Found text messages from another woman

[ohellnotagain]

Been with partner 22 years. I'm 48 and he is 52. Kids grown up and left home.

P has always lied and gone after other women. Always on the lookout for something better than me. Whether he's followed through with these relationships, I don't know and don't really care. Lately he has been paying attention to me, saying nice things and being generally nice and generous with his money. I thought he had outgrown this

My DDad died last year and left me (only child) his house. I've been slowly getting things together to move out and reclaim my half of our joint house. I haven't told him I'm moving out, but thought maybe reconsider in view of the changed behaviour. Always denied lying, cheating etc and very clever at covering his tracks.

So I checked his phone. It used to have a code on it but it's unlocked now. Quite shocked as he is good at passwords on everything and hiding things. The phone is out of the Ark. a really old Samsung. Took a while to find messages as it's not at all like my iPhone!

Found a message conversation from someone with the name of a woman he knew before he met me, who he said had died in a car accident! No idea if it's this woman but... this is the weird thing, several messages from her dated a few days ago. 15 or so messages, including this one with the message
In the comments. Definitely a 2 sided conversation with him, but no corresponding messages?

So I looked in his sent box and found messages from him to her dated 2014. Also with a message I'll show in the comments.

I'm going for sure now but would love to throw some evidence in his face as the removals van pulls up. What should I do now. I have the phone number of this woman. I just love a bit of revenge apart from taking half his house away.

🤣

A few days ago from her to him.

2014 from him to her. Just can't find any more recent. Why delete all recent from him to her and not her to him. He is very technophobic, just sneaky

You don’t need to throw evidence at him. You don’t need revenge on her. You’re getting out of an awful relationship at last, just focus on that. He knows you know he’s been repeatedly unfaithful and that he’s got away with it for years so it seems unlikely he’ll be that upset you’ve seen messages from 6 years ago.

I would just focus on quietly getting yourself the most slick and well planned exit strategy together, something so effective and final that he’ll just be completely blindsided by it and that will be revenge enough in itself.

You’re nearly done now, not much longer and you’ll have that ultimate satisfaction that his behaviour isn’t your problem any more.

Don’t waste time on a last hurrah, it will be a distraction from the priority that is leaving.

Move to your house in your name and leave this bastard behind. Get your half of the house you currently live in as well. You’re young, leave him

Just leave, your revenge will be living happily.

Could his nice act be money orientated? Does he hope to share your inheritance.

I just love a bit of revenge apart from taking half his house away.

Yeah but he can go after half or so of the house your dad left you.

You need to see a solicitor asap if you plan to divorce. Not sure how to do that in current circumstances. Maybe a phone call consultation.

Do any of your kids side with you,cad it were. Can you gift it to them and do try to get it out of marital assets?

(If may still be seen as trying to move assets out if marital assets and he/his solicitor may still try to go after it but it's worth a try - especially if you could do it now and delay the separation/divorce til quite some time so the two don't look linked.

You've out up with for ages, ding fk yourself up by leaving quickly as this time without sitting out this asset of yours.

*Do any of your kids side with you, as it were? Can you gift it to them and so try to get it out of marital assets?

(I mean they give it back to you after the divorce).

*You've put up with for ages, don't fk yourself up by leaving quickly as this time without sorting out this asset of yours.

Sorry about all the typos.

Does he hope to share your inheritance.

He does share her inheritance. They've been married for tonks and are still married.

She can try to make sure nothing related to it becomes "joint assets" and us seen as hers (only) but he & his solicitor could still claim it'd a marital asset and go after it in the settlement.

OP says he's her partner not husband so he has no claim on the house her dad left her. I'm guessing the house they live in together is jointly owned 50/50 so she can get her half out (he buys her out or she forces sale the get her share).

*yonks

Gilbert Where does it say they're married? And have been for yonks? Have I missed a post?

Why bother, just leave when you have to. All that is going on in the world, it kind of puts things in perspective. Life is short, time is precious. Why waste your thoughts and deeds on him, you have wanted enough already. You have the means to move on. Do it, don't look back.

OP says he's her partner not husband

You're right! I completely missed the word partner and just presumed they'd been together do long with kids that they were v likely married.

Fantastic!

For once not having got married is a good thing.

Are you married ? He could go after half of your dads estate

We're not married. I don't think he can touch dad's house. I am 50/50 on our current house. I've always worked and paid I to it.

There was also a text message about his Jetski insurance. This month. The jetski that was broken and sold for scrap. He had a caravan which he says isn't his, but I've no doubt it's another lie. I bet it's got half the new cutlery I bought and which has slowly vanished over the years.

The message from the woman is a few days ago, so it's not ancient history. He hates being shown up as a liar and values his good name. I'd just like to expose him for the cheat and liar he is to others. That would hurt the most. I will be better off, but I just feel he's got away with everything and I will just look like the bad person for walking out. I'm pretty sure he will buy me out of the house.

The yonks I was referring to was the 22 years , but I do who's completely missed partner and assumed husband.

I'd just like to expose him for the cheat and liar he is to others. That would hurt the most

What would hurt the most is you just upping and leaving without a word! Block his number and all social media. Sort the sale of the joint house out via solicitor. No goodbye, no warning, nothing. Just disappear!

Never married @GilbertMarkham He kept stringing me along (on the lookout for something better no doubt). When we had kids he said we could get married, then put it off and went on like this. Be the time I realised I'd made such a mistake I didn't want marriage.

Why have you stayed when he openly chases other women?
I’d go tomorrow, you have no reason to stay.

Dont waste any time on doing anything except protecting your assets from him and moving out and away safely. Disengage.

Don't waste your time on revenge because you'll never, ever get the satisfaction you think you'll get. Be better than he is and just get the fuck out.

I get where you're coming from OP. If he likes to be the good guy he'll hate having that image discredited. When you're ready to go, I'd simply print off the messages, shove them under his nose, tell him you know he's been cheating with a supposed dead woman and that you're leaving. If anyone asks you can simply tell them the truth. Family and friends included. You don't need to do anything spectacular.

The house is half yours so you're entitled to that, you paid half. The house from your Dad's is an inheritance so nothing to do with him as you're not married.