Anyone else’s DHs using lockdown as an excuse to play PlayStation constantly!?

[ThisIsABitTricky]

Dh seems to be viewing this ‘time off’ as a chance to learn to play guitar, or game constantly. Last week, he turned the PlayStation on around 10/11am each morning and it wasn’t switched off until around 3/4pm, only for it go back on again after our DC’s had gone to bed.

He’s gaming in our lounge, so neither myself nor our DC’s have anything to watch other than some shitty game. His argument last week for having it on so much, was that he ‘isn’t actually getting to play it because he keeps having to stop to sort the kids out’ - for starters, if you keep having to stop, just turn the fucking thing off so that we’re all not just staring mindlessly at a pause screen, secondly, I’m a stay at home and have been since our first dc was born three years ago. I never, never get the time to game all day/evening or hole myself up in the bedroom and attempt to learn a new hobby.

I said this to DH after I’d reached my limit on watching him play his game and our DC’s growing increasingly more bored. I said that I don’t mind if he tinkers about on his guitar from time to time, I don’t care if he pops his game on for an hour or so, but to remember and be mindful of the fact that what he’s currently going through/experiencing at home, has been my life for the last three years, ie; you don’t get to do shit purely for yourself when you’re at home with kids.

This message seemed to resonate as we had two PlayStation free days, I know, wow. This evening however, I came back to the front room after settling our youngest dc to see the PlayStation on. No worries, I thought, he’ll only play it for a little while then we’ll continue watching the second half of the show we started last night. Yeah, nope. Almost 3 hours later, the game is still on, so I’m giving up and going to bed after asking him if we're going to watch something together and he responds 'no I'm quite tired, will probably head to bed soon'.

Please tell me I’m not the only one living with a DH who seems to have reverted back to a 14 year old!?

Why grown men play video games is beyond me

Fun?

Why are video games relegated to the "for kids" pile, I take it you all have things you do for fun?

Watching a film? "oh it's not the same, I'm not watching a kids film"
Well, guess what? Not all video games are made for kids, plenty of them are rated for adults only.

OP, honestly, if he can't fix this and see the problem, leave him.

The PlayStation is a symptom, not the illness.
The disease is a DH who is selfish and thinks he doesn't have to take responsibility around the house.

My DH is working from home unless he has to go into the office. He gets up with me and DC, we juggle DC and dogs so one does DC and the other walks the dogs. He works in the study but also uses his breaks to see me and DC or do help with house tasks (which I don't expect because I'm of the view if he's doing his normal work then I'm happy for him to do the usual tasks out of working hours).

It's why I have a stbexh! Some men haven't grown up!

No. I'm stuck in bed and have been since Thursday. So, DH has been up, rallied the kids, finished breakfast, put on a wash and has all three stuck into their school work. He's just finished an art project with dc3. He's wrangled a food box to be delivered on Friday. On the upside, he currently doesn't have to do this and work from home, like many others.

We just wouldn't have functioned this last week if he were the kind to set up on a game console and drown out his family.

Playing computer or console games is escapism just as those of you who are heavily involved in soaps or the latest box set. Everyone's different and it's not immature to play a game just because it's a video games and not a board game. My partner likes pc combat games and has a Nintendo retro game. He plays maybe an hour after work to destress and a little at the weekend. I've no issue I can watch tv, read, exercise and potter about. We have plenty time together.

What is wrong is when adults both male and female neglect their household responsibilities, families and partners for their hobbies/interests regardless of what they are. The fact is OP he thinks it's acceptable to take over the living room for hours on end not thinking of others is the issue. He is a father and should be looking after his children and household as much as you if he isnt working.

He's being selfish OP. My gaming set up is in the lounge and I haven't managed to get on at all since the kids stopped going to school. How can I? I'm not going to lie, I'd kill for some gaming time atm.

He either needs to set it up in another room at the very very least but I'd be telling him that you'll be unsure of the survival of your relationship as time goes on as he's displaying utterly selfish behaviour.

