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Original poster

Misses me but hates me?!

41 replies

KingKhalifa · 27/03/2020 03:25

Hi all, this is my first post and also my first time on here.
Me and my girlfriend have been together for 4 and half months and the connection is deep enough that we've made our intentions clear and already talked about marriage, kids, house etc etc. During the first month all we did was argue, which has died down significantly. The relationship started naturally and without it being feeling forced, and it still is.

During this virus isolation I went to see my father and my girlfriend text me a few times that she missed me and when I was coming home. We facetimed each other twice in the 6 hours I was with my father.

When I got home eventually, it was all good until she went to the bedroom. I tried to give her a quick kiss but she kept pushing me away and her mood changed so quick, raising her voice and being hostile. It was bad enough for me to leave and go downstairs before WW3 started.

She text me to turn the heater on and I asked her what the matter was, she replied she didn't know, that when I'm gone she misses me but when I'm around she hates me... Keeping in mind how well the relationship is going right now I have completely failed to understand what she meant by that text. I went to bed eventually and hugged her and we cuddled to sleep, I wasn't expecting that to be honest after that text. I've tried talking to her about it but she doesn't want to. Any help and advice as to what she meant is well appreciated.

OP posts:
JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 27/03/2020 03:30

Sounds like hard work. A relationship shouldn't be so difficult and volatile. It's supposed to be the honeymoon stage. Red flags here. Cut your losses and run, she sounds intense

Aquamarine1029 · 27/03/2020 03:33

Run for your life because this "relationship" is a complete disaster. Talking children and marriage in the first 4 months? FFS. Spent the first month fighting all the time? Really??

Now she says she hates being around you, and you actually need advice?

It's over or damn well should be because the two of you are a disaster. Dump and move on.

Thepigeonsarecoming · 27/03/2020 03:37

4 months in 😂. No this isn’t to be if things are this shit already

DPotter · 27/03/2020 03:40

Seems to me you have a very strange view of what makes a good lasting relationship. Arguing all the time during the FIRST month ! I'm sorry but from your description - this is not a good relationship.

My sincere advice is the leave the woman as fast as you can and to get yourself some good counselling on personal relationships. A couple who are so loved up that within 4 months are talking life long commitment and children, shouldn't be constantly arguing or refusing to talk through any problems. Constantly texting and facetiming during a 6 hour separation is just way too intense and strongly suggests lack of trust which will only end in your contact with family and friends being limited as your gf doesn't want to share you.

oh and take charge of contraception - seriously take charge.

Original poster
KingKhalifa · 27/03/2020 03:46

By fighting I didn't mean literally all the time, like every 3 days we disagreed on something and boom. Leaving is easier said than done with her tbh. By how things went so far I can tell she loves me alot and doesn't want to lose me. This is the first time she said some madness like that, that's why it blew me away despite how good things were.

BTW we've met each other's parents aswell and she's got a young son which I've gelled with so well, so it adds to the pressure of leaving only if it came to that. I want to fix this, not just leave. So in the worst case scenario I can atleast say that I've tried

OP posts:
Original poster
KingKhalifa · 27/03/2020 03:50

This is what I've got in the back of my mind always but can't seem to take my own advice. I hardly listen toy guy and my gut is 100% right every time, based on experience.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 27/03/2020 03:51

There's nothing to fix. Take the blinders off, grow up, and end it before you do damage to that child.

Thepigeonsarecoming · 27/03/2020 03:53

This isn’t a normal relationship OP, how old are you?

Original poster
KingKhalifa · 27/03/2020 04:00

We're both in our late 20's. So I should just fuck it and leave?! Coz I spent too much time on her and it'll be a damn waste. I was probably foolish not to end it in the first month but that's in the past. This one's a tough one. And how do I leave? How should I put it together so she gets what's I'm saying?

OP posts:
Thepigeonsarecoming · 27/03/2020 04:04

Yes you should leave, can you imagine this life for the next 50+ years. This isn’t a relationship, it’s a joining of two lonely people who do not get along well. Plus there’s a child to consider

Original poster
KingKhalifa · 27/03/2020 04:13

Damn thats true. Thanks a lot for the comments guys. This is going to be tough but has to be done.

OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 27/03/2020 07:03

You saw your father for six hours and FaceTimed your gf twice? Wtf. How rude to your father! That is suffocating behaviour!

