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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Demanding to see in lockdown

74 replies

Greenbean20 · 08/04/2020 12:36

Just want to rant really (although know I should end things).
Have a boyfriend of less than a year, has been on and off.
We have separate houses with children each.
He had asked to come round to my house Friday as not working over Easter (when the children are in bed, we're both missing sex). I said to wait until after lockdown is reviewed on Monday and then see what the guidelines are (which now looks to not be announced and lockdown to continue further).
Obviously it'd be wrong to see each other currently.
He's said there's no point seeing each other for months then and hinted there's no point continuing.
I'm disappointed he expects me to put him before my childrens health and that nothing I've said makes much difference, he's just said I should trust him.

OP posts:
cloudbusting42 · 08/04/2020 14:21

Tell him and his blue balls to jog on

saraclara · 08/04/2020 14:29

He thinks you should trust him? Trust him to do what exactly?

Original poster
Greenbean20 · 08/04/2020 14:43

It's embarrassing I even discuss it.
I find it difficult as he started off so wonderful then after six months showed his true colours and I keep hoping for the person I thought he was.
The trust thing I believe, is to trust he is right about it all and not myself.

OP posts:
Heismyopendoor · 08/04/2020 14:46

You deserve a lot better.

RomeoLikedCapuletGirls · 08/04/2020 14:46

Tell him to jog on. He will be putting you in danger and he knows it.

Poppi89 · 08/04/2020 14:51

There's no need to be embarrassed he is obviously good at hiding his true self at first. At least you didn't move in together and get married etc like some people do before they find out the truth.

Get rid now so you are calling the shots and not him and then find someone better once we can finally socialise again.

Wanderlust21 · 08/04/2020 14:58

Use this lockdown as the opportunity to get shot of him. Mr wonderful isnt coming back, it was all an act to reel you in.

ChuckleBuckles · 08/04/2020 15:02

Have a boyfriend of less than a year, has been on and off

I am going to guess that the "off" times have been when you disagreed with the way he believes things should be and the "on" times when you just went along with whatever he wanted. Move on from this joker OP, you deserve better than some bloke who only thinks with his penis.

Fuzzybumblebee · 08/04/2020 15:19

I love the trust him comment, he clearly has no regard for his own children's health let alone yourself and your children.

Original poster
Greenbean20 · 08/04/2020 15:21

I should be relieved at finding out before he has, he'll put me, my children and his own at risk.
After 6 months everytime I had an opinion instead of talking rationally, he'd twist everything into a personal attack. If I said no to something, I could see him trying to think of a way to make me but had no hold over me.
Now he is so complacent believing I'm so in love, I'll put up with anything. It's ridiculous I'm even questioning myself over this. He had said it was government advice, not law, yet wanted to come round in the early hours incase reported.

OP posts:
Aussiebean · 08/04/2020 15:23

Take a screen shot of Boris letter where it outlines the reasons why we can go out and point out that getting your end wet is not one of them.

And if was just advice, the police wouldn’t be involved handing out fines.

AgentJohnson · 08/04/2020 15:30

Oh, so he was a twat before lockdown.

Wanderlust21 · 08/04/2020 15:51

I'd block and delete him op, he's an emotional abuser and deserves no further communication from you. Tell him to jog on and never contact you again then block him on everything.

NaughtyLittleElf · 08/04/2020 16:45

It's a good opportunity to cut him loose.

Electrical · 08/04/2020 17:08

He puts his cock before other people’s lives
He’s thick as shite.

There’s no reason for you to continue this farce, discard him like the trash he is.

ChristmasFluff · 08/04/2020 18:10

I am so glad this virus has shown you his true colours.

this is how every major decision in your life will go if you give on on this - or indeed if you don't and stay with him.

It will be 'his way or no way', and resistance will be met by endless beefing and undermining of your confidence and sense of self.

Please, dump him. While you can report him for trying to come to your house.

Wannabangbang · 08/04/2020 18:15

He isn't worth it, if he can't wait he isn't worth your time. He is selfish and is thinking of his penis, nothing more. Yes it's hard but he has kids and you have kids, he wants you to risk all of them and you by meeting. Most people are asymptomatic, but lots of people die of covid19 of all ages. For him to want to put everyone at risk like this and then threaten to not continue with the relationship because you are saying no, makes him a complete aresehole and it's rather controlling. Throwing his dummy out the pram coz he can't get his dick sucked!

Rainbowshine · 08/04/2020 18:25

Sounds like classic love bombing to me. Maybe worth you reading some of the advice on the relationships board about men like this. It’s good that you realise he’s not worth bothering with anymore. Warning: he will make you out to be overreacting and twist things to make it look like your fault. He’ll probably also not just go away and leave you alone. Sorry, I think you need to be prepared to adopt a stuck record/grey rock approach. And block him on everything!!!

WarmFunKindStrong · 08/04/2020 18:55

Warning: he will make you out to be overreacting and twist things to make it look like your fault. He’ll probably also not just go away and leave you alone. Sorry, I think you need to be prepared to adopt a stuck record/grey rock approach. And block him on everything!!!

I suspect that this will be exactly what you will experience...

Usernametaken098 · 08/04/2020 19:20

Oh my ex who has started to see someone new just 2 months after we broke up has broken the lockdown on several occasions, unfortunately I couldn't report them as I don't know her address.
The thing that gets me is that he's got a 13yr old son so hes putting her and sex before his son. Even though the boy isn't son I'm still really disappointed that my ex has came across so selfish and irresponsible 😡
I definitely wouldn't risk it. With him putting pressure on you shows that he isn't understanding of your views and that you're a mum too. He's not worth it.

Oldraver · 09/04/2020 12:11

I'd send him a text

Your cock is not worth more than mine and my children's health

Then block

Epona1 · 09/04/2020 16:10

If you know you need to dump him then why haven’t you?

He’s only after sex. Just get rid.

EKGEMS · 09/04/2020 18:21

"Sex with you definitely isn't good enough to risk mine and my family's health" Later,loser!

Original poster
Greenbean20 · 09/04/2020 18:38

Relieved to say we've finished!
When I said no (something he can't accept) he did the usual trying to twist things around and manipulative stuff. Still no, brought up everything I've ever done wrong and finished it. Since did the whole 'why am I the bad person' so blocked him from everything.
Just because he was nice for the 1st six months, I can't believe I put up with the behaviour since. I've at least learnt a good lesson and won't go anywhere near a controlling type in the future!

OP posts:
HairyButtMonkey · 09/04/2020 18:44

Well done OP - you did the right thing

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