I would really appreciate some advice please as to if I'm behaving completely over the top and going crazy, or if I have a genuine reason to be on my guard here, even though I suspect I do.
I left my ex 2 years ago for various reasons, but one of them being that he was a compulsive liar. He would lie for the most ridiculous of things and it left me unable to trust people in general, although this did improve after 12 months of counselling.
So fast forward 2 years, and I have started dating someone who I care about very much. We were friends for over a year before we got together, and there was never any hint of him being manipulative or a liar in any way. He is soft natured, reliable, supportive, everything I could want in a partner and I could see myself falling for him in a big way.
A couple of things have happened recently though where I'm convinced he's lying to me, and after my previous history with my ex, I'm not sure if I'm jumping on stuff that perhaps other people wouldn't pay the slightest bit of attention too, or if I have genuine reason to have red flags jumping out at me.
So a couple of weeks ago, his daughter told a friend of mine about something that had happened which wasn't common knowledge. I was a little irritated that he had told her, but neither had I asked him to keep quiet about it, I just foolishly assumed he would, but when I asked him if he had talked to his daughter about this incident, he looked nervous and told me that he hadn't.
I felt quite sick as I knew he must have done for his daughter to know, but was more concerned that I felt he had openly lied to me. I talked to him about it later on, and he admitted that he had mentioned me, but had not mentioned the incident that I wanted keeping private. I confessed to him that I was concerned he was lying to me and he told me that he felt really hurt that I didn't trust him, and that me not trusting him was really destructive in our relationship. I left it be as I had a lot going on and didn't really think about it again until the last few days.
The second incident that has got me concerned was a few days ago when we were joking on the phone, and the chat turned to a jokey sexual nature. I said something which hit a raw nerve regarding something his ex had made him feel shit about ( I had no idea when I said it that his ex had upset him about it ) and he got quite defensive. I got annoyed about his defensiveness, and he denied it and told me that I took things to serious and that I was imagining it.
I ended the phone call as I felt gas lighted to be honest, and didn't appreciate him trying to make me feel that I was the problem even though I could see he was embarrassed about his reaction. He did apologise the next day and admit he had been defensive, but it still unnerved me. I know that people do this kind of thing if caught on the spot, so really not sure if I am just over reacting.
I'm pretty sure that he has lied to me again today though. Yesterday, something went wrong with his car which is pretty dangerous but when we were chatting about him getting it to a garage today asap, he didn't seem in any rush. I asked him earlier if he had managed to fit it into a garage, and he told me that he had rang a few up but that they were all shut with it being Good Friday, and he would try tomorrow. I took my dog a walk this morning over an industrial estate and passed 4 and they were all open.
Granted, he lives in a different town, but I can't see it being any different over there. I know it's his own business what he does with his car, it's just the fact that I'm convinced he's lied over something so stupid, rather than just say 'no, I didn't ring any up'.
I know I may well sound insane, and maybe I'm just not ready for a relationship, but I would really appreciate a second opinion here as I'm on the verge of ringing him up and breaking things off, but would kick myself if I'm the issue and I'm over reacting as I had no sense of any untruthfulness behaviour when we were friends 