It's been less than six months already a complete rushed disaster. It has been since day 1 - arguing ever 3 days in the first month is a huge red flag. You should have run then. Meeting her dc so early and discussion about long term future is a huge red flag.

Trying to manipulating you in coming home early from.your father's and then punishing with with sulking, anger and cryptic texts isn't a warning red flag. It's awelcome to rest of your life being manipulated, punished and controlled flag.

She doesn't have to 'get' what you're saying when you break up. She doesn't have to agree. She doesn't have to understand. If you start thinking she does, it leaves you open to negotiation and manipulation.

You're going to come out the bad guy in her eyes regardless. Because that is HER narrative. But if you stay, you're already set up as the bad guy in HER narrative.

You had new relationship blinkers on and rushed into deep and heavy with a stranger. Leaving and confirming her narrative is the smallest price you can pay now. Stay and those six hours visiting your father will shrink to nothing as you are trained by her punishments. You will always be 'the bad guy' and you'll be walking on eggs shells the rest of your life because you're afraid to accept you 'wasted' four months and over invested too early.

PositiveVibez · 27/03/2020 07:13

She has allowed you to live in her house with herself and her son????

She's only known you a few weeks. What the fuck are you both playing at?

That poor kid.

CodenameVillanelle · 27/03/2020 07:14

This relationship is a disaster. Of course you should end it. 4.5 months! Absurd

conduitoffortune · 27/03/2020 07:16

This is all shades of wrong and you know it. Don't waste even more of your time on this just because you have already wasted some of your time on it - that would be illogical.

And don't ever be drawn in to a serious relationship, meeting kids, living together, and talking about marriage ever again within a matter of months. That sort of thing very rarely ends well.

TwoKnocks · 27/03/2020 07:22

At four and a half months, the first month of which you spent fighting, you live with her and her young child, and are discussing marriage and more children, despite the fact she says she hates you, and you have to come on the internet to interpret her text messages?

I hope you’re joking.

cheeserem · 27/03/2020 08:32

It shouldn't be this hard work so early on. Why did you stay together if you argued so much in the first month?!

ravenmum · 27/03/2020 08:46

when I'm gone she misses me but when I'm around she hates me
My reading of this is that she likes the idea of you - the person she likes to imagine you to be; the person she wishes you were - but doesn't actually like the real you.
When your partner is not there, you can imagine them being just the way you would like - you look at the photo of them where they look really sexy, imagine them fondly, daydream lovely conversations. Then when they are actually there, they are not as compliant as the imagined version of them. They burp, snore and smell, have unpleasant opinions, want to stay in when you would like to go out and don't vanish back into the depths of your imagination when you just want a bit of privacy.

What are you doing swanning about between different households, anyway? Do you live in the US?

OtherVoices · 27/03/2020 09:07

Yes . Leave now and isolate.
She sounds awful.

offlikeabanger · 27/03/2020 09:10

Coz I spent too much time on her and it'll be a damn waste.

4 and half months? Come on now.

she's got a young son which I've gelled with so well, so it adds to the pressure of leaving only if it came to that.

You shouldn't even have met her poor kid yet. And after you spent the first month arguing? Absolutely ridiculous. Leave her and let this be a lesson to you on why you don't jump in when kids are involved .

Emmalou88 · 27/03/2020 09:18

I know it seems silly but has she got bipolar. My partner was very on and off with me. He was lovely but then used to have melt downs and couldn't explain why. He would get depressed and say i was too good for him. Me and his mum spoke to him about it. We went to the doctors and he was diagnosed with bipolar, he has been on medication for 2 years and is fine now. I suppose she would need to admit she has problems to go to seek help and you need to think is she worth sticking by after a few months into the relationship.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 27/03/2020 09:33

How do you have the energy for such drama? I just couldnt be bothered.

Original poster
KingKhalifa · 27/03/2020 11:40

I want to thank Ravenmum for the reply, you've actually answered the question I asked

OP posts:
Aerial2020 · 27/03/2020 13:18

Toxic.

Bananalanacake · 27/03/2020 15:02

When I start a relationship I see the other person once or twice a week, I am happy to have a half hour phone call no more than twice a week. I need my own space. It is pathetic and clingy she wants you to stay at hers, she should be focussing on her child.

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