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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So for those of us not cohabiting.....

76 replies

MozzchopsThirty · 24/03/2020 20:43

Are these the only options???

If I go and live with my boyfriend, but we both go to separate places of work, how will that work?
How is it any different to me being here and him being there and me driving over?

So for those of us not cohabiting.....
OP posts:
Dzundza · 25/03/2020 13:00

how about you suck it up and get over it - some people are trying to come to terms with not seeing their partners

A lot of us are trying to come to terms with the fact that other peoples decision to not follow the rules could end our lives. I'm very vulnerable and my life literally depends on other people making the right decision. I feel that my whole expected lifespan is more important than not seeing a loved one for a few months. As it is I'm probably going to have to self isolate till there is a vaccin (in 18 to 24 months). Do you think that I enjoy that? Do you not think that I might want to meet my elderly father once again? It wouldn't even be bloody necessary if people would just stop being so selfish.

Minionmomma · 25/03/2020 13:00

You’re complaining about how I’m posting

Dzundza · 25/03/2020 13:03

No I was disagreeing about the content of your post. I am allowed to have a different opinion.

Minionmomma · 25/03/2020 13:03

@Dzundza I didn’t know your situation just as you don’t know mine.

What I’m highlighting in my posts is that there are ways of responding that are helpful and supportive and there are those that are just unnecessary and dismissive. ‘Suck it up’ being one of them.

Kindness does not cost a penny.

I wish you well and I hope you and your family and everybody you care for remain safe x

Minionmomma · 25/03/2020 13:04

Sorry @Dzundza that previous post of mine was a response to a different person

category12 · 25/03/2020 13:05

No, I'm responding to your criticism. You can post as much supportive and sensitive stuff as much as you like, but I won't be told off and let it pass if I disagree.

oreoxoreo · 25/03/2020 13:07

I just told my boyfriend to stay away because he decided he can still go and see his friends ('I am just popping in for a quick one') He is an idiot, he chose his friends over me, my DC, our relationship.

If he had to do it out of duty that would be so much different. But with this the future feels bleak.

Minionmomma · 25/03/2020 13:07

@category12 think we are going round in circles here. I’ll let you have the last word tho..

category12 · 25/03/2020 13:08

Good for you. Grin

Dzundza · 25/03/2020 13:09

Well I never said suck it up but I do despair of all these posters that feel that the rules are unfair on them. The whole crisis is unfair on everyone, nobody will get through this without some kind of sacrifice. So I do feel frustrated because all the "yes but" posts basically mean that the suffering will last longer. We should all try to decide that less suffering and a shorter crisis is a better outcome than trying to find loopholes. We can't make rules for everyone except Sandra, Marian and Bob. We're all in this together.

DishRanAwayWithTheSpoon · 25/03/2020 13:09

People on This thread blatantly misunderstanding OPs post and coming across like dicks Hmm

I don't really understand how living together and going to separate jobs and not living together and seeing each other, going to separate jobs is any different tbh. Both risk one spreading it to the other and their work place but one is completely fine? Assuming that if your DP gets symptoms you would still self isolate even if you don't live together.

It's okay to feel upset and scared about what's going on. It doesn't have to be just a case of 'suck it up'. Yes we have to follow the rules but you are allowed to have feelings.

Dzundza · 25/03/2020 13:11

I don't really understand how living together and going to separate jobs and not living together and seeing each other, going to separate jobs is any different tbh.*

It's one rule because we tried to advise people social distancing and they massively took the piss. Now it's not advice anymore but rules. This is the consequence of people not wanting to be mindful of other peoples health.

fantasmasgoria1 · 25/03/2020 13:13

I live with my fiance but if I didn't I would probably have moved in with him for the duration. I am missing my brother and I will not be seeing him for the next few weeks. Or my young adult children. It's safer and my daughter has a condition that makes her more vulnerable so I will not be seeing her for probably even longer. But it's necessary we all have phones and can stay in touch so that's what we have to do

Original poster
MozzchopsThirty · 25/03/2020 13:26

@DishRanAwayWithTheSpoon precisely

OP posts:
ravenmum · 25/03/2020 13:33

You mean travelling there by car, parking on drives and absolutely no risk of coming within 2m of another person apart from dp?

