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Original poster

First date, being picked up from home?

31 replies

RaceToMe · 11/04/2020 07:37

I’ve been talking to someone for 3 weeks now, not met and obviously not going to until lockdown has ended. We’ve been talking about going on a date when we can and be mentioned picking me up from home.

I know where he lives (he sent me a photo related to something we were taking about), he doesn’t know where I live apart from the name of the village I’m in. I know his surname. He lives with family still, as do I.

If it was someone I’d met in normal times I’d not want them to pick me up from home the first time I met them. But we wouldn’t have talked for as long then, could be another month or more before we get a chance to meet.

Would you always suggest meeting somewhere public first time? He knows I live with family so people would be around if he did pick me up.

I’ve got time to think about this whilst not being able to go out so would appreciate other thoughts please.

OP posts:

EssentialHummus · 11/04/2020 07:40

I'd meet somewhere public. You don't know him really.

user1635896324685367 · 11/04/2020 07:41

You'll have talked to him online for a long time and have a false sense of security that you "know" him when actually you won't. I'd say in those circumstances it's even more important to have your normal safeguards in place.

Dilisk · 11/04/2020 07:41

Of course not! Meet somewhere public. His man is a total stranger.

Esspee · 11/04/2020 07:43

Never give your address to someone you don't know. Meet and stay somewhere public for a while until you are completely sure about him.
Good luck.

okiedokieme · 11/04/2020 07:45

Meet in a public place and stay in a public place for your first date, don't accept a lift until you know they are genuine and you are comfortable. For me I let him into my home on our 3rd date - he's lying next to me now 6 months on so all was good best of luck

Seapink2 · 11/04/2020 07:58

Always meet in public first time. As well as the safety aspect, it makes it easier to leave if things are not going well!

category12 · 11/04/2020 08:01

Always travel independently on the early dates.

Poppi89 · 11/04/2020 08:23

Do not get into a car with someone you don't know.

Do not give out your address until you know him better and know you want to be with him.
I speak from experience as do a lot of people on here, when an ex or a crush knows where you live it can be awkward or even scary if they are driving past all the time.

Meet in public a few times and then start by getting him to pick you up in a specific (public) area where you live and just use the excuse that you don't want your family coming out and embarrassing you lol.

81Byerley · 11/04/2020 08:24

My husband and I talked online for over two years before we decided to meet. We met in a public place, and I had told my daughter exactly who I was meeting, and where. As it turned out, he had been entirely open and honest about himself, but people aren't always. if you don't mind him knowing where you live, it might even be safer if he picks you up at home and meets your family, but if you decide to meet him in a public place, just let someone know the details, and check in with them so they know you're ok. Good luck!

Wakeupsunshine · 11/04/2020 08:25

Don’t do it. You might dislike him on sight.

category12 · 11/04/2020 08:31

Being picked up puts you in a vulnerable situation. It is not just him knowing where you live, it is being in a car with a stranger. It is not being in control of where you're going, or how/when you get there or get back. Most of the time it's fine, but there are bad people.

dontgobaconmyheart · 11/04/2020 08:32

In the nicest possible way OP I think it's a bit moot- it may not even happen so there is no way on earth I'd give put my address in these circumstances. You don't know him from Adam and lockdown is the perfect set up for people to tell you whatever they want about themselves and it not be proved either way. It's also an even less safe time to be home alone with thr authorities too busy to attend a minor crime.

I would make attempts to get to know him properly and pay attention to whether he wants to get to know you, or is just bored on lockdown. I would assume it is more likely to fizzle our by the end of lockdown when we get our lives back than I would assume it's going anywhere. Not having met someone is quite a big thing and 3 weeks isn't enough to know anything about anyone other than what they want you to think of them. I really wouldn't share my address/explicit photos or anything similar, no bloomin way.

YinuCeatleAyru · 11/04/2020 08:35

always always meet somewhere public first. do not give him your address until you have met up a few times. you have no idea of anything about him. he could be genuine but anyone can present themselves as anything they want online. if your spider senses warn you off when you finally meet, it is easy to cut all contact if it has all been electronic. once he knows your address the shit can get disastrously real. the very fact that he is asking to pick you up from home is a deep orange flag (not quite red) - it could just be that he isn't very thoughtful and doesn't understand how many awful men are out there, or it could be quite deliberate.

islandislandisland · 11/04/2020 08:37

Meet somewhere public and make your own way there. When I was using OLD people would offer to pick me up in their car 'so you can have a drink' so possibility they're hoping to take advantage as well. If you don't like them and they're keen you also don't want them rocking up at your house.

funnylittlefloozie · 11/04/2020 09:04

First date "rules" apply even in these weird times, and even if you feel as if you really know the person already.

My DP and i were introduced by a mutual colleague. I'd known her for 6 years, DP had known and worked with her for 15! I knew dozens of people at my workplace who had known him for a very, very long time (and been married to him in one case!), he was security vetted... so about as safe as anyone could realistically be, and i still made sure that i met him in the car park of the place where we had our first date, and that other people knew where i was going.

Also, it doesnt matter if there are people around when he picks you up. Hes not going to get out of the car waving an axe, is he? Once you drive away, though, all bets are off. My DP picked me up from home on our second date

Its just common sense. Protect yourself - and i hope you have a brilliant first date when you can finally meet.

forumdonkey · 11/04/2020 09:22

Absolutely not, he's a stranger and you only know what he is telling you.

When I was OLD I very quickly realised that what you exchange in messages doesn't always translate to RL. I can think of a few who I was very keen to get away from when I finally met them in RL but their messages had all seemed quite normal. If you felt uneasy you can leave without relying on him.

Abracad · 11/04/2020 09:24

Absolutely not.

AgentJohnson · 11/04/2020 09:27

Hells no, meet at the establishment.

Original poster

RaceToMe · 11/04/2020 09:34

Thanks everyone, if it goes ahead I’ll tell him I’ll meet him wherever we’re going.

He did say he’d pick me up if I felt comfortable with it so I’ll meet him elsewhere for the first few times.

OP posts:

MaeveDidIt · 11/04/2020 09:35

Your safety must come first.
Don't let him know your address or pick you up.
You don't know him.
Why would you put yourself in a potentially vulnerable situation.

I met a guy online who seemed very nice but when I met him on a second date decided he definitely wasn't for me.

For months he kept sending coersive messages and in the end I threatened police action and he stopped. However prior to that I have no doubt that if he had known my address he would have turned up because of his unbalanced mind-set.

MaeveDidIt · 11/04/2020 09:37

Ah didn't see your last post OP.
That's good - hope it goes well.

Techway · 11/04/2020 09:51

Don't meet a stranger in his car. If he pushes back on this or attempts to guilt/shame you then don't go on a date with him. I think most men know that women would want to meet in a public place

Thatnameistaken · 11/04/2020 10:40

What are the logistics for having a first date at the minute when restrictions are in place and social distancing etc?

Thatnameistaken · 11/04/2020 10:41

Never mind I've just seen this is going to happen after restrictions sorry, must take more care reading

Eesha · 11/04/2020 10:47

I personally wouldn't, for safety and also isn't it far nicer to have that excitement of meeting somewhere new together? Meet at a pub when this is all over!

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