DP and I have been together a year after meeting through OLD. He told me right from the get go that he lived with a female friend and her daughter, but there was nothing in it. After meeting her and her partner I was happy that their living arrangements were purely for financial reasons and no secret agenda.
DP became a fixture at my house with my teen DD over the weekends and one weeknight and all was happy, that was until his friend started having relationship problems. He had always looked after her daughter during school holidays for the time I'd known him as he is self employed so easy to have her tag along. Following the break up of his friend's relationship though our weeknight visits ended as he had to be at the house to look after the daughter as her mum left for work early in the morning. He has also always taken her to school.
I have always thought that she relied on him too much, I.e he takes her daughter to school, looks after her during school holidays and babysits of an evening if mother wants to do something - to clarify the daughter is definitely not his.
We've had a few minor disagreements about how his looking after her child has interfered in our relationship as well as just her neediness in general which has just had a plaster put over it and we've carried on. What angers me is she has left the daughter alone to go and see her boyfriend, but expects DP to be with the daughter every moment of the day if looking after her.
Things came to a head this weekend though. He was musing coming to stay at mine during the lockdown but can't due to looking after daughter (mother is a key worker, DP is not currently working due to lockdown). I had some important exam results due on Friday and have since been ill and I'll admit I became a bit needy and pathetic, telling him that I was angry how, if it weren't for looking after her daughter he'd be here with me now, and who knows how long the lockdown would last.
I explained how it would be different if the daughter was his as she'd be welcome to join us in the home and be part of us as a whole, but instead when he looks after her it's at his home and she's not his to try and incorporate into another life.
I said maybe we should just cool off during the lockdown as otherwise I'd drive myself crazy with the thought that he'd be here if it weren't for the housemate and her daughter (in case it doesn't come across, I really do not like the woman for various reasons but mostly I view her as using, manipulative and self-centred). Picking our relationship up once normality ensues.
Cue a text from him saying that he's told housemate that her daughter can look after herself during the day and he'll be staying at mine until the lockdown is over. This caused a big row between them, and now i feel like the total villain. Yes I'm happy that finally he's stopped being a doormat for her, but they have to live together ultimately (long backstory but they currently own a house together).
I just feel like the bad guy now and don't know what to say to him.
Btw, the daughter will be 14 this year.