Lockdown move in or stay apart

[Ruralbliss]

I started dating a new guy in February. We really like each other. Spent as much time together pre-lockdown as we could. Speak for an hour at a time most days.

He's currently on a short-medium term placement as a live-in carer until the person he is looking after is well enough to be supported by just her husband.

When this placement finishes he could do as the government suggest and come to stay here with me and my teenage kids (17-12) or take another placement or stay with his elderly parents until the next placement. He sold his own place.

I'm seriously tempted to have him here during these difficult times. He is funny, kind, helpful around the house and garden (both massive and hard to manage on my own). He has a daughter a year older than my eldest but doesn't see her due to lockdown (she was on gap year abroad but got home just in time)

The risk is that it doesn't work out and we have to say adieu to one another or that my kids resent someone they've only met once in the house.

What would you do? If he doesn't come we'll not see each other for as long as the COVID19 crisis plays out. That could be a very long time.

Thanks

If he moves in he cant move out really can he. Not while everyone's on lock down.

Being on top of eachother indefinitely having only let the kids once and knowing that neither of you can escape...

Not sure that's the kind of test to put a knew relationship through..

I can see why you’re tempted but it’s not a wise idea. You don’t really know him yet, and neither do your children. Suppose they rub each other up the wrong way? This could go in for months.

Since February 2020, and your kids have met him once?
For me it wouldn't be something I'd even consider giving the slightest bit of head space to.

I say that as a single parent of 17 & 14yo's, with a bloke I've been seeing for about 20 months who spends a lot of time at my place and has a good relationship with my kids.
I wasn't ready for us all to live together before this, tbh I don't know if I ever will be - I'm certainly not planning it before dc1 goes to uni, and I'm definately not being forced into it.
We aren't seeing each other physically atm, which is hard, but preferable to the thought of being responsible for any additional spread which could be avoided and would have the potential to deprive someone of a loved one.

You've known him less than 2 months pre-lockdown and you want to move him in with your kids?

Seriously OP? You want to move in a new date with your teenagers 24/7?

To clarify he's a key worker as a live-in carer and in my head him coming here between future placements would spare the risk to his folks who are in their late 70s

In normal circs I wouldn't entertain my kids meeting anyone before I had known them for a minimum of 6 months. Preferably a year.

I definitely do not really know him.

My house is giagantic though and has an unused granny flat.

Thanks

That would be absolutely ridiculous to move someone into your house that you have known for a matter of weeks especially with children there. Absolutely completely irresponsible.

You've known him for 2 months, going on 3 and you're seriously contemplating letting him move in? No. You don't know him at all.

I'm not saying he's a homicidal maniac. Or that he's not one. The potential problems could be as simple as him picking his teeth, slurping food or the myriad of 1000 things that set one's teeth on edge in the best of times to as complicate as him turning out to have an uncontrollable temper or being a controlling abuser.

You don't want to put yourself in a position where you can't get free of him.

His housing situation and elderly parents are really, really not your problem.

Has he suggested moving into your place as a potential solution?

My house is gigantic though and has an unused granny flat

Please don't put yourself in the position of him having tenant's rights. You'll never be rid of him.

..would spare the risk to his folks who are in their late 70s

I hate to sound mean, but this is not your problem. Your primary concern must be the welfare of your DC (and yourself). He and his parents will have to work this out themselves. Many people are having to do this. DH and I (I'm classed as vulnerable) have had our DS1 move back. We're lucky that we have a caravan on our property that he's moved into. But if it weren't available, we still would have let him move in.

2 months and you want to move him in with your 2 DC?
Jeez!
Give your head a wobble.

Not a good idea OP. Wouldn’t be in your DCs’ best interests.

Your new boyfriend’s housing and work situation and liking him a lot shouldn’t be key factors.

I definitely do not really know him.

Then how on earth can be even considering this?

It would be a monumentally poor parenting decision to move a stranger into your home.

A really selfish and thoughtless one.

Op I get what you are saying. Surely the very minimum he should do if he is going to move in is to self isolate for 14 days before he came to you. He could pose a serious risk to you and your children...

Good grief. You've known him for two minutes. Enjoy getting to know each other and dating and all the excitement and be in a proper relationship before even starting to think about moving in together.

Thanks all. I really couldn't figure it out especially as had been considering taking on an unknown lodger to make ends meet.

He seems very domesticated as gets stuck in with gardening, decorating, meal making, hoovering etc which to me is bliss.

In my head I wondered whether it would be good for the kids to have another adult to chat with etc but maybe I had rose tinted goggles on.

It would be staying with us rather than moving in - between live in postings and only for the duration of lockdown but yes too weird for my kids I guess.

This is a terrible idea!

February? Your kids have met him once?

I've read it all now.

God no. Terrible idea.

You've known him for 2 months and you're considering moving him in with you and your DC?

I'm in camp 'absolutely fucking not'.

I often think mums net is hysterical and over cautious when it comes to new partners and children but even I am astounded you even considered this! I have eggs in the fridge that predate your relationship.

When this placement finishes he could do as the government suggest and come to stay here with me and my teenage kids (17-12)

I'm sure the government aren't suggesting anyone shacks their kids up with a complete stranger.

What would you say if your 17-year-old has been on a few dates with somebody earlier this year and was proposing they move into your house because they were missing them? You’d tell them not to be so ridiculous, wouldn’t you? You wouldn’t want to share a house with somebody you didn’t know at all and who they barely knew.

Same with your new boyfriend - except even more so because your DC would have no choice in the matter and because you barely know him he poses a risk to them, regardless of how domesticated and kind he seems after meeting him a handful of times.

You want to move in a relative stranger who you've only been dating a couple of months?
With your kids?

He chooses not to have a stable place of his own.....

Rose tinted glasses is an understatement! Delusional!