Misses me but hates me?!

[KingKhalifa]

Hi all, this is my first post and also my first time on here.
Me and my girlfriend have been together for 4 and half months and the connection is deep enough that we've made our intentions clear and already talked about marriage, kids, house etc etc. During the first month all we did was argue, which has died down significantly. The relationship started naturally and without it being feeling forced, and it still is.

During this virus isolation I went to see my father and my girlfriend text me a few times that she missed me and when I was coming home. We facetimed each other twice in the 6 hours I was with my father.

When I got home eventually, it was all good until she went to the bedroom. I tried to give her a quick kiss but she kept pushing me away and her mood changed so quick, raising her voice and being hostile. It was bad enough for me to leave and go downstairs before WW3 started.

She text me to turn the heater on and I asked her what the matter was, she replied she didn't know, that when I'm gone she misses me but when I'm around she hates me... Keeping in mind how well the relationship is going right now I have completely failed to understand what she meant by that text. I went to bed eventually and hugged her and we cuddled to sleep, I wasn't expecting that to be honest after that text. I've tried talking to her about it but she doesn't want to. Any help and advice as to what she meant is well appreciated.

she doesn't love you mate.......she's a nutjob with a few screws loose.

FOUR months ?! get a grip and leave this abusive person OP... you cannot live your life controlled to keep someone else happy. .. Please... get the hell out asap..

Raven you speak complete sense.

I was obviously blind to have out up with her so this much. I thought I could work on it rather than just call it a day so easily. But everyone's right, it's toxic and a whole lot of bs.

Now on a other note I didn't expect this forum to be this good tbh. Lots of replies and what have you. Thanks for helping out a brother who's been blind the past 4months ☠️😂

Glad to hear you're feeling clearer about things now. And please do check your thinking in future when dating people with kids.

To have met someone's kids, let alone be staying with them, when you've only been dating a couple of months is wildly irresponsible of every adult involved. I'm not saying that to stick the boot in to you, but I'm shocked you thought that was normal or even a positive rather than a concern.

It shows that she has a lack of maturity as a parent because she should not be introducing new boyfriends to her kids / having them move in / bond with them especially when you say you've regularly fought from the beginning.

Hopefully you're both young and this is a good learning experience at least.

Glad to be of help.
Stay safe

Why were you visting your father?
Is he vulnerable? Were you providing care?
This is not isolation
You not supposed to be visit ing ....

So I should just fuck it and leave?! Coz I spent too much time on her

As PP's have said, 4 or 5 months is nothing. We have plenty of women on here tha have spent 30 years or more with someone who turns out to be awful! Some posters have left in their 60s and are a lot happier.

Can you imagine?

Draw the line here. As you've been seeing your dad you could go and stay with him, at least until everywhere's up and running again and you can find your own place.

Don't move in with someone so quickly in future- especially if there've been fights!

Repeated fights at the start of a relationship is weird btw. Not something that should happen. Don'tput up with that when you start seeing someone else.

Stay at home if you're in the UK arsewipe!!

You can learn the hard way or the easy way: when red flags occur, especially so early on in a relationship, you walk away. Or you stay, get more feelings, her red flags get worse, you're too invested to leave, her red flags get worse again, you finally leave with a massive tear in your heart that needs years to fix. Your choice.

At the risk of sounding like an online medical diagnosis, or even projecting, she sounds a lot like I did at a similar age.
I finally got diagnosed with borderline personality disorder/emotionally unstable personality disorder, and until that point, being in my own head was a fucking nightmare, because I couldn't understand why my emotions were so intense and all over the place, and I had no control over them. Once I had a name and could look into it, things made a lot more sense.
It's a really horrible condition, and there's no cure as such, all that really helps is therapy and developing self awareness.
There's a really good book about having relationships when you've got EUPD, and for people who are with them. It's called 'I hate you, don't leave me', which sums it up quite well!
I might be completely wrong, I hope I am! But it might be worth looking in to.

I was about to say look up, 'I hate you, don't leave me'.

This is my 3rd relationship so far, first one lasted 1year and the second lasted 2 and half in which our parents messed it up for us. And now this one was completely new territory for me from the get go. I talked to a few people early on when we got together and they all mentioned, in their own words, that when you get the arguments and all the fighting out the way early then it's pretty much plain sailing from there. That's why I didn't break it off (when I really should have).

@TrailerTrash23 and @12345kbm thanks for this, I'm going to check that out soon. @Embracelife I was dropping off groceries and stayed for awhile, I don't want him risking going out given his age and health conditions.

And thanks everyone else for the replies, I know what to do now and the plan of action going forward.

OP, honestly, you need to take responsibility for making your own judgements about good vs bad relationships. You say your parents ‘messed up’ one of your relationships (how old were you?), and you seem to have initially listened to some really, really poor advice on this one — and now you’re listening, apparently in great surprise, to a bunch of strangers on the internet telling you it’s not a good idea to be living with and discussing marriage and kids with someone you’ve had an unstable, unhappy, argumentative relationship with for a mere four months! Especially when she has a young child.

What @WalledGarden said!! Adulting is hard and sometimes feels shitty but it's got to be done...

So. Genuine question - why did you think it was in any way acceptable to move into the home of a child your known a matter of WEEKS?

Even if she’s a car crash who cares more about a fuck than a child, why are you the same?

Poor child.