Too much booze?

[TooManyBottles]

Regular poster, name changed to protect the guilty, blah blah blah.

Dh has always liked a drink, and usually has something like half a bottle of wine three nights a week, plus the odd couple of pints of beer, or a couple of whiskies. I guess his usual consumption would be about 15 - 16 units a week.

Over the past couple of months he has been drinking every night, usually at least half a bottle of wine. So he's drinking more like 20 - 25 units a week. I've suggested (nicely!) that he might consider having a couple of nights off and he agrees, but hasn't actually done so yet.

Apart from his health there's the question of money. We're not broke, but our financial situation changed a few weeks back and we're having to tighten our belts a bit. Nothing too much, nothing to get stressed about, but four bottles of wine a week adds up. I'm having to watch what I spend, and have had to give up my once-a-week latte and muffin, but it seems that the booze doesn't come into that category. He does all the shopping and the wine has almost become a staple.

Putting aside the financial stuff though, would you be worried if your dh was drinking so much? It hasn't affected his behaviour or anything, but it's starting to worry me. How much is too much?

Attila glad I havent upset you, thank you. And good luck WWB I'll be interested to hear how you get on as sounds v similar to my situation.

Hi curiouscat

Not upset in the slightest.

I wish both you and WWB well. Do keep us posted on either this thread or another one.

Muchos good vibes from Meerkat Manor

Attila x

Haven't read the whole thread and I know there are people who would think it is too much (I know Attila's views on the subject from previous threads!) but most people I know drink this much tbh if not more.

I'm not saying it's healthy and as far as I know the recommended safe guidelines are still 14 units for women and 21 for men per week. My DH drinks in excess of this safe limit, and if I'm honest I probably do too at times. But I think other factors come into play too, such as whether you eat healthily, drink lots of water and get plenty of fresh air and excercise. I do all of these. Both DH and I have a BMI within healthy limits and I recently had a liver and kidney function test which came back normal.

Most doctors recommend a couple of drinks a day as having strong health benefits but also recommend a couple of alcohol free days per week. I don't think it has any impact on the kids at all unless you get drunk in front of them and it changes your behaviour or you can't function the next day. This is not the case with me or DH. We both get up early with the children and work full time in fairly demanding jobs.

Btw both me and DH had alcoholic fathers and we may have inherited a pre-disposition to liking alcohol but both have been drinking it for many years without ever becoming anything like our fathers.

I agree, alcohol affects people in many ways. I think if it not changing a person then albeit. I didnt mean you were pestering or nagging i was i suppose just trying to say that i dident think your dh has anything to worry about. However, maybe there is something underlying that he is worrying about if things have changed, maybe he is not even aware that it is worrying him.

Hiya, my DH has just quit drinking after three decades of drinking over a bottle of wine a day - it can be very insidious and you are right to be concerned but he can only make the decision to stop or cut back - you can't force him too.

Have you had a look at the govts down your drink site? Get him too - it can be quite enlightening and if nothing else it helps keep track of exactly how much one is drinking.

People who know about kidney/liver tests - how do you get one? Is it only via BUPA? What does it cost?

Hi Pages,

LOL at knowing my views from previous threads!.

I would agree with you re the health benefits up to a point. Research has shown that, for men over 40 and women after the menopause, having one or two small drinks a day can help prevent coronary heart disease. However, it is estimated that nearly one in three adults in the UK are risking their health by drinking more than the recommended daily amount of alcohol.

There is alcoholism going back through my father's family tree. It never fails to frighten me frankly how many people who go onto drink heavily have seen either alcoholic parents or relatives. I have no doubt at all that there is in some families a genetic predisposition to alcoholism (addictive tendencies/personalities) although this is not the only one.

curiouscat - you can get a liver function test from your GP - it's a simple blood test.

Curiouscat, just went to my GP and asked.

Hi Attila, have a good holiday? Can't argue with anything you've said, would only point out that mine and DH's fathers were fall- over/violent/stupid type alcoholics who made our mothers' lives miseries. DH and I like a drink, a relax and a chat in the evening after the kids have gone to bed, and then we go to bed. It is completely different. One thing doesn't necessarily lead to another. If anything we were both stupid irresponsible drinkers when younger and now it just sends us to sleep (or makes us chat more depending on how tired we are!)

My point about our fathers therefore was exactly the opposite of what you say - that having the genetic factor in place doesn't necessarily lead to alcoholism in the next generation.

Depending on your definition of alcoholism of course!

I think, in general, if a person can maintain their habit without it impinging negatively on the rest of the family or interfering with daily life - ie, if you can hold down a job, afford your preferred substance, relate pleasantly to the people around you and are otherwise reasonably healthy - then your habit is no one's business but your own.

WWB - how was last night? Hope all ok

It was OK - thanks for asking. He didn't bring any wine home with him, and didn't have a drink last night - which must be the first dry night he's had in over two months.

Was quite a relief!

Madamez, the problem with thinking that someone's drinking is no-one else's business but their own is that when, at some point along the line, their habit does start to cause problems within their relationship, it's often too late, and too big a problem to address easily. My sister's drinking was no-one's business but her own, but by the time it started to impinge on her relationships with her family, she was a full-blown alcoholic. Maybe if someone else (her husband, our mother, me?) had expressed their concerns to her when they first noticed the change in her drinking, she might have been able to do something about it. Maybe she wouldn't have spent the last two years in and out of mental hospitals, and maybe her kids wouldn't be as screwed up as they are.

i think it is a little unfair on your dh to project all your unresolved issues re your sister on to him, tbh.

Whomovedmychocolate, just out of interest what prompted your DH to give up drinking? Are you both now teetotal? And Attila do you drink alcohol at all? Just curious!

i apologise, that sounded harsh. i hope you and your dh come to an agreement on the way forward that is healthy for both of you.

It would be unfair if my issues with my sister were my only concerns. It would also be unfair if I had voiced those issues with him - but I have not. I am just thinking aloud here, these are not things I have said to my husband.

Maybe my issues with my sister are part of my reason for being so worried - but they are not the only reason that I have concerns. Like I said, my concerns are because of the change in his drinking patterns - he has always liked a drink, and that is something I have no problem with.

i apologise again for my post. good luck with it.

No apology necessary

WWB

Glad to read that your DH did not bring any wine home yesterday and had an alcohol free evening.

I think if you had expressed concerns to your sister re her drinking in the early stages of her problem she would have ignored you. She would also have likely denied the full extent of her problem.

Hi Pages,

Seeing as you've asked I'll drink a glass of white wine if out with DH's friends but that's about it.

I too am glad that your DP didn't bring wine home. Looks like there will be no need for the situation to escalate, hope all goes well. And I wasn't getting at you or anyone in particular in observing that a person can be a regular drinker without necessarily ending up in difficulties, just commenting in general.