Flouting the lockdown, it’s wrong, right?!!

[Blinkingecksake]

Just having a moan really... I don’t live with my partner, but due to working at home, the only people he has seen in the last 3 weeks is me and my children, so if I did see him, minimum risk. However, we won’t see each other because we feel it’s the right thing to do, it’s not essential travel, we’re law abiding and sensible and have accepted the guidelines that we can’t now see each other till god knows when. Him moving in here temporarily isn’t a go-er as he needs to work from home, lots of video calling etc and I have a noisy household with kids.

But! I’m so surprised at the number of people who are flouting this! And am so surprised by people’s reactions when I say I’m not seeing him (half hour drive away involving motorway, even if I did want to flout it I’d worry I’d get stopped!). They’ve said they’d just go anyway when kids at their dads. Some agree that I’m doing the right thing, but not all.

Am I missing something here?! Apologies if this has been covered already - been trying to focus on kids and school work and not disappear down a Mumsnet hole!!!

One more gripe - he’s a real pragmatic matter of fact man. No element of seeming bothered by not seeing each other as ‘we can’t change it, sooner we all stick to it sooner life will return’. Would just be nice if he said ‘miss you!’

My partner I decided we would not see each other till it's over. I work for the NHS & he is older than me, in his 60s, although in good health. We live 120 miles apart.

If I made him ill and he died, I'd never forgive myself.

@Notcoolmum thank you - indeed I didn’t mention sex, it’s weird because normally I have quite a high sex drive but that’s not been on my mind at all and not at all what this was about for me. I will accept it and will follow the rules but doesn’t mean I don’t miss a hug and to just be together. Have been doing Houseparty chats with friends but do get a bit jealous when they’re sat with their fellas on their sofa. Don’t begrudge them it at all, just wish I wasn’t alone! So I completely hear you.

@pussgirl sounds totally sensible. And thanks to who shared the link - on a previous page so can’t see name! A really good read.

I'm in a similar position to you. Desperately missing my OH, just want to speak to him and message all day but he's cracking on with life!! I've got to stop overthinking too, he does miss me and we've been sending cheeky pictures to each other to pass the time lol

I'm a single mum, I didn't say op, I generalised based on the ridiculous responses on here about taking him a bag of groceries and such. I'm on my own with my kids, don't go out except to the garden and I'm sucking it up like everyone else should be but based on some of these posts, apparently not. Why should just a few people alter their whole lives, including with children who naturally want to be out and about, if everyone else is not doing it.

OMG what is wrong with you all? JUST FOLLOW THE RULES or we'll have lockdown for longer. No going between households. Control yourselves and stop making up reasons how you can get round the rules. They apply to all of us.

I don't understand people saying it's no more risk than living together. The whole point of that they've said each household is at the same risk level, and that's why they can go out together for a walk. They've also said pick a household and stick to it.

The quicker everyone follows the rules - the quicker this will all be over!

Why can't people see that! I'm fed up with people thinking they are special and the rules don't apply to them - not thinking that hundreds of people are thinking the same thing. We all have family/partners we want to visit but we have been advised not to to stop the spread of a dangerous virus. Soon we will not have a choice and we will be stopped from leaving our homes all together.

I could easily flout the rules with lots of friends because we are all healthy and not been with anyone else for a week (or 2 weeks next week) but then you'd start the movement of people and this will spread. We just need to sit tight and be un each other's lives virtually.

I really miss the guy I'm seeing but we keep it light and enjoy our chats when we can. I don't go on about missing him and from our conversation you wouldn't think it. Don't read anything into it. I'm quite pragmatic and if I can't change a situation I don't moan or go on about it despite feeling it.

I haven't seen my OH since before lockdown, it's very hard.

I'm WFH but could be called in at any time (NHS) he's still working and having his daughter for contact, so between the people he's in contact with at work and the people his daughter is in contact with through school and her DM and Step Dad, etc. etc. there are a vast number of contact points.

Its really hard, we miss each other but the rules are there for a good reason.

I am gobsmacked by the number of posters here thinking that relationships are the exception to "stay at home". There are no excuses.

It takes one trip to the shops to pick up the virus ... and an asymptomatic visit to someone else to spread it. They may end up in hospital, which will spread it further.

Are people not engaging their brains?

