Husband just told our 6yo DD that I am going to die because I am fat

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He is the same weight as me, I am v overweight after putting weight on after birth due to health issues, steroids a d eating the wrong foods. He says that he said it to wake me up to start to lose weight. He has started to comment when I eat things he thinks I shouldn't. I am livid he has frightened our DD like this and feel this is abusive behaviour. He doesn't see it like that. Am IBU?

So he is the same height and weight as you (same BMI?) and said that? That's bizarrely deluded apart from anything else. Has he said anything like this before? Is he usually kind or is there a pattern here? It matters a lot if this is one misguided incident or somehow typical.

He obviously has significant issues around his own weight that he's projecting on you if he had surgery etc and has put it on. What is his attitude towards his own current weight? And what, precisely, is he suggesting? that's what I'd be asking. If he wants to suggest off the back of this great behaviour that he'd like to start cooking healthily for the whole family and start hosting a Joe Wicks style workout every day, that'd be something.

I’m appalled. Bastard.

That's spectacularly out of order. Offensive to you and really scary for your child. What a prick!

I would end my marriage over this. It’s appalling on many levels. I can’t believe an adult would deliberately terrify a child, never mind their own child, like that. What a bastard.

He’s an abusive wanker. He’s abusing you and DD it’s completely unacceptable. Your mental health will be in shreds if you have to stay home with this wankbadger.

You are allowed to leave an abusive partner during this lockdown. Women’s Aid are still helping.

Don’t minimise the affect this will have in your or your daughters Mental Health.

Well if he is the same height then women naturally carry more fat, so what is his issue. Perhaps you could lose weight. However that is for you and you alone to decide, never another person. Even a professional can only advise.

Yes he is being abusive to you and very abusive to your daughter. Why would he say something like that now with all the fear and upheaval caused by lockdown. It’s cruel and you really need to speak to him and get him to apologise to her and somehow try and convince her it was a joke. Also perhaps evaluate your relationship and think about whether he is projecting his own feelings about his weight gain onto you.

Lose 200lbs by getting rid of h8m.

Inexcusably cruel.

To you and more importantly (you know what I mean by that, I'm not diminishing how cruel it is to you) to your daughter.

When I was six this would have caused me upset for weeks, worrying about mummy dying and what that would mean for me.

How fucking dare he. He's proven himself to be a shit dad today OP, as I say it's inexcusably cruel of him.

The fact he's put back on ten stone he lost and has said this to you makes him all the more hateful.

You can easily lose 20 stone if you cut this wanker off. I'm so angry for you and poor little DD.

He's potentially started her on the course for issues around eating too so well done daddy you absolute prick.

‘No darling, mummy’s not going to die, but if daddy doesn’t shut his mouth, he’ll be first!’ Sorry, but very tempting.

What a complete dickhead. Sorry you have to be holed up with him. Urgh! Can you at least be in different rooms and avoid him. Maybe see if you can speak with a solicitor on the phone?

My father used to fat shame my mother like this and it still upsets me 30 plus years on.
Your daughter will be affected, and she might have body issues herself as she gets older.
Making you feel bad about yourself will not help you lose weight.
Tell him youre only with someone as ugly as him because you have low self esteem, and if you lose weight you'll fuck off with someone else anyway. See what he says to that.

I know how you could loose a lot of weight quickly

In all seriousness though, what he said is vile and so hurtful. Your poor DD must be terrified! Especially if she has now made the link that you are both overweight. Poor lamb will be worried both her parents will die.

He seems to really believe he is saying it because he is frightened my weight will kill me. That's his argument. And that our daughter will be left without a mum. He forgets that he is the only one with type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure and probable sleep apnoea...

He's a knob
Quick way to lose a lot of useless weight op

It’s astounding how blind some people can be!

No, he does not really believe he is saying it because he is frightened. Otherwise he wouldn’t have put 10 stone on, he would have sought help at 5 stone or sooner. He wouldn’t be name calling and scaring a little girl telling her that her mummy will die.
I can’t say what is going on in his head as he obviously has his own major issues surrounding food. Nothing not even fear justifies making someone else scared, especially our children as we often go to extreme lengths to not scare our children.
He is gaslighting you, you have to think of what this is doing to your daughter, how this will impact her own relationship with food. How frightened he has made her.

He seems to really believe he is saying it because he is frightened my weight will kill me. That's his argument. And that our daughter will be left without a mum.

I'm sure some parents are frightened their partner will die of cancer if their family has a history of it.

What a sane rational and kind parent wouldn't do is vocalise that to a fucking six year old. Your poor, poor girl.

It doesn't matter WHY he said it, it matters that he DID say it. Out loud. To his child.

How can you even look at him?

So he's not desperately apologising and feeling awful for saying such a hateful thing to his child then?

Why stay with him? It will get worse over time, sweetie. Please leave!

You deserve so much better for you but ESPECIALLY your daughter.

Your poor dd, tell her Daddy was making a bad joke and that it isn't true as he weighs the same.
Are you both 10 stone over weight? have I got that right?
Your dh is a bully and abusive to do that to a child, but losing weight if you are overweight should be a lot easier with the fear of the virus.

He is emotionally abusing your child to get at you. Telling him so if you feel you can without upsetting your daughter or making things unsafe or more abusive for you. That is wrong!!!!!xxx

Whether or not he's worried about your health is nothing to do with scaring a little girl!! Talk to him and tell him how unacceptable it is and how worried your little girl is. Then get him to talk to her that he was being silly.

Then you can both sit down and discuss a way forward for both of you to become healthier and lose weight.

Please don't tell him you are thinking of leaving if you consider it. I'm sure people here will get a plan together for you and your dd to leave safely, if that's what you choose to do.
Stay safe! Thinking of you and praying for you

Classic projection.

He knows that he is at far bigger risk of keeling over than you but rather than face that, he is putting his fears onto you.

I do think that if you are 10 stone overweight then you really do need to lose it for your health but you know that and I am sure you will be doing that in your own way (FWIW I was 6 stone overweight and lost it all through low carbing, its hard core at first, I was STARVING for the first 2 weeks but it works and is really sustainable long term I am low carb all the time and have been for 2 years).

He is an utter bellend and I suggest the next time he tries to start about it you tell that instead of looking at you he should be looking in a fucking mirror.

What a horrible thing to do to his child. Bide your time, make preparations to get out when you can. Protect your daughter, he won't change. Its abuse of your daughter and you.

Husband has just told your 6yr old daughter that her father is a colossal bell end.