I need to end it don't I?

[caradelvigna]

Been dating someone for a little while (5 months). I asked him the question if he wanted kids last night. He said probably not. I'm gutted. I have one already but would like at least one more. He said he might change his mind but just doesn't know at the moment. I don't know whether to take that gamble. His feelings are entirely valid, but if that turns in to a solid no, we aren't compatible.

Thought I had finally met a good man who I could see myself settling down with. Feel like crying as I'm quite attached to him. I have that horrible shitty feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I need to end it don't I?

Yep. Here come the tears.

Sorry to hear that, OP. That’s very hard. But yes, if having more children is a dealbreaker for you then it makes sense to move on. Good luck!

Don't end it yet. If he said probably it's still an open subject. 5 months is a very short time to be making decisions about kids. Give it time. If you ask in another 5 months time and he says no, then consider a split, but not yet.

Fuck. I like him so much.

@ilovejoebrown I could be totally head over heels with him in another 5 months (I kinda am already). It would be harder then. I'm stumped.

He's been clear/honest.. so you need to be clear/honest too.. good luck

5 months is still pretty early in a relationship. Because he doesn't have any and depending on his age, he may change his mind. Although it sounds like you're pretty settled on the idea of having another, (like myself) I've now found someone who is truly lovely and 'perfect' (him not wanting kids aside)... (he makes me feel safe and happy) it was me that changed my mind and decided against having another one, to stay with him....

If its something you're passionate about then maybe there isn't a future, but for a man to be asked that early in a relationship, he may just not have thought about it properly and didn't want to lead you on....

Sorry I didn't help much!

Don't give in yet. My partner and I both had children when we got together. I was always going to want more, he said for a while he didn't. We have a teenager now. Don't jump the gun.

@chrissy1986 he's 33 if that makes any difference..

How old are you both? You've only been together 5 months, I don't think you need to talk about children yet and you already have one.

@musti me already having one doesn't stop me wanting more though. I am fairly certain I want my child to have a sibling. I'm 32 and he is 33.

I don't think you need to end the relationship right now, you've only been seeing him for five months and you asking him if he wanted kids could have freaked him.

If you're enjoying being with him, carry on enjoying for a bit longer and see how it goes.

However, you do have a child, that child must come first. You don't say whether your new boyfriend has met him yet, so go easy.

@lynda07 no he's not met him yet but I've always been cautious of that as don't want to introduce too early.

Wish I hadn't have asked him now

Planning kids with him within 20 weeks seems a little premature.

@mitzik there's a difference between planning kids with someone and asking whether they want kids or not. I definitely want one more. I don't want to end up with a guy for potentially over a year for him to say no way do I ever want kids. He said probably not which obviously has made me think.

Yikes calm down or you won't have to worry having scared him off! Neither me nor my partner wanted kids when we first got together 3 years ago, now I'm sat here nursing my 3 month old who we both decided.we wanted!

Since you're definite you want more dc, I would cut your losses now. It's silly to waste your time getting more invested in him - women have a limited fertility window, and while you have plenty of time, you don't have enough to fritter on "probably not" guy.

At least he is honest. Better than having kids with someone who doesn't want them but goes along with it and then takes no interest in them when they arrive and doesn't parent at all like half the dates on mumsnet it seems

It's early days. He hasn't said definitely not. He possibly hasn't explored it in his own thoughts on it yet.
Could you continue to enjoy the relationship for a few more months and then come back to it.

I'm with others, give it more time. at age 33M I would have said probably not, 38 now and I have a 21month old, I love her so much and my whole life is around here. I would love a second child one day also.

Give it a bit more time, then talk to him and tell him what your life plans are. See if they fit

This might sound harsh but maybe he isn’t sure he wants kids with you as a person? He barely knows you yet.

5 months

Really early to be asking those kind of questions. I'd have run a mile.

I don't think 5 months is that early to ask if someone wants kids... Not when you're in your 30s?

I'm also guessing that at the moment, none of these discussions are face to face if you not living together. Don't think I'd make any bid decisions yet TBH

We were on the phone and he was talking about my son and saying how rewarding it must be. I just asked if he wanted kids of his own. Wasn't a big drawn out conversation or anything. It came up fairly naturally.