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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Adult daughters and their relationships during lockdown

47 replies

sarah108108 · 30/03/2020 14:35

We are a family of 4 (daughters aged 18 and 22) and have self isolated for 14 days with no outside contact.
Both our daughters are working from home and although originally choosing to isolate here with us (which I am happy about) they are now questioning us on if they can do 2 weeks with us and 2 weeks with their longstanding boyfriends. Both are in love and in serious relationships and their argument is this - if. everyone in the boyfriends household has been self isolating as we have, could they move into their homes for 2 weeks without risking contamination of themselves or their families. I know the clear advice is to isolate totally but do we not need to take mental health into account too? I'd really appreciate opinions. Thanks

OP posts:

Chiyo666 · 30/03/2020 14:38

No they need to pick a house and stay there.

peachypetite · 30/03/2020 14:39

No.

LittleLittleLittle · 30/03/2020 14:40

No - ask them to pick a house and stay there until the covid-19 lockdown is completely over.

WalledGarden · 30/03/2020 14:42

No.

Skittlesss · 30/03/2020 14:44

And what happens after the two weeks at their boyfriend’s house? This is likely to last longer. They need to stay where they are!

WalledGarden · 30/03/2020 14:48

They’ve already picked their house, and now they need to stay in it.

Badoukas · 30/03/2020 14:51

They must stay in your household.

user1493413286 · 30/03/2020 14:52

They need to stay at yours; the advice at the beginning was clear that they needed to chose whether to live with a partner or not see them for weeks and they chose to stay with you.
There are masses of us compromising our mental health in the hope that this will save lives; if we all bend the rules then there’s no point in this

DoveOfTheWoods · 30/03/2020 14:53

The rules on this very question were very clearly set out by the Deputy Chief Medical Officer last week. The rules apply to everybody, no exceptions.

TobyHouseMan · 30/03/2020 14:57

I understand their logic here. If both families are self isolating then in theory there is no problem moving between households.

TobyHouseMan · 30/03/2020 15:00

Oops - sent too early.... The issue is that self isolation doesn't guarantee you don't get the virus unless no one ever leaves the house, you get no deliveries, post etc. So if one family unfortunately did get it then by moving between each others houses then both families get it. So unfortunately if you are following advice you should not do this.

Mitsouko67 · 30/03/2020 15:05

No they need to stay in your household.

I'm experiencing similar issue with DD 19

supaloops · 30/03/2020 15:09

I assume someone in each household is shopping, or having shopping delivered? This will potentially expose the households to the virus. Your daughters could then carry the virus between the households. That's three households essentially mixing, by means of your daughters. The risk of those in the households getting sick, and then needing the NHS. They need to stay with you. They are not exempt from the rules. They are there for a reason...to save lives.

TheGinGenie · 30/03/2020 15:16

No. I haven't seen DP for weeks and I won't be seeing him til it's allowed. Yes it's shit but it's for a very good reason. Your daughters need to follow the rules too.

JulesM73 · 30/03/2020 15:22

Sorry being ‘in love’ and/or in a ‘serious’ relationship doesn’t mean it affects their mental health.

If they are in serious relationship they will understand why this is necessary and know it’s not forever. They have to suck it up.

notalwaysalondoner · 30/03/2020 15:26

It is only logical if not a single person from either household has been to the shop, been on a run, had any deliveries etc. There is still a non-zero risk from touching groceries, handling deliveries etc. so unless that’s the case your daughters have to stay in the house they have picked. The government advice was quite clear on this a week ago. And to be honest if two adult women can’t manage to be physically apart from their boyfriends for three weeks with modern connectivity I’d question their attitude - it sucks but lots of other people even before this were in long distance relationships and make it work. Including lots of poor couples in the developing world who only see each other for a week or two every year or two as one of them has to work away to earn enough money to live.

pencilpot99 · 30/03/2020 15:30

I am in love, in a serious relationship for nearly six years with my DP (we don't currently live together). I haven't seen my DP since the beginning of March and I won't see him until lockdown ends. We're both going through hard times with work, family and health worries. I would love nothing more than to have a hug from him right now. We Skype, we text, we understand that that's the way it has to be for now. We'll pick up our physical relationship when lockdown ends. Stay at home and stay safe.

NotDavidTennant · 30/03/2020 15:41

If you're still going out for shopping, exercise, etc then you're not self-isolating.

Staypositivepeople · 30/03/2020 16:01

They are adults ,you can’t stop them going
But you can stop them coming back after 2 weeks ,it’s your house

BigSandyBalls2015 · 30/03/2020 16:04

Nope they need to stay at yours. My 19 year old DD is in a similar situation, it's difficult for them but it won't last forever.

LemonTT · 30/03/2020 16:07

As others have said, the question was asked at a government briefing and it was answered. The answer is no, they continue to live were they are.

If their MH is that fragile, then they are better off at home rather than trying out cohabitation.

The advice is that if everyone follows the rules we will get through. If 60m people take a minor or minuscule risk it compounds into a large risk for the NHS and the population.

If you can’t make that judgement then you will need to be told and it will need to be enforced with stronger measures. Like in China, Italy, Spain and France.

SavoyCabbage · 30/03/2020 16:26

Mental heath! I'm sure they can text and video call each other. It's not like they have gone to war.

Millions of people all over the world aren't able to see the people they love at the moment.

Northernsoullover · 30/03/2020 16:28

I'm not seeing my partner. I am in love too . This is where they have to act like grown ups. Its sucks but you just have to get on with it.

TheNightKing · 30/03/2020 16:30

My DB is in love and in a serious relationship. He has told his girlfriend that he won’t be seeing her until lockdown finishes. Thousands of couples are doing this and as hard as it is, your daughters will have to do the same.

notsuremate · 30/03/2020 16:51

Are the boyfriends family truly isolating though? Do the boyfriends live on their own? No other people in the house? Are they going to work? Are they going to Tesco?

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