Page 3 | So for those of us not cohabiting.....

MozzchopsThirty · 2020-03-24T20:43:13+00:00

Are these the only options??? If I go and live with my boyfriend, but we both go to separate places of work, how will that work? How is it any different to me being here and him being there and me driving over?

Glitterb · 25/03/2020 19:30

I don’t live with my partner and we will now not see each other until lockdown is over. I am in and out of hospital with my Mum who is in the last few days of life and I cannot risk getting poorly and not being able to come in.
His Mum has been going to the pub regularly (up until they closed and now has symptoms 🙄) so I have asked him to stay away.

Runmybathforme · 25/03/2020 19:31

I can’t see a problem. I am at home during the week, drive to his at the weekend, we isolate there. No contact with anyone else.

armwrestler · 25/03/2020 19:41

Not seeing your partner is hard when you are cut off overnight from your other sources of love and comfort in family and friends. Not everyone can Skype or Facetime. Add to that you're about to lose your job and potentially your home, at the same time as worrying about your own and loved ones' health, particularly if you've already got poor mental and physical health. Not sure why some people find that hard to understand. While I'm not suggesting breaking the rules, have some empathy.

And this isn't for 3 weeks, either - it will be much longer.

FabulousUsername · 25/03/2020 19:48

Can anyone help me on this one.. not trying to derail and I agree with staying home and it's tough for all of us. I live alone and haven't seen another person for 2 days.. I'll be OK, I see the point of isolating.

My partner/boyfriend usually stays at mine, but returns to family home weekends so ex-wife can stay with her boyfriend.. it basically works like bird nesting, so he gets to spend time with teenage daughter. On Monday he was at the house, and ex wife has said she plans to spend the lockdown with her boyfriend.. fine, but how long ..? Does she (ex wife) now need to stay away from her DD until lockdown ends? Or could they trade off at some point? I'm not being selfish, just wondering what others think!

FabulousUsername · 25/03/2020 19:53

I agree, armwrestler! We need compassion. The saddest thing I'm seeing is how angry people are getting about enforcing the rules on others.

I just went got back from my one walk-- I swerved away from others and they from me, but when I smiled and said hello, about half of them blanked me or scowled at me. The rules don't forbid basic politeness!

Boxerman · 25/03/2020 20:07

hugely emotive subject and one that frankly nobody has an answer to as we don't know how this will end. I agree we need compassion, tolerance and understanding, but we also need to realise that nobody is immune to this, we MUST isolate if possible. I run a small business, i have no idea what will happen if i close but i have to be fair to my workforce and consider them too. My ex-wife is front line NHS, so i'm home schooling my kids whilst she tries to save lives, at some point we both realise she will no longer be able to see them for all our safety. I'm i a new relationship too but i cannot put my own thoughts first, as a nation we have to come together to fight this as otherwise a great many of us won't be here to worry about these issues. Please all be good, kind, tolerant and adhere to the distancing rules as best we can to fight this virus, we've a lot worse to face over the next few weeks as it is!!

Fentyplenty · 25/03/2020 20:18

This is really frustrating for those of in this situation but everyone’s situation is different.

Me and DP each live alone and have been working from home all week (and will do for the foreseeable). Surely one of us getting in the car, driving without stopping and staying in at the other’s for the weekend is minimal risk? It really annoys me that everyone so self righteous about this when there are so many households of several people, often with one still having to go out to work.

TenThousandSpoons · 25/03/2020 20:21

Why don’t you just move in together temporarily OP?

Teawaster · 25/03/2020 21:32

But people that live together don't have a choice. People who don't live together do and it's about doing what we can to stop the spread if we are able to do so .

Original poster

MozzchopsThirty · 25/03/2020 21:51

@TenThousandSpoons that's what we have decided to do
So once my dcs go to their dads on Sunday I will move into his house for as long as this lasts

OP posts:

mynameiswah · 25/03/2020 22:16

Struggling with this too. It's not that easy for everyone to "just move in together" like that, especially right now in a lockdown situation. My partner lives in a small room in a shared house and I live in a tiny flat with flatmates. He has a lot of computer setup - big screens and desk etc for work that he can't just move into my flat at a drop. He needs to stay where he is for work reasons and I need to work from home in my bedroom. There is simply no room in either of our places to fit us both and our work setups. So we're going to have to be apart, but it's a killer.

EmmiJay · 25/03/2020 23:03

Its hard. Miss the nookie. Hes in Brum with his family during this time. God help my neighbours ears when this is all over.

DishRanAwayWithTheSpoon · 25/03/2020 23:43

The thing is if you say drive home from work to his, then drive to work from his it's no extra journeys if you did want to see each other for example. Because you'd have to drive home from work anyway. I really don't see how it's different to sometimes go home to his and sometimes go home to yours.

Me and DP were long distance for a long time. Fortunately we have just moved in together, I work in the NHS and the I've found it quite hard and scary tbh, as everything has been changing so much, so much uncertainty. The job I do is very high risk. I'm so glad I've had my DP to come home to at night, this is actually the thing I am most grateful for, because I really don't know how Id have coped without him. I really feel for anyone in this situation unable to see their partners. A little compassion goes a long way..