I too don't view as gaming as something specific to children, if he wants to play it, it's ok, I don't think it's childish.

But putting the game on all day whilst I do the washing up, tidy our bedroom, clean the bathroom etc is out of line.

If I could trust him to have the console in our bedroom and only use it occasionally, then I'd be all for that. But given the baby naps in our room, it's out of the question anyway.

I think the thing he's struggling with at the minute is the feeling of having 'nothing to do'. He's used to being up and out the door at 6am, then not home again until half 5, so being at home with the kids all day, not going out etc is driving him a but crackers. I think he's having a hard time adjusting to the 'slow' life of a stay at home parent, and in playing the PlayStation he feels like he's doing 'something'.

Thankfully, his work have rung him to let him know he needs to do a couple of hours of admin work each day, so keeping my fingers crossed that the PlayStation will now take a backseat going forward. Then if he wants to game for an hour in the evening to wind down, that's perfectly ok. He can do that, then we can watch something together or have some form of conversation together maybe!

It sounds like you need to have a proper conversation about how to arrange family life now that he's not working.

He shouldn't be ignoring all of you, at the same time you don't need two adults doing all the childcare and housework all day. Instead of him treating this like HIS holiday, it would be more fair to see it as a chance for you both to have more downtime.

So perhaps he gets to relax in the morning but then he takes over after lunch and you can do whatever you want for a few hours. Then all of you spend time together in the late afternoon/evening. Then after the kids are in bed, you alternate nights watching something together and him gaming or whatever.

If he's not willing to share time fairly, then you have a big problem.

That's actually domestic abuse and he could have reported you to the police for that. It's destruction of property.

Like fuck. It was my PlayStation. I paid for it. I did not have children so he could sit on my PlayStation and ignore us all.

He needs to share the tv and share the chores and childcare. Let him play the rest of the time if he wants.

I'm a grown woman with my own business and child and I'm also a gamer, but I guess I'm sad too

However, in this case his hobby is interfering with family life and stopping you doing things, so he's most definitely being unreasonable. It's not about the gaming, it's about him refusing to be part of family life and his selfishness in hogging the TV when there are others around.

The PlayStation is a symptom, not the illness

^This. Dh plays on it for an hour most days since lockdown. He's also running a virtual school from home, cooking, gardening, walking the dog and painting the outside of the house. And joining in with family stuff, games withthe dc etc. There is nothing wrong with 'fully grown men playing video games' or women playing them. There is plenty wrong with being a lazy, selfish arsehole.

Like fuck. It was my PlayStation. I paid for it. I did not have children so he could sit on my PlayStation and ignore us all.

If you paid for it, CLEARLY it is very different. However, smashing up your partners property that they paid for, is abuse. If I spent too much time on my phone and my DH smashed it, I would call the police. Threatening to destroy your partner's property or actually doing so is abuse.

I guess most of us have interests and hobbies that occasionally take priority over what we ought to do. (Viz. the time I spend on Mumsnet )

But he is not meeting his responsibilities during this difficult time.

He is missing out on precious time with his children and an opportunity to strengthen his bond with them.

And spend quality time and nurture his relationship with you.

And while he is not doing any of the above, he will slowly but surely become addicted to gaming.

Time for a serious discussion @ThisIsABitTricky

It's selfish escapism. I just wouldn't have it. I don't understand for the life of men why you would sit in your own lounge for 3 HOURS while he played this. Wouldn't happen here. Playstations are not just for kids, no, but selfishly spending too much time on them and ignoring responsibilities is definitely just for kids. Not a grown man and father!

Why does he think he has nothing to do? Surely half of the day should be childcare? That leaves half the day for chores - cooking/cleaning/tidying etc, some longer-time chores like DIY etc. That might leave a couple of hours downtime each day, which seems more reasonable.

He'd feel better if he pulled his weight around the house. It's the idleness that is making him struggle, not the fact that he is home.