I find it hard to deal with my sick husband

[BrotherForBear]

Hi there,

This is going to make me sound so heartless because my husband is the best in the whole world, he does 50% of the housework and childcare and is a really thoughtful loving kind person but I find it so hard to deal with him when he has a cold/flu. At the moment he has a sinus infection which has rendered him bed bound for the last 4 days. What I find difficult about it is that he just reverts into himself when he gets sick and doesn't communicate at all. It means i end up going up checking on him and offering loads of different types of foods/ medicine which he then refuses. If I don't check on him for a few hours il get a text asking for whatever he needs and that will be the only communication. Luckily he doesn't get sick very often but whenever he does pick up any kind of minor illness (maybe once or twice a year) he goes to bed for days.
I guess it's just the way his family dealt with illness maybe? My family were far more "suck it up and get on with it" kind of ppl.
Im 8 months pregnant and working from home at the moment and obvs with this virus I don't have any where else to escape to (normally around day 5 I would bow out and visit my family to get a break from him) but I'm really concerned about what will happen when we have kids. Will he really continue to lock himself away and refuse to interact with his family? Is this an issue I can raise with him or am I being unreasonable?

Talk with him. Tell him you aren't able to pick up all the slack from him and that you need him to walk the dogs. Sinus pain is better for fresh air for me, the same might be true for him.

Tell him what you are able to do extra while he's poorly. Ask him to do what you can't.

When he is better, talk to him about the different ways you both handle illness. Tell him your worries about if he takes to his bed while you have birth injuries, a newborn and pets. Tell him it would be helpful for you if he could meet you half way.

Communicate xx

I genuinely don’t know how you will cope with a baby and your pets if you cannot cope now. It is going to get so, so much harder. I’m honestly not saying that to be cruel or mean. I have children and pets and have had one or both whilst pregnant with spd. I think you might need to get a bit of a grip and maybe re-evaluate whether you can care for your pets as if you can’t now...it’s not going to get any easier.

Sparky well aren't you just great that you were able to do all those things alone while pregnant with SPD without ever having a moment where you got upset I suppose there was a global pandemic at the time also wasnt there?

I have said that I struggled emotionally for the last few days only because normally I don't do it alone (me and my husband always split the work.) and I'm doing it during a global pandemic so I cannot ask my usual support network to help. However despite having a few moments where I got upset my dogs have still been walked every single day, my cats are still fed, my assigned work has all got done for my job, my house is clean, there is food in my fridge and my husband is on the mend. I agree it would have been nice if I could do all those things alone without ever getting overwhelmed once or twice but im hormonal and human and nothing you say will make me feel bad about that.

To everyone else thank you , he's actually a lot better this morning. I took your advice just left him to it yesterday and this morning he actually got up and showered, joined me downstairs for breakfast and is full of chat. I guess we all just handle illness differently.

I didn’t say I’m great, I’m really not!

I wouldn't interact with Sparky87 again OP she's clearly just trying to upset you further some narcissists on here like to do that. Just like many narcissists like to say to mums to be "you won't know what hit you when this baby arrives" or "why are you complaining I had to do all that while also blah blah blah" its just the way they are. It's more reflective of how unhappy they are in their own life and nothing to do with you.

There are very very few pregnant women who wouldn't get overwhelmed when their workload increases unexpectedly by 50% so you absolutely should not feel bad for struggling. I'm glad your DH is back in the land of the living this morning. You did great and you will continue to do great when baby arrives. I hope you have a really lovely day together today xxxx