I haven't seen my boyfriend since before the lockdown started, but we decided not to see each other for the duration. Although my children are staying with me full time, he is still having his children 50% of the time as usual. Neither of us are going to work (both wfh at the moment), but we feel it is too big of a risk to see each other, since his kids are with his ex the other 50%, who is still popping in to work some days as is her partner.

It completely sucks, but we did do our first video call today which was lovely

OP, I think if your partner gave you a bit more reassurance maybe you wouldn't overthink things. Thick skinned he may be, but for fucks sake

@Isadora2007

Don’t be an idiot. FFS what is wrong with people. 200 more people have died today.

As an NHS worker I fucking despair. Does it take something to happen to someone you love to get people to start listening?

Op I'm in a similar position.

It sucks especially if it does last the 6 months they are suggesting.

But my bf is very matter of fact about it. Which I'm finding hard to.

I'm not seeing my partner, we live 10 miles apart. I can't say to my teen/adult children that they can't see their friends and then go and see him. We just need to follow the rules.

I am really shocked that some people are condoning seeing each other.

Some right smug shits on here. It's patently clear that non-cohabiting relationships are second best to many on mumsnet. It's one thing pointing out the risks and another entirely to be so dismissive of people's understandable desire to see their loved one - 'driving around for a shag' indeed. How fucking appalling to dismiss a relationship with those sort of words.

Thanks everyone, for what it’s worth I agree and the original point of my post was I couldn’t understand why others weren’t taking it seriously, friends that I normally consider rational.

I won’t be seeing him and will do everything being asked of us by the government. I’m a keyworker and will keep doing my bit and just hold on tight.

But @mamato3lads yes reassurance would be nice!! We had a decent FaceTime today where neither of us seemed narky (we’ve both been narky all week) so that was good. @Musti he says exactly the same as you so I appreciate your perspective - thank you. He’s said before just because he doesn’t say something doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel it, just doesn’t see the point if ‘it is what it is’.

@Curiousmum69 it’s rotten being an over thinker hey...

@opticaldelusion thank you, it is quite hard not having a clue when I’ll see him again. I had a terribly abusive marriage to include dv and to finally have someone who treats me well and cares about me is more significant than I can say. We’ve been together a few years, he’s such an important part of my life.

Am having to listen to friends moaning on about having their other halves under their feet saying I don’t know lucky I am and people posting memes about killing them off and I think wow, you don’t actually know how lucky you are!! These are friends in good marriages by the way - I genuinely feel for anyone who is stuck right now in any abusive and harmful situation, that’s different.

You're not wrong, but I think a lot of us are making a compromise and seeing one or two people. It's no more risk than if you were co-habiting or married to someone, as millions or people are

Speak for yourself

Mind, I still have to work. But that's ok, this will go on just as long as the selfish twats will think the rules don't apply to them.

Fuxache man.

Interesting to know that "compromise" has redefined in the wake of Coronavirus.

I can't understand people sometimes, saying they see one or two other people as a compromise, and suggestions as to how to trick the police if they're stopped. Why aren't people following the current advice? I don't get it.
My mother is very elderly, and in extremely poor health. In fact, she was discharged from hospital early last week in preparation for the anticipated influx of COVID19 patients. She's on the shielded list, and lives alone - I can't see her at all, and she sees nobody other than her carer. But, if I take the risk and go and see her, I'd be risking her life, and risking the lives of others. So I won't. I'll follow the rules and stay at home.
But threads like these make me wonder why I bother with rules. If others are so willing to flout the advice, what's the point in me sticking so rigidly to them? I could get in my car tomorrow morning and go and see my mum, and to fuck with everyone else's health.
But I won't do that, because I've got a social conscience, and I'm not a selfish, arrogant person.

would just carry on seeing him and drive carefully. The rules allow caring duties so take a bag of groceries and IF you were topped you could say you were delivering to a self isolating friend

Ffs it's this kind of attitude that's going to have us in lockdown for even longer than expected

What part of stay at home is so bloody hard to understand

I understand your predicament OP. I wonder what people will think about my situation.

No kids, I’m WFH at the moment. My partner is a police officer. We live separately but we’ve been planning to live together soon. I’ve been staying at home, haven’t left for five days but I’ll need to shop for essentials tomorrow. I’ve still seen him because he’s come to mine after his shift for a meal and a comforting hug. In this uncertain time I think that’s perfectly acceptable. Different situation to yours though OP. As long as people aren’t putting themselves and others at risk I can’t get worked up about it.