've already split up with?

Original poster
Avalaura · 11/04/2020 10:26

Thank you no he's not an aggressive person. Just need to pluck up the courage to do it

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 11/04/2020 16:41

Sod that... tell him it's not working and you want your space.. if its easier you could maybe just tell him you can talk after all this is over.. but right now he needs to leave Flowers

madcatladyforever · 11/04/2020 16:43

I can't see what the problem is. You just say I don't want to be with you any more please leave. Job done. Are you hoping he will give you his permission?
Don't wait for that just get rid. Tell him to go home. You aren't married, he has no hold over you.

IslaMann · 11/04/2020 16:52

I bet he's using lockdown as an excuse why he can't go home. He can. He just needs to load his bag into his car and go. If needs be tell him you want a break and you'll reconsider when lockdown ends. It's miserable enough at the moment without being with someone you don't want to be with.

Shadowdoor21 · 11/04/2020 16:59

'Get out ma house ya dick'.
Done and done.

If he lives alone he can just go home.

cheeseislife8 · 11/04/2020 17:05

If he lives alone he would be permitted to just go home. Tell him to get out, and enjoy the peace

category12 · 11/04/2020 17:34

Don't let the emotional blackmail of you're "all he has" stop you. He has his cousins and his mates, and he'll meet someone else in time. You don't owe him a relationship. Tell him it's time to go back to his own flat.

BumbleBeee69 · 11/04/2020 21:41

'Get out ma house ya dick'.
Done and done.

Yip this works better..... Grin

Aquamarine1029 · 11/04/2020 21:45

Put on your big girl pants and just get rid. Why waste even one more second of your life on him? He has his own place so it's not as though he'd be homeless. There doesn't need to be any long, drawn out conversation or debate, just tell him it's over and he needs to leave, as in right now.

billy1966 · 11/04/2020 21:46

Get out of my space and please get away from me.

Stop minding him OP...start minding YOU.

Get away.

Women need to learn to mind themselves first👍👍👍

JKScot4 · 11/04/2020 21:47

If you split before lockdown why is he in your house?
Show him the door asap

Original poster
Avalaura · 12/04/2020 10:59

@JKScot4 we got back together before lockdown.

I tried to talk to him about ending it and I said I'm getting over him hurting me the last time. But he's adamant that when the lockdown is over and we 'go back to normal that we might be better. And that he doesn't wanna lose me even though we don't have much in common and he knows he does my head in. He doesn't care that I don't say love you back to him. That's obvious he doesn't care how I feel and just using me so he isn't lonely isn't it??? Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
Avalaura · 12/04/2020 11:00

I'm gonna tell him I don't feel the same way anymore and I want out. And he has to get out.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 12/04/2020 11:22

That's it OP.
You are a convenience for this period.
Ask him to leave.
If he refuses, call the police.
Flowers

Greenkit · 12/04/2020 12:37

Tell him to move back home and then see how you feel.

If it's over at least he isn't in your house

BumbleBeee69 · 12/04/2020 12:40

Phone the Police.. he is controlling the narrative.. bullying you buy forcing you to accommodate him living in your home.. get him out today Flowers

BackseatCookers · 12/04/2020 12:58

I'm gonna tell him I don't feel the same way anymore and I want out. And he has to get out.

Do this. Follow through and you'll be so relieved and proud of yourself. If he won't leave call the police. I know that feels huge but it's totally justified and they will help you. Does he leave the house to do essential food shops or anything? If he won't move out but he does do that then you'll have to call the police then and explain the situation. They will help.

AgentJohnson · 12/04/2020 18:27

Rip the plaster off, he’s rid. His ‘I don’t have anybody else’ statement says it all.

Original poster
Avalaura · 13/04/2020 00:37

Yes I followed through with it. Uh I feel so much better 🙂... I'm pretty sure (when we were together) he kept looking at his ex girlfriends picture on his phone on W.App. he did yesterday. But good riddance Star

OP posts:
Shadowdoor21 · 13/04/2020 00:44

Aww awesome op!
Bet that's a load off your shoulders.
House to yourself now? WineCakeGrin party time