Current bf and I have been dating for just over 1 year now. We met abroad and currently live abroad now. We have recently completed isolation together which was nice to test the waters if anything did become serious and we wanted to move in together. Everything else is good except for the fact that I can’t seem to get over his ex. Before I carry on, I should mention I have quite low self esteem but I am currently seeing a therapist about this. I’m not sure if this is my low self esteem talking or I am right to believe he isn’t quite over his ex. About 6 months after dating he accidentally called me his ex’s name. This absolutely floored me but he said it was a Freudian slip and didn’t mean anything by it. I decided to give things another ago but this started my paranoia about the ex... She’s really beautiful and it hurt me to see pictures of them on social media etc. A few months ago, I was on a business trip and he drunk called me. I thought this was a perfect time to find out more about his ex ( I don’t know why I do this to myself). I’m also ashamed that I thought it was ok to take advantage of the fact he was really drunk. He said that she was perfect and “it” and everyone loved her but also that she was miserable and he dislikes and “hates” her. He also became understandably quite angry and confused as to why I would bring it up. I feel as though he is sad they did break up but won’t admit it. They were together for four years and have been broken up for 2.5 years now. He is nine years older than me and I’m pretty sure she was the love of his life. I will never be able to compete with that. They broke up because they weren’t working anymore but also because he said she wanted to get married and have kids and he just didn’t want that. I’m ok with not getting married. However, I'm only 26 and I feel like I have time to change my mind if I suddenly decide I do want that- with or without him. I just don’t want to be taken for a mug. He did mention that it took him a long time to get over her. We got together a year and a half after their break up. He said he had a one night stand about four months after the break up but wasn’t ready to get with someone so soon. Sometimes I’m with him and I think he must be thinking about her. We rarely speak about our ex’s so I don’t understand why I feel the way I do. It’s not like we will ever bump into her either as she lives in the UK and we’re on the other side of the world! It hurts me that she has met his family and is friends with them all on social media still. This is going to end our relationship if I don’t sort my head out.