How would you read this?

[25MinutesSinceLastTime]

Been seeing a man for 6 months. Had the exclusive chat around a month in and agreed we'd both been exclusive from the start. Nothing to suggest that's changed.

We spend every weekend together - either 1 or 2 nights and a day out and sometines/often a night in the week too. This is usually governed by me because of my work/family commitments. There has not been a single time I've suggested a date that he's turned me down; he's not cancelled any.

No issues when we're together. We go out together as a 'couple' - we've had couple friends round for the evening and I've been invited with him to friends' events.

His family know about me (I've seen emails from siblings who have asked after me); I've met all of his friends.

But...

We spent last weekend together before the lockdown and had a lovely time but at one point he 'almost' referred to me as his girlfriend and then corrected himself.

Something along the lines of "my girlf... my girl".

Now, we havent actually discussed the bf/gf label - I'm not particularly hung up on labels - I tend to go by if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck... and going by that, this looks as much bf/gf as any other relationship I've been in - more than others. But this has thrown me a little.

He always tells people its going "really well" if they ask - but then when someone made a direct reference to us being 'a couple' he didn't respond either way.

We're now into lockdown obviously. He sent me away with some of his DVD box sets to keep me occupied and I have things at his. So, presumably, there is an expectation that we will be seeing each other again once this is all over.

But in what capacity?

In all of this, I'd rather not have any headspace taken up by a relationship that isn't a relationship.

How would you read this?

Ask him?

I'd read it as he thinks he's to old ho have a girlfriend. Partner or other half maybe? I always think bf/gf is for teenagers

I am going to ask him. It just threw me a bit really.

Yeah maybe he thinks we're too old for those labels.

I'll just feel a bit daft if I've been going along thinking this is a developing relationship and he's just been thinking we're 'seeing each other' and nothing more!

Just talk to him. You don’t know his mind, and no one here can psychically determine it for you.
It could be as whatdayisit said, he sees you as a partner and gf/bf is for teens
It could be that he thinks he should not refer to you as his girlfriend without your permission first.
It could be that he is thinking about opening up the relationship for ethical nonmonogamy
You won’t know without asking him. Spending time together is great but you also need to communicate.

Sorry, cross posted. Agree it’s a good idea to talk to him.
Don’t feel daft. The whole reason for communicating is to be sure there are no misunderstandings. He might be having the same fears as you.

I hope so!

Also, communicating in the current climate is tricky. I'm a bit more old school and prefer face to face or by letter! I loathe facetime with a passion and I'm not great on texting or talking by the phone - don't have the privacy for the latter. I don't tend to have lengthy chats by either. I don't really want to sound confrontational or accusatory either but without referring to his correction etc, I'm not sure how to explain my bringing it up now.

Just a bit tricky. And if the current situation is extended, this could go on for several weeks so I don't want to wait until it's over and look like I've been sitting on it for weeks/months- which I will have been.

Guess I just need to get my big girl pants on.

Just say that CV has given you plenty of time to think, you miss him, and maybe it sounds silly but you want to officially be his girlfriend. See what he says.

That's a good idea but I'm dreading him saying "no" now 😕

I would read it as girlfriend sounding childish.

I've been seeing someone 6 months and a few weeks ago we were in the supermarket and I ran into a friend. This is someone I may only see once or twice a month. I introduced him as my...... friend. In the moment it felt so stupid saying boyfriend (I'm 47, he's 49). He pulled me up on it when we get home in a jokey way. I explained boyfriend sounded ridiculous and partner so formal. I asked what would he like me to call him in the future and he said 'my hero' so I think I'll do that to save any misunderstanding

But as others have said, ask him to clarify. I honestly wouldn't swest this at all x

sweat*

You’re his girlfriend, most definitely!!

"My hero" I like that.

I just feel a bitnsioly bringing it up.

Should I ask him why he corrected himself? I think I feel a bit silly asking him now I think he's sent me a clear message that we are not 'together'.

Seal the deal and ask him if he’ll be your man! X

I think he went to say it as it felt natural but stopped himself as you guys haven’t had “the chat“.

I hope you're right x

Have you referred to him as your boyfriend?
I'd also guess it's an issue of terminology, but maybe he thinks you don't think you're a couple and he doesn't want to look a prat?

Some people don’t like labels . Just that simple . He’s obviously committed to you . Try not to overthink things , esp in the current climate, you’ll drive yourself nuts . As pp’s have said if it’s bothering you just ask

I’d ask in a chatty way how he refers to you when talking to other people as you were trying to work it out when talking to people. Beyond mid twenties I didn’t really like saying boyfriend as we are grown adults but partner sounds quite serious.

I have referred to him as my boyfriend when talking to other people but not directly to him.

I think he's just told people he's "met someone" and then used my name tbh. He introduced me to someone a couple of weeks ago and his inflection suggested that this guy already knew about me and he was just putting a person to the name. So I think I'm being mentioned.

It's just made me a bit wary that his reluctance to use the word is because he doesn't see us as being serious or think about me in that way. Not so much the correcting himself bit, but that he didn't respond to the friend who asked him about us.

Maybe I'm just convenient companionship at the weekend?

I have a few things at his house. Just some toiletries and slippers etc so that i don't have to carry all the essentials back and forth. He doesn't seem to mind but now I'm just wondering if he is just being polite!!

Not even sure when it get the chance to ask him now either. It's probably a bit too 'serious' for a text message!

You're overthinking because of the weird circumstances and not being able to just see him and be comforted when he gives you a hug.

How about referring to yourself as his "girlf-girl" with a laughing crying smiley?

"Girlf-girl" 😂 I like it!

Yes, you're right. I probably am overthinking it.

He started to use it then felt like a prat so stopped himself . You are his girlfriend !

Thanks, Penguin. I think all this isolation is getting to me! That's not how I read it at all but I can see that your interpretation makes more sense than mine.

I think just say do you want to be in a relationship with me/ do you see this going somewhere?

If he says no, you know where you stand no?

presumably, there is an expectation that we will be seeing each other again once this is all over.

This is a rather odd statement. How did you both leave it when you parted before lockdown?

How have you been communicating since the weekend? How are things between you - what sort of interactions have you had?

I get that you prefer face to face communication, but surely needs must.