Should i encourage him to go back to her??

[astonishedandamazed]

I met a guy a few weeks ago and we have been seeing quite a lot of each other and get on brilliantly!

I know he has a 1 year old child and sees her twice a week. He says he felt suffocated in his previous relationship and left 4 months ago.

Now the problem is....he told me last night his ex is 5 months pregnant with their second child!!

I dont want to be seen as the home wrecker to his family/friends even though he had already left when we met...but cant help thinking if im not around he might go back and try to ressurect there relationship for the childrens sakes.

Or worse still months down the line when we are really involved he may get a pang of guilt and go back anyway!!

How do i play this? What do you all think?

Gorgeous Feebie

What an op, hardly minor! God, he needs to piss off then so you can be calm and relaxed. I hope everything goes well and that you have plenty of visitors (if you want them). Have you made some dinners for your freezer for when you come out? Or do you have some lovely friends and neighbours who will be helping you?
If you were near me I would bring you things.

Anyway, the next few weeks will be the hardest I think, I've had to finish things that were wrong before but when I still wanted them IYSWIM - feels like your situ a bit. I think the worse thing is that when you see their name calling or hear their voice you secretly thrill, heartrate speeds up etc. When they don't phone you feel miserable, even though you finished it and asked them to leave you alone!

My advice would be to keep as busy as possible, stay off alcohol if you can (presumably while op happening and immediately after that won't be a problem)as will is weakened by it and try to make sure you have company in the evenings.

Best of luck for op - let us know how you get on, will be thinking of you and sending lots of healing vibes xx

HW - thanking you for your message must be hard for replying to me after going through something like that with your DH.I am going to stick to my guns as he made his choice, and also show some respect to his wife by not being in touch with me.I know he is lying its just part of you wishes it was true.

W - will be cooking meals & putting them in the freezer as go in to hospital on the 21st october.But lucky me I have got great family & friends. Thanks made me cry your kind words.

I think maybe why I am just feeling so weak at the moment is because I am still feeling poorly, & I am also annoyed now as he wants to tell his wife about me & my name etc, what good is that.....

God why on earth would he want to do that? poor woman, presumably she has enough on her plate, without having to be talked to about it. He sounds like a complete bastard to me with very little respect for his wife.

You are being very strong and brave - wish I had been that strong, I let mine carry on for over 2 years... shamefulemoticon.

Didn't mean to make you cry and am very glad that you have a good support network.

I think basically I am a payback for all the affairs that she has had over the years, & he probably wants her to feel like he did.
I told him that he would be better of not saying anything & go back & make the marriage work. So I am now dreading a knock on the door, just what I need.

Two years how terrible i could have seen that being me and how do you feel now?,I cant imagine loving any one else. I was even considering seeing him when he moves back home but came to my senses.

He could just be saying that about his wife to make you feel bad. The wife is probably a very nice person and although may be angry at first should soon calm down and not really take it out on you.

I struggle with the awful feeling that i have towards the ow but that is mainly because she swore to me that he had not gone back to her when in fact he had. I am more cross at her for lying to me really. I would just like some kind of appology - not for the affair as such - as i know she was spun a load of bullshit too but because she could have so easily helped me fit a few of the pieces together.

So she may be cross but if you know you are doing the right thing she should be ok, remember she is hurting too and may act out of character.

HW - Yes I agree with you its the lying thats worse. I am fraid I know he isnt lying about the fact that she has had various affairs as some people I know worked with his DW.

I think you are very strong, I admire that. Wish I had been as strong as you with my ex husband.

It kind of puts a slightly different light on it if she has been consistently unfaithful as well, although still doesn't make it right for him to do it IMHO.
Either way it seems that you are best out of it.

2 years was incredibly difficult, just as I started to get over it he'd be ringing and knocking at the door with the usual platitudes of - it's you I love etc etc, can't live without you, blah blah blah - thing is when you are lonely and still in love it's incredibly difficult to stay strong. I believe he did love me (as I did him intensely) but he had massive other issues including debt induced alcoholism which forced him to go back to his wife. They now (so I've heard on the grapevine) live in Dubai so I have finally managed to get on with my life unhindered.

I think she is crazy to stay with him as she could do much better no doubt but she ended up knowing all about me, didn't blame me though. I spoke to her once and she was incredibly understanding over my feelings when he wouldn't leave me alone.

And you managed to keep sane....

Today has been tough keep looking at the phone but all i can hope is that i can get through today & each day will get better.

Not sure if sane is exactly the right word.....

Seriously nearly ploughed my car into a bridge when in floods of tears and then realised that if I was going to leave my dcs motherless then I might as well move out to Dubai with him anyway so no point in killing self. (He didn't want children either although think that was an excuse!)

Sooo glad I am now back to my normal insane hippy self with normal dp x