Anyone else’s DHs using lockdown as an excuse to play PlayStation constantly!?

[ThisIsABitTricky]

Dh seems to be viewing this ‘time off’ as a chance to learn to play guitar, or game constantly. Last week, he turned the PlayStation on around 10/11am each morning and it wasn’t switched off until around 3/4pm, only for it go back on again after our DC’s had gone to bed.

He’s gaming in our lounge, so neither myself nor our DC’s have anything to watch other than some shitty game. His argument last week for having it on so much, was that he ‘isn’t actually getting to play it because he keeps having to stop to sort the kids out’ - for starters, if you keep having to stop, just turn the fucking thing off so that we’re all not just staring mindlessly at a pause screen, secondly, I’m a stay at home and have been since our first dc was born three years ago. I never, never get the time to game all day/evening or hole myself up in the bedroom and attempt to learn a new hobby.

I said this to DH after I’d reached my limit on watching him play his game and our DC’s growing increasingly more bored. I said that I don’t mind if he tinkers about on his guitar from time to time, I don’t care if he pops his game on for an hour or so, but to remember and be mindful of the fact that what he’s currently going through/experiencing at home, has been my life for the last three years, ie; you don’t get to do shit purely for yourself when you’re at home with kids.

This message seemed to resonate as we had two PlayStation free days, I know, wow. This evening however, I came back to the front room after settling our youngest dc to see the PlayStation on. No worries, I thought, he’ll only play it for a little while then we’ll continue watching the second half of the show we started last night. Yeah, nope. Almost 3 hours later, the game is still on, so I’m giving up and going to bed after asking him if we're going to watch something together and he responds 'no I'm quite tired, will probably head to bed soon'.

Please tell me I’m not the only one living with a DH who seems to have reverted back to a 14 year old!?

I wouldn't tolerate DH behaving like that.

Why did you wait for 3 hours? Why didn't you just tell him to put the film on?

Pour a large jug of water over it.

Problem solved.

Would you really feel better if other people were having as miserable a time? He sounds useless and selfish. Did you want to be a stay at home mum?

No because I would leave him. I used to live with someone who played on an Xbox every waking second. Didn't even have a job, and even while I was out at work and he was looking after our son, he'd spend all day on it, then deny it, despite the console logging and clearly showing what he had played on and for how long.
I would be telling him where he can take his PlayStation, and it would be the garden.

Living and having kids with a selfish gamer is the pits. Be warned. Don’t be me. Get out before your kids get addicted too because then you’re outnumbered and it will be your life constantly. So so boring.

No, DH is averaging five or six hours of crisis conference calls a day, and is sharing DS’s temporary homeschooling with me, playing football in the garden with him, doing grocery drops for our parents and cooking.

Go back to work as soon as you’re able. Yours sounds incredibly dull, selfish and a poor father.

what Game is he playing?

I don't know if it'd make me feel better to know others are going through this too, but at least we could moan about it together in unison.

The thing that's bothering me the most is the fact he's pushing it so far. I've always been clear - even long before this lockdown situation - that I have no qualms with him gaming. I like playing the PlayStation too, but never do I get to sit playing it for hours during the day, and I don't have it on all evening either. If he was to play for say, an hour at lunch time, then an hour after the kids have gone to bed, that's absolutely fine, but the length it's on for is just ridiculous.

He doesn't seem to be grasping that just because he's off work, that doesn't mean he can treat this time as a holiday.

He even said to me last week 'so I can't play guitar, I can't game, what am I supposed to do?!'. Gee, I dunno, look after our kids and do the housework like I do every single day, perhaps

Do you have another room he could play in? Get another tv and bung him in there? Not the right answer of course - he shouldn’t be behaving like this- but I’d rather he fucked off to another room so at least the kids and I could do what we want.

My dh plays PS4 for an hour a day in the evening, sometimes with ds aged 8. He wouldn’t dare sit on it all day long!

Another room to play the game surely? My partner likes to play on the PlayStation too but he goes to the bedroom. No way would I allow him to take up the family living room.

He could set the PlayStation up in our bedroom, but I put our youngest dc down for naps in our bedroom.
Plus, that wouldn't be much of a solution anyway, as that would just allow him the opportunity to spend all bloody day in there away from us all.

Either start using the bloody thing before he starts and tell him you're role swapping today so you'll game and he can sort housework, kids and food OR (and this is what I'd probably do), absolutely lose your shit and let let him see that he has bigger responsibilities than playing a game. There is housework to be done, dc to look after and feed and a marriage to maintain. Explain very clearly that him doing nothing and you doing everything isn't going to work and you won't accept it anymore - if he chooses to spend so much time ignoring his family he is blatantly telling you the way his priorities are (and you and your dc are too far down the list).
Don't accept promises to be better, watch to see if it happens...

My DP plays PlayStation after DC are in bed. I don't care, I have books, apps to watch TV on on tablet or phone, a laptop, uni work to do. I'm not bothered about "watching things together".

It's pretty tragic.

This is a great opportunity to fix up house, clear up boring admin ect basically get things in order if that's needed.

First and foremost though should surely see it as an opportunity to spend time with the kids not playing a shitty computer game.

Let him go in the bedroom.

Since he is behaving like a irresponsible kid...

Write up a schedule for everybody's game time.
Insist you get the same free time that he takes.
While he is not in work, he can cook 3 nights a week.
Draw up a chore list and tell everyone to pick from it.

In an ideal world he would be stepping up as a dad and dh but he is not.
Tell them all, this isn't a long weekend or a holiday. This is the new normal and changes must happen.
Good luck x

In our house, DH is up and out for his walk at 6.30, organises family breakfast, and is in the study for 8.30 to start his workday on the phone until after 5 (if he's really lucky, he gets a 20 minute break for lunch!). After dinner, he goes back up for another hour tto try and do the work he can't do in the daytime because of all the calls. He might get an hour to watch tv - so I have mostly ignored the fact that I have seen more car reviews than I ever need to in the past 3 weeks.

I am working also until 5ish, and DD is doing schoolwork until about 4 and then does fitness for herself. While we have an xbox, I genuinely don't think it has been turned on yet since this all started.

He sounds like a selfish child.

Why grown men play video games is beyond me at the best of times. But when he is missing out on an opportunity for quality time with his kids? That is unbelievable.

So he doesn't help with anything during the day? He just sits there tuned it to his PS?

Tell him straight. Don't be scared, it seems as though you need to be the adult in your marriage.

He's being really selfish by monopolising the tv like that

Think about whether this is what you want in a man

My dh is a gamer on and off. I hate it. When he got addicted to PlayStation I lost my rag eventually, went into the lounge and smashed the stupid thing. So there's always that option.

Have you told him exactly how you feel about his behaviour? If not, do it now and don't pull your punches.

The problem isn't the PlayStation, it's the fact that you are not sharing the domestic load equally. If he plays Fifa for 3 hours that is fine, but you then get 3 hours for your hobby. Maybe if you put it like that and appeal to fairness you will have more luck getting your point across.

When he got addicted to PlayStation I lost my rag eventually, went into the lounge and smashed the stupid thing. So there's always that option.

That's actually domestic abuse and he could have reported you to the police for that. It's destruction of property.