Has anyone ever truly forgiven a cheat?

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I just want to know if it’s actually possible to truly forgive an affair?

Not really, it'll always be there. And you lose that special feeling because they've betrayed you, and you're always wondering if they'd do it again, which they usually will. That's my experience, anyway.

Not experienced it but I feel it's probably impossible.

Are you ok?

I think you can only forgive it if you think it was a reasonable thing that he did, given the circumstances.

I can think of several people I know who have and are happy. In one case, I think it shocked them back into realising how much they valued one another. Some people put less of a premium on sexual fidelity than others.

Definitely true about losing that special feeling. It feels near on impossible to move on from. Dh could not do/say any more if he tried but the damage has been done I think.

When I first found out and he was crying and begging I thought maybe I’d be able to move on from this. It is getting easier with time (it’s been about 4months) but I still feel quite emotional a lot of the time. I was just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation and made things work?

I could probably forgive one if I got a free pass in return. Which doesn’t make me sound great but then again I’ve never cheated !

The end of the special feeling is a really good description. I got the free pass and had a lot of fun but i couldn't face monogamy again and he couldn't deal with that, so it wasn't a help in keeping the relationship going, although it did make me feel a lot better. I still mourn what we had in the sense of that special feeling.
I do know people who have forgiven
Just staying together is easy ... it's the forgiving and staying together that's hard. I could forgive but not stay faithful.

I’m not worried about being unfaithful myself as i know I wouldn’t be. I’m mourning what we had I think. And just wishing it never happened. I want to move on but I don’t seem to know how to.

I couldn't. It's a massive betrayal by someone you trust so much. They shouldn't want to hurt you, yet clearly did by having an affair. You didn't matter to them at that point, only their feelings did. How can anyone forgive that, truly? That level of selfishness cannot be forgiven, and it only shows what they are truly like. I can't trust that kind of person.

I did.
He cheated again.
I divorced him.

I forgave. And forgave. And forgave. In the end I realised I had pretty much lost my sense of self and I ended it. He cheated on the OW, too. It's absolutely soul destroying, OP.

No, I don't think you can completely forgive someone for cheating. I think you can persuade yourself that it improves the marriage because you become more 'open' but that feeling of a connection and trust is gone and will never come back. I'm 3.5 years down the road and in his head we are stronger for it (he was the cheat) and I am too tired to go tell him I don't think we are. I was happier before it happened. I loved that person back then (including myself). Now i feel empty and I'm married to someone that looks like my husband but comes with all the hurt and pain.

Do yourself a favour, don't be me. Walk away now and build yourself a new life. It's too late for me (for lots of reasons) but if I could turn the clock back....I wouldn't be here. Good luck OP.

I did.
He cheated again.
We've just separated 😞

I did after a long 18 months of separation and he cried and begged to take him back. That was 5 years ago. We went to marriage counselling together he did everything he could. He moved out and never stopped apologising so finally after much soul searching I gave it another go and I genuinely thought things were good.
Four weeks ago I found out he cheated for the second time and so that's it done and the pain is almost worse the second time. Just be careful OP and read the articles on the chump lady website.

@Bigblue1970 sounds just like
My story. My wife had an emotional affair 3 1/2 years ago, and again with the same guy 18 months later.
We’re still together in body but just like you I see my wife but the woman I married died in me 3 1/2 years ago.
Loosing that “special” feeling is aweful and it’s never coming back.

From the outside to others it looks like it’s all in the past and we’ve moved on for the better but for me I still have a broken heart .

In my experience, no. My ex had a 2 year affair with my " best friend". I conceived and had our 2ndchild during that period as well.

That was 17 years ago . I've divorced him, moved on, remarried , very happy now. Bit I only have to think of what he did, and my blood BOILS . Forgiveness just hasn't happened and never will.

