Relocating away from ex.. cant take it any.more

[Whathewhatnow]

I've been living with ex and our two kids for a year since separating.

Had the lockdown come a week later we would have exchanged on the sale of our current property and pur onward purchass.Too late now. Sale and onward purchases at risk...

I cannot, cannot face the next 12 weeks locked down with him.

There is a vacant family property (holiday let) I could go to, taking the kids. He could have them half the week. We could meet half way for changeover- its 3 hours away in the car. Theres nowhere more local I could go to. Cant afford local Airbnb, nor a let as well as paying the mortgage here.

It was ok whilst I had an escape plan and the prospect of my own place. That has now gone for the foreseeable.

What's the verdict? I feel utterly, utterly trapped.

Sounds like an emergency so go for it before it becomes a medical one!

Jesus how awful. I can understand you feeling so trapped.

Will the kids be ok with the back and forth arrangement? 3 hours is a lot and there already out of sorts I would imagine, due to the restrictions on all our lives.

If you think the kids will be ok with this then I'd say do it. The atmosphere at home is likely to be very strained otherwise which would be hell for everyone.

Good luck xx

Totally understandable that you need to get out.

But a 6 hour return trip twice a week is ridiculous and will increase the risk in the frequent use of petrol stations etc. Also driving 2x3 hours twice every week is a slog in the children’s lives.

A week at a time, or 10 days would be better than back and forth half weekly.

Use the vacant family property.

The impact on the kids is the main reason I am doubting this. You're right about the 3 hour drive. It would be pretty awful but they are older and very little risk of petrol station stops. Bladders of steel! A week at a time without my kids and they without me :( this is what the ex and I promised them would not happen as a result of our split.

I know that we are so lucky to have roofs over our heads, health and food. I know this isn't a true emergency but I've reached the end of my.personal tether this weekend.

Thank you for not telling me I am nuta for considering this. I was prepared for a drubbing.

Nuts not nuta

I don't know how you can stand it. Nobody would blame you for going. Have you asked the children what they want to do.

No not asked. I think they would be upset. ; they are kids and they will go with what they know rather than some untested setup...

You're not nuts, you're looking for a sensible escape. Nothing wrong with that.

Have you spoken to the kids, how do they feel? X

The more I think the more I'm coming to the conclusion I should do it.

I literally cannot bear it any more.

This is a tough situation for you and understandable that you want to move out.

But if you move (and 3 hours / a 6 hour round trip) it’s your responsibility to transport the children to see their dad. A 6 hour trip two x a week isn’t tenable and that amount of travel isn’t right at this time IMO.

Has he agreed to do half the travel?

Would he be reasonable and meet half way? As a PP said if you move away he could argue you need to take care off transport, which would mean you driving 6 hours twice a week.

Im dreading the next couple of months trapped at home with DH. I have no idea how I'm going to get through it but I don't have an escape route or I'd be very tempted to leave with the kids and bare whatever cost to do it. Is your X working from home? Are you? Would kids staying in family home and you going to holiday let for a couple of days each week work? Gives you some time apart, but kids don't have to travel so less exposure risk and less travel for you if X would be unwilling to share transport.

We only have 1 car so meeting in the middle not feasible duh! Stupid me.

I'll discuss it with him tonight.. I do see what people are saying about it being too far away.

Actually come to think of it there is a car at the family.property. not sure it's insured tho

Has he agreed you can move and take the children ?
Personally I think it’s really unfair on them, it’s too far and too much travelling

Yes that is what is holding me back millymollymoomoo.

I'm sure he would agree just to get me out of his hair.

I think it's just too far. I know you don't like it but it would be better if you had the kids for a week in the holiday let, then he had them for a week etc. If not, you're just making far too many journeys. Exhausting for everyone but you're also increasing your risk so much as every trip could mean you coming into contact with people. Plus the constant moving potentially increases the risk for the people you have contact (shops etc) with near the holiday let. At a normal time, this isn't a great idea. During a lockdown, it's verging on very foolish. Sorry OP.

I know the naysayers are probably right. I just dont know how I'm going to get through the next 3 months. I know I will, I just dont know how yet.

I do think I could make it so it was the same risk as any separated family tho. I wouldnt be using en route filling stations or shops. My kids can easily go that journey and are very very use to travelling up and down the country. It's not fun but it might be better than living in this toxic hellhole.

You're missing the point OP. We're on lockdown. Your situation is unpleasant but please use your common sense. Stay at home. Once the lockdown is lifted, do whatever you want but until then you need to follow the rules like everyone else.

You run the risk that you are unlikely to be welcome in new area. Especially if you take off on long journeys every week with the children.

Having a supportive rather than an antagonistic community around you might be worth the pain of staying.

Isn’t there enough space in your current house to avoid each other? Draw up a rota of when you each use the kitchen etc?

I don’t suppose you can say that you won’t be making any additional stops at petrol stations either, as unless you’re running on fumes you’ll need to be filling your car up very regularly for all of the trips