My Husband seeing his girlfriend during Covid19

[BrighterShades]

Not looking for sympathy*, just opinions.

My husband (partner of 19 years & 2 kids) left me last year. Within 5 days of moving out he had a girl sleeping over at his new flat. But not an affair.....

Anyway, they are now 'officially' boyfriend and girlfriend, and she has not met our children. And yes, she's a fair bit younger.

They are both NHS key workers. He lives in a flat and still sees the children (this is good). What I'm trying to find out or gauge opinion on is this:

As my husband doesn't live with his girlfriend is it appropriate for them to still be flaunting the rules and staying in each others flats? I was of the understanding that people who were not family and didn't live together cannot stay in each others flats.

Yes, bloody hell I'm annoyed and yes I don't wan't my husband to be with her - and I understand that I'm feeling that. But based on how the world is right now- shouldn't they be being more socially responsible?

Completely understand there may be a backlash. I wanted to phone NHS HR to ask if this is appropriate behaviour, but reckon they're pretty busy at the moment.

• of course I am!

@Distressingtimes I thought that too! Loads of people on that thread saying (quite rightly) that OP shouldn’t be seeing her bf. Yet here people seem to think it’s okay for OP’s ex and his gf to see each other as they’re key workers anyway.... Unless they are seeing EXACTLY the same people at their workplaces they are increasing risk by visiting each other - it doesn’t matter that they’re both key workers. It’s breaking the rules, pure and simple, and they shouldn’t be doing it because they are increasing the risks for everyone they come into contact with. As such I don’t think the OP is overreacting.

Am also confused by the responses. Several threads on here have been VERY SHOUTY AND DEFINITE that non cohabiting partners shouldn't see each other.. Quite a lot of fairly insulting trivialising of serious and committed relationships 'you're killing people to see your boyfriend / for a shag' etc. The ex seeing his kids is one issue.. Contact can continue but people are making different decisions based on the individual risk factors. If the ex is front line NHS, I'd say possibly they shouldn't be going for the time being, but that is arguable and an entirely separate issue to the girlfriend coming over. As pp said, as 2 front line workers, they are exponentially increasing their risk factor by seeing each other, but in the heady early days of an affair, with his own little bachelor pad after 19 years of married life, it all must seem irresistible. Unfortunately OP, any action you take now to reduce contact on the grounds of cv concerns will be dismissed as 'bitterness' and 'u' (shudder) not getting over 'ur' marriage quickly enough. You may have to ride that out if ultimately your ex won't make the responsible choice here.

Do the ex and his girlfriend work together or just both within the NHS!?. Obviously I'd they are seeing each other most days regardless at work it may make less difference if they also see each other at home.
Most NHS staff I work with realistically feel that it's not a question of if we get covid just when and how badly. Whether he sees the kids who are not otherwise exposed is therefore the bigger issue. Do either of them have health issues?
A lot of keyworkers are isolating from family too to reduce those risks ...
Do either of the kids

@Nicolastuffedone

A decision made by an individual worker is very different from telling NHS workers that that is an action they are obliged to take.

If we wanted to base a decision to recommend it on what NHS workers think we'd have to ask all the NHS workers with kids, not just the ones who have already decided it's what they want to do.
.

I’ve noticed frontline staff are not really isolating as much because they are together all the time at work. So it doesn’t seem to make sense to suddenly impose isolation rules when they clock off...