Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

I find it hard to deal with my sick husband

55 replies

BrotherForBear · 04/04/2020 08:41

Hi there,

This is going to make me sound so heartless because my husband is the best in the whole world, he does 50% of the housework and childcare and is a really thoughtful loving kind person but I find it so hard to deal with him when he has a cold/flu. At the moment he has a sinus infection which has rendered him bed bound for the last 4 days. What I find difficult about it is that he just reverts into himself when he gets sick and doesn't communicate at all. It means i end up going up checking on him and offering loads of different types of foods/ medicine which he then refuses. If I don't check on him for a few hours il get a text asking for whatever he needs and that will be the only communication. Luckily he doesn't get sick very often but whenever he does pick up any kind of minor illness (maybe once or twice a year) he goes to bed for days.
I guess it's just the way his family dealt with illness maybe? My family were far more "suck it up and get on with it" kind of ppl.
Im 8 months pregnant and working from home at the moment and obvs with this virus I don't have any where else to escape to (normally around day 5 I would bow out and visit my family to get a break from him) but I'm really concerned about what will happen when we have kids. Will he really continue to lock himself away and refuse to interact with his family? Is this an issue I can raise with him or am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Isadora2007 · 04/04/2020 14:15

YABU. Sorry as it’s a tough time being pregnant etc but you’re being very dramatic about it all and it’s been 4 days. Childcare for furbabies? I am actually lost for words. You’ve got a large shock coming your way when you have an actual child, so sit down and put your feet up and enjoy the peace for now.

Original poster

BrotherForBear · 04/04/2020 14:26

The "childcare" was a typo which is why I clarified straight away so no need to lose your words. I just meant we both work and he normally does 50% of all the housework and looking after all the animals so obviously now that I am heavily pregnant I am struggling more to do everything myself whereas before I was easily able to take the hit for those few days.
Of course we have a shock coming our way when we have a baby coming our way.... doesn't every new parent.

OP posts:

Branleuse · 04/04/2020 14:27

is having pets childrearing now?

It doesnt sound like he gives you any grief. Just wants to sleep it off, and you dont have kids yet so I dont see the big deal right now, but I would probably say that you dont expect him to take to bed for days when the baby is here

mummmy2017 · 04/04/2020 14:30

If this is the headache bug, stay away.
My daughter ended up in hospital with it, raised heartbeat and temp.
The headache is do bad even talking hurts.

Original poster

BrotherForBear · 04/04/2020 14:39

No it's not a headache he is all stuffed up/ runny nose and has post nasal drip at the back of his throat which is not nice at all. His temperature is fine. I've been checking every morning just to make sure it wasn't covid19.

OP posts:

Isadora2007 · 04/04/2020 14:40

@mummmy2017 what’s this headache bug? And was your daughter tested for covid?

mummmy2017 · 04/04/2020 14:44

It was before Xmas.
I had it first, head hurt so much.
Temp 2 days for me in bed.
Then DD got it, her sinuses felt like crap.
She was tested in hospital, IV antibiotics the lot. They said flu, but every symptom was from this virus.
Never had anything like it before . Ever.

Isadora2007 · 04/04/2020 14:51

Sounds bad @mummy2017... I was asking as I’ve had an awful headache for weeks now and weird symptoms that don’t line up with covid but have some of the symptoms others have described- back and neck pain and tickly cough and weird tight feeling round rib cage. But the headache is awful and unrelenting. 😔

mummmy2017 · 04/04/2020 15:06

The headache hurt so much.
But I was told by doctor drink twice as much as you think you need, he said that caused so many headaches in people, which is why they get a IV feed.

soannya · 04/04/2020 15:10

4 days for sinus problems? I didn’t even spend 4 days in bed when I had norovirus! Nobody has the luxury of spending that long in bed when they have a family. You need to lay it on the line now OP. He bucks up or ships out. You need a partner not a child. So he’s not doing housework or even sitting watching TV with you because he’s got a sinus infection? It’s absolutely selfish and ridiculous. Knock that shit on the head right now OP

soannya · 04/04/2020 15:11

Why can’t he sit next to you on the sofa with a runny nose?

browzingss · 04/04/2020 15:20

Just leave him to it and if he needs anything he’ll text. It seems to be his preference anyway. Less work for you too? Won’t have to waste your time cooking or popping upstairs unnecessarily. He clearly doesn’t like the “popping in loads” approach

TheFutureMrsHardy · 04/04/2020 15:26

Take it as a positive that he's not slepping around in a dressing gown of doom!

You have my utmost sympathy OP, DH makes me want to murder him when he's ill.

Elieza · 04/04/2020 15:45

I’d ignore him and say

‘I won’t disturb you any more while your resting, just text me when you want anything and I’ll bring it to you’.