My best friend did. He cheated twice with the same woman. She threw him out, made sure he told family friends and colleagues the true story about why she threw him out (of course he originally told people she was fed up with him working such long hours, or something equally daft). She insisted he start therapy to work out why he'd sabotaged what she'd thought was a good marriage.

She took him back after about 3-4 months, once he'd started therapy. That was almost 30yrs ago now. They are in their 80s and seem to be very happy. It did take a few years and she was calling the shots on what was going to happen.

I was about to move out and move on. I had a house lined up. I'm locked down with him. I can't forgive him as much as he wants me too. What made it worse is he used the I've been unhappy for years, we were always arguing script. He was such a shit. I know deep down he will walk all over me as tempting as it is to stay.

I am 5 years down the line from discovering my husband's affair after being put through 8 months of hell before that due to his 'midlife crisis' and very good use of 'the script'.
He has done all he can to put things right and I just think ok we are there, I can relax when I see a glimpse of the person he was at that time and am back on guard waiting for it all to happen again.
I wish I had been stronger and left in the eye of the storm. I do love him but everything is tainted by that time, I am always watching and waiting. I am not the same person I was, the mental and physical impact has been huge. I would love to be able to say by working hard and giving it your all infidelity can be overcome but for me that isn't the case.

I never really got the chance to find out - there was always something else. We had some good times and I would have said that cliche about "coming through it stronger" at some points. But then he'd do a little something to undermine, and the trust would be shaken again. Stuck it out for years, but nothing ever really changed. I promised myself after one more thing at around age 40, that I wouldn't go through it again - and the next time I ended it.

Gosh , I am echoing so much with all that is being said here.
I am a year on from discovery and for various reasons he is still living in the house. And like others said , he could not be doing enough to try and make it up to me and is deeply remorseful and acknowledged how awful he behaved. He desperately wants to continue in the marriage.
But for me , the disappointment is constant. I think about his betrayal every day. I feel his has tarnished my memories, disrupted my present and ruined my future. To me , he has completely destroyed my life.
In therapy , I was told that you can deal with it and move on, in a different relationship.
But I am unable to ever forgive him, so this is not going to ever go away for me.

I think that people learn to live with it. They recognise that they’re probably never going to be in an exclusive relationship (let’s face it, a man or a woman who’s got away with it once will often cheat again) and they make the best of it. I think it’s “acceptance” rather than “forgiveness”. This is arguably a more prudent approach than trying to convince oneself and everyone else that they’re trustworthy now and it won’t ever happen again.

My DH had a very brief purely emotional affair and ended it . He's done everything he could, showed me the texts, gone to therapy, told me everytime she tried to re contact him (she was very keen), put up with my flare ups (as he bloody should). It's been two years. I can see how it happened (family death, huge home life changes, and a car crash in 6 months) I can't forgive it, I can't imagine ever forgiving the fact he didn't stop it as soon as she made it clear she wanted more.
How I've dealt with it is I sorted myself out. Got a job, no longer a SAH parent. I love him, I enjoy spending time with him, he is a good dad BUT if I no longer enjoy my relationship for any reason I am now in a position to walk away cleanly and easily. Its ruined the deep warmth and connection I felt we had, I now no longer trust he has my back so I've made sure that I have my own back. I couldn't make myself vulnerable again so it has affected us and always will despite me actually being very happy with him day to day.

We are 8 months down the line, I absolutely don’t regret my decision to work at it. Tough days at times, counselling was worth it’s weight in gold... I’m focusing on the positives. One thing I’ve made 100% clear, if it happened again there would be no going back.. and no it’s not because I’ve got low self esteem, or I’m a door mat, it’s because I want to be in this marriage because overall we have had a wonderful 17 years. Good luck, feel free to PM me x

Thank you all so much for your replies. I definitely think acceptance is the key as forgiveness seems impossible to me. I do not believe though that I will ever trust him again. Even over time if some trust is built up it will never be that pure trust that I always felt I had, will it? It’s such a shame