I meant it but I didn't

[BriseisPam]

Last night I told DH I'm only in this marriage for the sake of our kids having a dad. It's something I've been holding back for a long time because I know it will strain us and hurt him but I meant it - we were arguing and I had had enough. But I don't want him to leave me or DC.

DC love him because he plays with them but he doesn't input on their actual needs: feeding, bathing etc. He doesn't help with chores. Also doesn't show appreciation to me for doing it all. He's told me he takes me for granted because 9/10 times I just do it regardless.

I do not want to be a divorcee, single mum to 3 young children. I want all DC to experience their achievements with BOTH parents - there could be something small they do at home where it can't be scheduled that we're both present like a school play or whatever. I want them to have a dad 24/7 not just on weekends or at certain times. And even if it was that they went from house to house Id want to be wherever they were.

I really didn't want to say it but I did and I'm not sure how things will go down from here... we're acting fine because all DC are at home. Am I selfish?

If you think the kids aren't picking up on anything because they are sleeping or not in the room, then you are mistaken.
Kids pick up on tensions. They pick up on how you relate to each other. They pick up on atmosphere. To say you're only with him for the kids sake is not doing the kids any favours if you are unhappy. Kids grow up and witness things. They will witness your communication with each other and learn. And it's very hurtful thing to say.
I can see why you want things to change.
I would suggest marriage counselling to find a way forward.