Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Adult daughters and their relationships during lockdown

47 replies

sarah108108 · 30/03/2020 14:35

We are a family of 4 (daughters aged 18 and 22) and have self isolated for 14 days with no outside contact.
Both our daughters are working from home and although originally choosing to isolate here with us (which I am happy about) they are now questioning us on if they can do 2 weeks with us and 2 weeks with their longstanding boyfriends. Both are in love and in serious relationships and their argument is this - if. everyone in the boyfriends household has been self isolating as we have, could they move into their homes for 2 weeks without risking contamination of themselves or their families. I know the clear advice is to isolate totally but do we not need to take mental health into account too? I'd really appreciate opinions. Thanks

OP posts:
Lippy1234 · 30/03/2020 16:54

I love my DS buy can’t see him until this is over.
Everyone follow the rules.

SharonasCorona · 30/03/2020 18:42

It's a slippery slope. I doubt they would stick to 2 on 2 off.

Are you happy for them to stay with you, OP? If yes, tell them that you want them to stay but if they decide to leave then they should stay at their BFs (bar any exceptional circumstances).

Lippy1234 · 30/03/2020 18:45

How about one Boyfriend d stays with one daughter at your house and the other daughter stays with her boyfriend at his house?

SharonasCorona · 30/03/2020 18:54

Not sure how that helps, Lippy?

Lippy1234 · 30/03/2020 18:55

I was thinking your daughters get to see their boyfriends and you don’t end up with lots of people at your house. Plus the most important thing there’s no switching households.

Veterinari · 30/03/2020 18:59

Basically with any connection you create one unit. So if your 2 DD moved between their boyfriends' houses, all of your all 3 households would be one unit.

That's 3x the risk from shopping, exercising etc.

You'd also need to be transparent with all households eg DD1's boyfriend's household would need to know that they are essentially connected to DD2's boyfriends household and be ok with that and vice versa as you'd be exposing any potentially vulnerable people in those households to additional risks. Basically if 1 person within one of the 3 households got CV, all 3 households would essentially be considered at risk of infection

SharonasCorona · 30/03/2020 19:37

@Lippy1234 I'm not OP, but I guess that would reduce it from 3 homes to 2.

I still think both dds would be better off staying at home.

TheNightKing · 31/03/2020 08:10

@Lippy1234 but if the DDs unknowingly have CV and one goes to BF’s house then she would be infecting all of their house too plus DD that stays and has BF come to stay would also infect her BF too.
Like I said, I get that it is hard but thousands of others are managing it. OP’s DD need to get on with it too.

Lippy1234 · 31/03/2020 08:13

Yes I understand that I don’t think it’s the best solution, that is obviously for the girls to stay put. I suggested it as damage limitation compared to constantly moving in and out of different households which would be selfish.

Makeitgoaway · 31/03/2020 08:14

How are so many households completely self isolating? Where does everyone get their food?

People misunderstand what this social distancing is for. Unless you are a very vulnerable person it's not to protect individuals, it's to slow the spread. "The plan" is still for most healthy people to get the illness at some point.

Weenurse · 31/03/2020 08:15

My DD2 is in the same position, I have told her to pretend she is in the services and stationed away.

Dozer · 31/03/2020 08:18

They would be behaving selfishly and irresponsibly to go elsewhere because they’d prefer to be with their BF than at the location they chose.

Unless perhaps they have severe mental health issues, “mental health”, social considerations and preferences (the latter seems the case here) are far less important than complying with the guidance set to minimise spread, for their and others’ benefit.

bigbluebus · 31/03/2020 08:18

They chose were they wanted to be so now they have to stay there. They are not a special case. Lots of us would like to see our loved ones and have them home but we can't. The rules are clear - stay in the house you are currently living in.

Makeitgoaway · 31/03/2020 08:19

In all these self isolating households is no one going out for food, or taking exercise or taking in post/deliveries?

Social distancing reduces the likelihood of infection and therefore reduces the spread. It doesn't eliminate it and it's not intended to.

TheNightKing · 31/03/2020 11:06

@Makeitgoaway yes, it is only intended to limit the spread BUT the massive flaw in your argument is how the hell are people supposed to feed themselves if they can’t go food shopping? You can not get a delivery slot for love nor money. It is impossible for everyone to completely self isolate. And if we start bending the rules because someone can’t stand the thought of a few weeks/months of not seeing their OH then why can’t we bend the rules for say single people seeing their best friends or their parents so they are not alone? Why can’t we bend the rules for only children who are struggling having no friends to play with to go and see cousins or a best friend?

Enchantmentz · 31/03/2020 18:50

They should really pick a house and stay in it. All my friends who have been in semi long term relationships but not living together have moved in with each other temporarily. One couple might make it permanent and the other were planning on getting a home together but now that will be set back due to this. They can't have their cake and eat it.

Original poster
sarah108108 · 31/03/2020 19:34

Thanks everyone for your feedback.
I’m in complete agreement and can totally see what you all mean.
I think I just needed a sounding board as it’s very difficult to form a clear opinion in the current situation when I’m only with my family 24/7.
Both girls have accepted the situation and will be staying put.

OP posts:
Makeitgoaway · 31/03/2020 19:37

I'm not arguing no one should go out. That was my point, people keep saying theyre a self isolating household, when they're actually social distancing, which is fine.

But people do need to pick a house and stick with it. There are so many ways to keep in touch now. When DH served in the first Gulf War, we had to rely on letters. Even a phone call was a rare and precious thing.

Teedeepie · 31/03/2020 20:04

Sadly OP to get through this we all have to stick to the rules regardless of the length of quarantine you have endured as it only takes one visit to the shops for someone to be infected and not even know and pass it to another household. One of my dearest friends lost her Dad to the virus this morning. She is alone and in absolute bits. I would love nothing more than to go to her and comfort her. But despite how she is feeling, she has insisted to save more lives I have to stay away for as long as it takes Sad.

okiedokieme · 31/03/2020 20:07

If they wish to stay with their boyfriends then they will need to stay until lockdown ends. I'm in the same situation and for now I'm staying put but may go home next week as I need to collect work from my office (essential otherwise no one gets paid next month!)

Whathewhatnow · 31/03/2020 20:17

Best to let them go to their partners I think. They can't come back to you but they are adults so...

SharonasCorona · 31/03/2020 22:18

Both girls have accepted the situation and will be staying put.

Great news.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page