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Original poster

Am I being ghosted?

37 replies

Whaddyathinkofthis · 10/04/2020 17:24

I know it's going to depend on what is 'normal' communication and that's different for everyone but if you were in contact every/nearly every day, after what duration of no contact would you assume that you were being ghosted? Or at least, they were losing interest?

Especially if they were online off and on during the day/evening?

OP posts:
sunnydays78 · 10/04/2020 17:29

yeah I would

Original poster
Whaddyathinkofthis · 10/04/2020 17:31

After how long?

OP posts:
Tryalittletenderness · 10/04/2020 17:35

2 mins 😂

Original poster
Whaddyathinkofthis · 10/04/2020 17:36

🤣 I might give someone a bit longer than that!

OP posts:
sunnydays78 · 10/04/2020 17:36

Depends on what’s normal for you if it’s been a significant time that is different.

DianaT1969 · 10/04/2020 17:43

3 days

DianaT1969 · 10/04/2020 17:44

Although if it's happening now and you are both self-isolating apart, he may not have much to say. I've gone quiet for days during this strange time.

Toilenstripes · 10/04/2020 17:45

12 hours

Mermaidwaves · 10/04/2020 17:46

In my experience once the contact lessons you know they are losing interest, you can just sense it. I've never been wrong yet sadly.

arethereanyleftatall · 10/04/2020 17:46

Depends completely. Are you talking online dating?
Quite often things just naturally fizzle out, so it's not ghosting as such.
If I change the frequency with which I text someone, it's because they're not on my mind any more. (But I'm old enough to not play games)

Original poster
Whaddyathinkofthis · 10/04/2020 17:49

Well like I say, were in contact nearly every day. Sometimes for a brief exchange of "what are you up to?" (I havent forgotten you) messages, sometimes for an hour and a half phone call.

I appreciate we dont have much to talk about at the moment but that keeping in touch was nice and he's keeping in touch with his friends - admittedly, he's known them for a lot longer than he's known me.

Last spoke to him the day before yesterday. Whenever we've not spoken during a day, he's messaged me around lunch time the following day but, today, nothing.

I know theres still time but even so.

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 10/04/2020 17:49

'Nearly every day' could be more like every other day. I would say a week of no contact.

Original poster
Whaddyathinkofthis · 10/04/2020 17:51

No, not online dating. He's a friend of a friend. We've been seeing each other for around 6 months.

If I change the frequency with which I text someone, it's because they're not on my mind any more.

Yeah, same here.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whaddyathinkofthis · 10/04/2020 17:52

Butterymuffin probably every other day before lockdown started. Every day since with the exception of one day last week and yesterday.

It's more that I havent heard anything today rather than yesterday.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whaddyathinkofthis · 10/04/2020 17:54

I wouldn't accept a week of no contact. I was thinking that if I haven't heard from him tomorrow at the latest, then I'll assume it's over and tell him it's over if he gets in touch after that..

OP posts:
SociallyDistant · 10/04/2020 17:58

Do you ever contact him?

Original poster
Whaddyathinkofthis · 10/04/2020 18:21

Yes, of course. It usually works out that we take it in turns to initiate contact.

I messaged him at lunchtime the day before yesterday and we had a chat, then i messaged him in the evening about something and we had a brief exchange then so, without being strict about it, it is 'his turn'.

OP posts:
greenyblueyes · 10/04/2020 19:03

I think you can usually feel when the gears have shifted and someone is less keen to speak to you.

However, I would give him maybe 3-5 days and a phone call before assuming this is happening given you've been seeing each other a decent while now. certainly after 6 months I wouldn't be worrying as much about the significance of turns as if it was a new OLD guy.

I'm finding people are drifting in and out of touch at the moment quite a bit. As PPs say, there's just not much news!!

you don't mention his age or any health issues here but if these apply and he is on his own at home, perhaps you could check in with a call sooner rather than later just in case he has been taken ill?

ActuallyItsEugene · 10/04/2020 19:08

Has he got kids OP? Is he still working? There may be reasons that he's not spoken to you.

I can't stand being constantly contactable. Some days I really cannot be arsed to reply to messages so my phone goes on Do Not Disturb and is put out of site. Especially at the minute when, day to day, nothing really changes - there's nothing interesting to talk about!

My friend has gotten really down during this period of lockdown and doesn't really want to speak to anyone; she finds herself sleeping, reading, watching TV most of the time so that could be a reason also.

Original poster
Whaddyathinkofthis · 10/04/2020 19:28

He's early 50s, o kids, wfh but no change there - he always does. No deadlines as such, he generates his own work. But he is busy working on a couple of things at the moment.

However, he's been on whatsapp a few times today, posted on fb so he's not too busy for that 🤷‍♀️

I agree, there's no need for lengthy conversations but even when we've not chatted for long, we've still said hi and checked each other is ok.

OP posts:
Duckduckgosling · 10/04/2020 19:34

I'd say if nothing within 5 days, that's that.
if you've tried to make conversation a couple of times and he isn't bothering to make any back, I'd just leave him to it.

I was dating a guy for 8 months last year, spoke to him pretty much every day..
Woke up with him one morning after a date the night before, he went home and then never heard from him again!
I didn't do anything wrong as far as I know... I tried initiating contact 3 times & was just ghosted so I don't contact again.
Saw him in the street about a week ago when I was going for my walk (for the first time since) and he just stopped and started a normal conversation like nothing had happened.

You're worth more than being ghosted - his loss 💐

Original poster
Whaddyathinkofthis · 10/04/2020 19:42

Bloody would be his loss too! Grin

Would be a bit tricky - he's a friend of a friend and we bumped into each other socially quite a bit before getting together. We get on well so in
don't think I've done anything wrong so if he's just not feeling it, I'd rather he said so that it any future awkwardness could be avoided.

Not sure what to do though - I ordered him something to be delivered next week. Nothing major just something to cheer him up during the lockdown. I think i should be able to cancel it if I call the company tomorrow.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whaddyathinkofthis · 10/04/2020 19:48

Duckduckgosling what that guy did to you is unfathomable to me!

What is wrong with people?!

Although, I feel I am beginning to see a side to him that others probably don't.

OP posts:
Duckduckgosling · 10/04/2020 20:24

@Whaddyathinkofthis it's the not knowing that's the worst thing isn't it, why people can't be straight I will never know.

Bit awkward when you might see him around, but hopefully he will either let you know if he's not interested / be back to his usual self soon (maybe the lockdown is making him a little miserable?)

Hope things work out the way you want

Original poster
Whaddyathinkofthis · 10/04/2020 20:36

Thanks. So do I.

I was single for ages before meeting him and quite happily so. I don't date as a rule and I quite like him. We shall see.

I'm not overly invested in it so, if it doesn't amount to anything, then fair enough. But I don't want to he messed around!

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