Do I keep shut

[stoptherideiwanttogetoff]

Living in a not so great marriage, to be fair if I could leave right now with these kids I'd be gone. Not my fault. I'm holding shit together hoping the storm will pass.. and it will. So SIL (very well off) has been in touch via email and decided now is the time to send me and the boys some financial support. She's in another country. Insisted on it .. repeatedly. I've agreed and today she's transferred a sizeable sum into a savings account. I don't immediately need this money but it's bloody helpful if the current situation continues. Thing is this has all been done without my husbands knowledge and I feel awful. She's made it clear it's for me to support me and the kids.

He's not been a nice man, or father for that matter. 2 years ago I discovered he was living a a double life, whilst working away. It broke me! I tried hard to forgive and forget for the sake of my children.. it hasn't worked and if I'm honest he makes my skin crawl. Would you tell the truth and let him know? He's has zero contact with her.. I email once a month or so to keep in contact. Thing is do I even care if he knows (this has crossed my mind) no, I don't! He spent an absolute fortune on his fancy piece back then.. lots of holidays away while I looked after our little ones alone on my own salary.. I know the marriage is dead (that's a given) funny how life can put things into perspective eh. I have no control of finances in this house, we had a discussion the other day about 'what if' one of use got sick .. I know nothing about his business, the finances or potential debts he or the business has. I gave him the opportunity to share this information with me - as I have done in the past, nothing! Wwyd

Your SIL is fab.

Your DH will ruin you if you don't get away ASAP. If he is disqualified and you are allowing him to run a business in your name that could cause all kinds of problems for you. There appears to be an offence of aiding and abetting a disqualified director: www.howatavraamsolicitors.co.uk/director-banned-for-allowing-a-disqualified-director-to-run-company/ That was a situation where a business owner allowed a disqualified director (her son) to run a company and ended up disqualified herself. You've also applied for a government grant for him to use - again, it's very questionable for you to be applying for government funding if it is for him to use, perhaps even fraud. You could end up disqualified yourself (if you are a director) and possible also facing criminal proceedings.

It is a mitigating factor that he has pressured you into this situation and you have agreed to it as a consequence of his abuse of you - what you're describing is domestic abuse (emotional and financial abuse) - but now that it has been pointed out to you, it's really up to you to correct the situation ASAP.

You've been handed a lifeline by your fabulous SIL. Keep it to yourself, move out and get legal advice ASAP. You owe it not just to yourself but also to your DC. And of course your SIL.

Why on earth are you applying for a government grant for the business your husband started fraudulently in your name?

Have you not consulted with a solicitor yet? If not, why not? This is fucking serious!!

Why are you sleepwalking through your life and into disaster?

@FlowerArranger I absolutely know I'm being pushed into doing something I know I should not be doing! If only I could pack a bag for me and the boys and walk out tonight god dam I would!

Is there nowhere you and the DC can go to?

I would take them out for a walk but get in the car and go if it meant getting away.

@stoptherideiwanttogetoff... Tomorrow, first thing, ring a solicitor. Just do it. Hand wringing won't make this problem go away.

Ask about an occupation order as well, so you can get him out of the house.

Then start gathering and copying all financial documentation that you can find: business accounts, bank and investment statements, tax returns, pensions, mortgage etc. You'll need those for the divorce.

NB: Wikivorce is a forum for people contemplating/going through a divorce. There's a divorce forum here at MN as well.

You're allowed to leave an abuser during lockdown op. Now not only has he got a business in your name but you've applied for a grant?! Leave for gods sake.