So I joined Tinder.. is this normal?

[cocacolaforlola]

Finally took the plunge on Tuesday.
Matched with five men straight way and got chatting to one man in particular.. seemed very easygoing and relaxed for about an hour, until he suddenly got into sexual talk out with f the blue.
I've no problem with others doing that and I am no prude but it's not for me so I shut it down and left conversation.
Is this the norm ?
I had been married for twenty years and am single a year so I'm out of the loop completely ! Thanks for reading.

I have been on tinder a fair while and never had any sex talk, I think some of you have just been unlucky, everyone I have chatted to has been respectful and everyone I have met has been too. Just unmatch is the answer, I did have one guy sent me a excerpt of erotic fiction, was more funny than erotic, I just unmatched!

I registered on Match 3 weeks ago and it’s not been bad actually apart from some men 60+ yo starting a conversation with
“Can I give you a foot rub?” I’m early 30s btw... I also block ppl who become even remotely sexual in the conversation. I’ve been chatting with one guy but he is late 40s, he seems really nice though. I’m meeting up with another tomorrow (outdoors) I must admit I go daaaays without opening it and then when I do there are loads of messages but I can’t respond to all of them.

Tinder is a hookup app, not a dating app. Try something else.

No not normal of a decent bloke. Just unmatch. Tinder is not (just) a hook up app. You can find all sorts on there. I met my bf of 9 months on there and we are v serious about each other.

My tips are to be ruthless with swiping. Unmatch if they do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. Good luck.

I agree with @Notcoolmum OP. It's normal that some men do this. Across all the dating sites. Tinder is no better or worse for this in my experience, they do it on Guardian Soulmates too.

Just block and move on. And I also recommend the dating thread here.

@IAmLegendaryExtra why are you meeting up with him? Assuming you are in the UK we are in lockdown. It makes f all difference if it is outdoors or not. Going for a date with a random from Tinder is not key work, daily exercise or shopping for essentials. It is at best ignorant and at worst dangerously selfish (not to mention illegal).

Tinder is primarily designed as a hookup app isn't it? I'd try an online dating website if that's not your thing...

Tinder is a hookup app, not a dating app. Try something else

Lol. Maybe 10 years ago when it was developed but it's just a dating app like all the others. Most people are on 2-3 apps minimum these days and men don't behave differently depending on which app they match you on!

Online dating as a culture is fairly new and a minefield if you are also new to it. It has pitfalls that you will encounter but it can also be brilliant.

Ifihnd the ones who were actually loI found that the ones who were actually looking to date would hold back on the sex talk, if I thought they might be a fade to face date prospect I made it clear , no sex talk until after the first date, that got rid of a few wasters but not all. I didn't mind sex talk if I thought they were cute but not a dating prospect.

Normal. When I used tinder and match, they got one message per day up to 4 to ask for my number or a date. Otherwise it was a massive time wasting exercise. If you're half way attractive you'll get thousands of matches. I treated it military style. Only went on once a day, replied to the ones that had messaged something decent and looked ok. Prioritised men that wrote about something from my profile or were requesting nicely to meet. Went on about two first dates a week. Met my husband after about 6 months. In the current climate you're going to get lots of time wasters and bored men so I wouldn't even bother until people can go out to bars and restaurants again.

Don't even entertain bumble. Lazy men who want desperate women in the short term. Nope. Stick with the sites we're men can message first and choose from those

Apologies for the typos, my app is playing up and not letting me see what I'm typing.

You'll get the hang of it, my cardinal rules were (1) no talking for more than two weeks without a date (so many men want a virtual girlfriend) (2) no sex talk before at least speaking on the phone/FaceTime (unless definitely not a date prospect and I fancied it) and (3) don't tell people that you're talking to someone, long term married folk often don't understand the modern dating scene and will start asking you when they're going to meet him etc. and when inevitably it doesn't work out it's unnecessarily awkward.

@MrsLindor you gave them 2 weeks??!! Truly interested men with any sort of get up and go do not need that much time to work out if they want a date.

I’ve met some lovely men on Bumble. It’s my favourite. Hinge is good too.

triedandtestedteacher That was the maximum, sometimes with children, work patterns etc. it's not easy to arrange a first date very quickly.

Some got binned much sooner and at the two week point they all got binned. This was after I let a bloke string me along for a month with endless excuses, you soon learn.

@MrsLindor Oli thought you meant two weeks to even suggest a date!

triedandtestedteacher I'm much harsher than that 😁

asking me what height heels I wear on a night out

That's pretty tame, unless the entire context was overtly sexual. Or were you simply talking about what each of you like to do on a Saturday night? Maybe he was just trying to ascertain whether you're a jeans and sneakers kind of girl when perhaps he prefers a more dressed-up look. Which would be a perfectly legitimate preference.

I always thought tinder was like a just eat but with sleazy cheap sex instead of food.

You thought wrong then

@Ipigglemustdie are you single? Are you dating?

Wow. I think it is odd that everyone else seems to think it is ok to date someone you have never met during lockdown. This isn’t the time to date. Say at home.

Liveforever now is a fine time. You dint have to physically neet in person. Face time and phone calls can add to the fun of getting to know someone. Ya know like in ye olden war timey days when people would fall in love via postal letters.

I much preferred bumble. I became fed up of lazy women on tinder or any other dating site expecting men to always chase and message 1st - only to then not to reply

Sorry to say OP old is largely shite who ever you are - men and women just experience it differently. Though fair to say i never got any fanny pics and didnt have the same concerns for my safety.

@otterhound prime example of why I avoided bumble. There's nothing wrong with women not wanting to make the first move if they're looking for a confident guy. There's also nothing wrong with not replying to unsuitable men. Is a woman expected to chat to every man that approaches her in a bar? What would be the point in opening up a conversation with someone you don't find attractive? When I was dating I did not want men who were insecure or expected me to be the pursuer. Hence why I wouldn't go near bumble or browse websites messaging first. It's personal preference what kind of connection you want to make.

I found bumble worked exactly the same as tinder in the end anyway. I would send a quick hi to everyone I matched and then wait to see if they replied. I would get a handful of messages back and most would expire - just exactly like tinder but without the expiration. It was still me waiting for men to message first.