Nanny0gg · 26/03/2020 09:04

I agree with DishRanAwayWithTheSpoon and IMO is no different to a child staying between two separated parent's homes, which is allowed

Do you really think comparing children coping to adults coping is remotely the same thing?

For heaven's sake, it's not forever and adults should be able to cope -especially with all the tech available.
It is an entirely different situation for children who already don't see as much of both parents as they want/need to!

armwrestler · 26/03/2020 09:19

For heaven's sake, it's not forever and adults should be able to cope

Try to understand that not everyone is able to cope, and that they may be in circumstances which are different to your own. Adults should be able to understand that, and to show some compassion.

okiedokieme · 26/03/2020 09:28

I'm at dp's was planning on moving in 3-6 months anyway. Kids are loving having the family home to themselves, their boyfriends have decamped to ours for the duration

1300cakes · 26/03/2020 09:51

But people that live together don't have a choice. People who don't live together do

If that's the issue, then why are people being advised to "move in together for the duration"? In that case they clearly have the ability to stay seperate as it's what they are already doing, so they do have a choice.

Shouldn't the advice in that case be "if you have any way of living solo you should do it". So a couple that lives together but has a holiday house, empty investment property or means to rent a new place should now live separately, surely.

If that would be unreasonable to ask of that couple, why is it different in your situation. I see what you mean, OP, it doesn't make sense really.

Teawaster · 26/03/2020 12:17

Well of course people who don't cohabit who decide to live together for the duration have made a choice . I was speaking about people who currently live together not usually having an option to do anything else . If people are being told to cohabit for the duration , then that is because it is less risky than spreading the virus across 2 households . The preferable solution is for 2 people in a relationship who don't live together is to not see each other . It's clearly not practical , advisable or even possible for people to move into holiday homes or rent properties in order to live alone.

Teawaster · 26/03/2020 12:22

Well of course people who don't cohabit who decide to live together for the duration have made a choice . I was speaking about people who currently live together not usually having an option to do anything else . If people are being told to cohabit for the duration , then that is because it is less risky than spreading the virus across 2 households . The preferable solution is for 2 people in a relationship who don't live together is to not see each other . It's clearly not practical , advisable or even possible for people to move into holiday homes or rent properties in order to live alone.

Fentyplenty · 26/03/2020 15:22

If people are being told to cohabit for the duration , then that is because it is less risky than spreading the virus across 2 households

That’s the point though. In my case, I,on my own constitute a household and it’s the same for my DP. We both live alone and wfh all week. We just don’t seem to be allowed apply common sense here, yet in the meantime, the people building a house further down my street carry on regardless!

DishRanAwayWithTheSpoon · 26/03/2020 15:29

@teawaster but how is less risky?

2 people live in one house

One person lives in one house, one person lives in one house -see each other (only each other) 2 nights a week. House is that more risky?

Even if it's 3 people in one house mixing with 3 from another, it's no less risky than 6 people living together

If anything it's slightly less risky to not live together, as if one person develops symptoms the other one can self isolate in their own home and therefore lower their risk

category12 · 26/03/2020 15:47

But isn't it quite unrealistic to say that they'd see only each other? Presumably both need to shop when living apart, so both may be exposed to other people. Whereas living together, only one need do the shopping, therefore you're exposed to less people. Eg. while shopping you pass close by 10 people, and shopping for himself, he also passes 10 people. That's 20 people you're exposed to/exposing. If you're living together and only one of you does the shopping, that person passes 10 people and comes home, and so that's only 10 you're exposed to/exposing.

ABitOdd · 26/03/2020 16:01

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at OP's request.

Teawaster · 26/03/2020 17:36

What category12 said. Probably more shopping trips , visits to garages for petrol, pharmacies etc , therefore more risk of spreading. I get that if someone is in complete isolation 24 hours a day and never goes out then visits someone who is in exactly the same position , there is minimal risk but both those people would have to have been in that situation for 14 days before the visit to be assured they couldn't pass it on .
Also how many people are in that situation where they have no need to go anywhere at all, given that online deliveries are booked up for weeks . The government had to make stringent rules which won't make sense for a minority of people but they can't make separate rules for every scenario . This isn't going to last forever

anotherdisaster · 26/03/2020 17:51

I sympathise OP and people are quick to get on their high horse. I 100% agree that people should stay home etc etc. Sadly, what is frustrating is that if people had adhered to the original rules, we wouldn't be in the situation. Idiots still going to pubs, cinema etc - they are the ones we have to thank for the spread of the virus. So people like us, who DO stay home and have stuck to the rules are now suffering because of it. I don't know when I'll see my boyfriend.
I went out for my daily walk with the kids (keeping our distance of course) and there were groups of teenagers gathered in the nature park behind my house - that was TODAY. Sadly there are still too many idiots in this world.