I also can't think of how that increases the risk to other people.

I'd still follow the instructions, though. If someone stopped me in my car for whatever reason and I had to say why I was travelling, I am too shit a liar to say that I was just coming from work, if I wasn't.

SimonJT · 25/03/2020 13:37

It is really hard, we had said if it came to it we would move in together, that happened earlier than expected as my son developed a cough so we had to start self isolation just over a week ago.

SybilWrites · 25/03/2020 13:39

I also can't see how it's an issue if neither me nor my boyfriend see anyone else but visit each others houses now and again. He lives alone and both of us are wfh. both of us are prepared to see each other, but not 100% of the time. I can't see how that is being selfish to other people if we are both happy to take the risk.

If we lived together but went out separately to the shops etc, it would be the same position I think.

BearimyJeremy · 25/03/2020 14:29

I'm so sad. I won't see my partner for weeks. He lives an hour's drive away. We usually spend weekends together. We've been together four years. I need a cuddle!

Musicaltheatremum · 25/03/2020 14:45

My partner and I have moved in together. He works from home and I am a GP we saw each other every day anyway but decided decamping to one house nearer my work would be better. We don't have kids at home so we both lived alone.
I just think it looks better to stay in one house rather than extra journeys between the two.

armwrestler · 25/03/2020 15:10

sybil i totally agree, my partner and I live 1 min from each other and can come and go without speaking to anyone or through shared spaces. We both work from home and will be seeing nobody else through this shite - it even means 1 trip to get shopping rather than 2. We were told today by work that we're likely to be working like this until autumn at least. I've got few friends, no family and 6 months of solitary confinement is going to send me over the edge, I can feel my mental health going already.

Teawaster · 25/03/2020 18:13

If someone visits a partner in their home and both live alone , then although that might appear to be the same as their partner having moved in at the start of this, if a partner does move in , there is probably less of a risk that there will be more trips to shops, pharmacies , petrol stations etc. Trips and therefore contact will be reduced because tasks will be shared . I think we have to accept that's the way it is and we shouldn't be trying to make ourselves exceptions to the rule. A family of 7 living together is a greater risk to the public than a family of 2 and those 7 would be better living alone but that's not obviously practical .

forumdonkey · 25/03/2020 18:37

I agree with DishRanAwayWithTheSpoon and IMO is no different to a child staying between two separated parent's homes, which is allowed.

Nanny0gg · 25/03/2020 19:13

Anyone would think you were waving your partners off to war!

How do you think those in the military cope? And for much, much longer.

And they can't phone and facetime all the time either.

BitchHazel · 25/03/2020 19:28

The whole point in this is to limit people moving around. I'm not even leaving work at the moment to go home for lunch because its not essential for me to do so.

By all means bunk up together in one home, but dont traipse back and forward between two houses. No matter how you try and justify it to yourself, the rules are clear and the reason they've had to be enforced is because nobody bothered when social distancing was advised and thought it didn't apply to them.

Stay. The fuck. At home.

Teawaster · 25/03/2020 19:28

Not allowing a child to see one parent for possibly months on end is a completely different scenario from 2 partners being apart . Apart from the compassion issue , children are less likely to get serious symptoms of the disease and given that they are no longer at school or going to supermarkets, they are not going to be a risk .
Someone said that if 2 partners are willing to take the risk and infect the other , then maybe they should think of the NHS staff , who are taking risks every day they treat someone and think about other patients that could suffer when people get the virus because they don't abide by the rules , especially when the system will come under even more pressure in forthcoming weeks

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