Job done. He seems to like texting. You dont need to look at him. Sorted

Sparky87 · 04/04/2020 17:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

BrotherForBear · 04/04/2020 19:29

I am struggling because i am 8 months pregnant with SPD which means I have very limited movement this makes activities which are normally easy like walking the dogs, picking up poop and cleaning cat litter extremely difficult, doing laundry and cleaning the house is also a lot more challenging. I'm also working full time which means my time is limited to complete the above things every day. I'm also struggling because I'm absolutely terrified about the fact that I have to give birth to our precious baby in the grip of a global pandemic and mostly i am struggling with not having any human interaction to relay the above fears.

Just because they might not seem like "struggles" to you doesn't mean they aren't hard for someone else.

OP posts:

Mumofboysngrls · 04/04/2020 19:43

Wow Sparky87 why not just be kind? We all have different struggles in life and what might seem like nothing to one person can be overwhelming to the next. Being heavily pregnant in the midst of a lockdown with a sick husband would be stressful for the majority so a little bit of empathy would go a long way.
I really don't understand the negativity towards you OP and while I agree that days on the bed for minor illness is excessive I think it's probably just aggrevated you more because of the current circumstances so like others have said just wait until he's better and make it clear that it won't be acceptable once a baby is on the scene.
Good luck with everything.
This too shall pass xxx

BackseatCookers · 04/04/2020 20:41

I totally see why you're struggling but you've said your partner has "no idea" you're struggling so much. Why?!

Tell him! Talk to him! You say he's a wonderful man and lovely in general so please just talk to him and tell him you're struggling.

You two are a team and about to go through the most life changing thing you possibly could - bringing a little life into the world.

Please talk to him and tell him you're struggling and feel panicky about everything going on.

It makes perfect sense you feel that way and he should be understanding if he's lovely like you say he is

Original poster

BrotherForBear · 04/04/2020 21:18

Thank you for your kind reply. I always can talk to him about everything usually and he is very understanding. Its just the last few days without him that I've struggled and I suppose when he's sick and obviously not wanting to communicate I didn't really want to barge into the room and unload all my crap on to him and make him feel worse. Plus I didn't know if I was being unreasonable thinking this way that's why I wanted to ask here for advice first.

OP posts:

BlingLoving · 04/04/2020 21:36

Personally, I am sympathetic to you for your irritation. You say you ask him if he wants medicine, food etc and it's the medicine one that really jumps out at me. Is he lying there feeling sorry for himself but refusing to take anything to alleviate his symptoms? I mean, sinusitis can be helped a lot by taking decongestants and paracetamol.

And frankly, if you're heavily pregnant and struggling, it's hard to understand why he's completely okay with just checking out completely for 4 days. I mean, one or two days while you're feeling shit, fair enough, but surely no normal person wants to simply lie in bed feeling like shit without doing anything about it for four days?

You can tell him you are worried about when the baby comes but honestly, I don't think that he will get it. More likely you're going to need to see what happens when baby arrives and be prepared to tell him firmly if he's being pathetic every time he's sick.

justasking111 · 04/04/2020 21:39

Mine had a sinus infection for six weeks, he still got up walked the dogs, mowed the grass, he used beconase, took painkillers and got on with it. Your OH can too.

Original poster

BrotherForBear · 04/04/2020 22:11

Thanks guys. Good to know im not crazy in thinking this way.
I know he could definitely do it too justasking111 and that's what makes it frustrating I think he would feel a lot better if he just took some medicine and got up and showered (even if he just sat on the couch instead of in bed). But taking to bed is just his way of dealing with illness and he's dealt with it that way for all his life, his whole family are the same way. So I suppose I was just unsure if it's unreasonable for me to expect him to change his way of dealing with it just because it's not the way I deal with it?
For 90% of the year he is the most selfless wonderful husband so maybe he is entitled to be a little selfish for the few times he's sick?

I dunno.... i feel better even just venting to you guys about it

OP posts:

mcmooberry · 04/04/2020 22:21

God poor you I'd find that very annoying indeed and intolerably annoying with a baby in the mix! I presume he has to take time off work too for any minor illness, not very attractive!

justasking111 · 04/04/2020 22:23

OH said he felt better out in the fresh air walking the dogs, when he came back into the house, it got worse again. Maybe it was because he was moving his body or perhaps because he was upright.

TakeMeOn · 04/04/2020 22:25

Is he in bed with every illness no matter how minor? Does it happen often? Sinusitis can actually be really bad. My partner, for all his faults, really does just get on with it when he's sick, but he got floored by a bad case of sinusitis.

Flip

1 2 3