Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

She thinks this is a red flag I'm not sure

30 replies

BizarreBizarre · 04/04/2020 20:45

Talking to this guy on a dating website and aiming to meet once this is over. I told my friend about him. He has a 16 month old and split from the childs mum 6 months ago and recently went on this site. My mate thinks this is a red flag? Ie got such a young child and dating

OP posts:
mamato3lads · 04/04/2020 20:47

Ridiculous. You can wipe off half the population of all dating sites if you rule people out for having a young child.

Shit happens OP. Get to know the poor bloke first, you have no idea why he is in this situation so don't judge him. X

Hotwaterbottlelove · 04/04/2020 21:06

I won't want to date someone in that position but I wouldn't consider it to be a red flag necessarily

Musti · 04/04/2020 21:07

I do think that's a bit of a flag, yes.

Original poster
BizarreBizarre · 04/04/2020 21:09

I'm s single parent too. A year on from split. If I met someone 6 months later I think I wouldn't have thought I was doing anything wrong

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 04/04/2020 21:10

How is it a red flag?

Wanderlust21 · 04/04/2020 21:11

I wouldn't consider it a red flag no. Just make sure for definate that he is split with the ex before getting serious/sleeping with him.

Otter71 · 04/04/2020 21:20

Not a red flag for me but does depend how old you are and how old he is. I would be wary of someone with a very young child but more because I feel too old for babies now 🧓

Original poster
BizarreBizarre · 04/04/2020 21:22

Both in our 30s

OP posts:
TheMandalorian · 04/04/2020 21:26

I wouldn't consider dating someone with a very young child, personally.
Or someone who has only just come out of an intense relationship.
I wouldn't consider them 'red' flags. But I would consider him to have baggage. Sorry couldn't think of a nice way to phrase it.
Whether the baggage is worth it or not depends on the man and his circumstances.
I would wonder why his former relationship failed and how he could leave a child. Crucially I would expect him to be very involved with the child and to have little time for me. IYSWIM.

arethereanyleftatall · 04/04/2020 21:33

No, not a red flag on its own. Not until you know him better or the situation better.

yummyyummycoffee · 04/04/2020 21:46

I would ask your self how would you feel if this was your ex?
If you wouldn't mind then cool

But be very prepared that they may go back and forth for a while plus do you know what he's parented during the lockdown?

RincewindsLostShoe · 04/04/2020 22:14

Not a red flag in itself for me, but then I think of how many absent/shit fathers and useless/abusive male partners I know of or have heard about online etc and it would give me a reason to proceed with a little extra caution I think.

I like to hope for the best so I wouldn't discount him immediately, but don't fall for anything that sounds off from him either I would advise.

PumpkinP · 04/04/2020 22:29

I wouldn’t date someone with a child, especially One so young. But it’s not a red flag imo. My ex was on dating sites 2 weeks after we broke up and our son was 2 weeks old Hmm so 6 months doesn’t seem so bad compared!

PippaPegg · 04/04/2020 22:30

Depends if you can be arsed with the baggage.

I wouldn't.

Original poster
BizarreBizarre · 04/04/2020 22:32

I have baggage lol

OP posts:
strawberry2017 · 04/04/2020 22:42

I don't see it as a red flag, it's not like you are planning to meet and introduce the kids! You are planning a date.
For all your mate knows their relationship could have been over long ago, they could have tried to make it work for the sake of the child and just couldn't.
It might have been an accidental pregnancy.
If you are happy with what you know so far then go for it. Just because someone has a young child doesn't mean they don't deserve happiness or another chance at love.

curiouslypacific · 04/04/2020 22:45

Hmm, I'd be suspicious of a bloke that left a relationship not long after having a child. In my experience, the guys that fuck off when there's a very small child involved haven't gone on to be good, involved fathers. There are always exceptions of course and men aren't always the ones to leave a relationship, but most women aren't kicking out a good partner or running off with another man weeks after they've given birth.

Original poster
BizarreBizarre · 04/04/2020 22:55

I left when my child was 1 as I didn't love the dad anymore is that a red flag?

OP posts:
Original poster
BizarreBizarre · 06/04/2020 12:57

Hes disappeared off line that's twice now. No great loss to me I'm thinking

OP posts:
izzywizzygood · 06/04/2020 13:03

I'd be wary: my friends trying online dating always say no to anyone one there with young kids. It would be a huge red flag in my eyes too. There's also the issue of whether one wants to be hindered with someone else's children or not, regardless of the bloke's personality.

Original poster
BizarreBizarre · 06/04/2020 13:31

I'm screwed then I've got a young child Hmm

OP posts:
Candyfloss99 · 06/04/2020 13:54

Hmmm depends why they split really doesn't it.

Bluntness100 · 06/04/2020 13:57

Not sure how it’s a red flag. Is she thinking there should be a time line after splitting before someone dates, or is she thinking if you have a kid together you should stay together, irrelevant of the relationship happiness? What exactly is red flag about it?

TheArchSorcererofContwaraburg · 06/04/2020 13:59

Too much baggage.

Original poster
BizarreBizarre · 06/04/2020 14:00

She thinks it's too quick to be looking for someone else. I've been single a year and only just ready but the quality is shite lol. Anyway hes disappeared so it's a non issue

OP posts: