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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Will he contact me? How do I move on?

29 replies

Cherrycola2020 · 24/03/2020 15:14

I know everyone has other things to deal with especially right now but I’m feeling so sad and just want some advice and to have some hope.

I was seeing a guy for 18 months and it ended last year. I miss him very very much. He did get in touch with me 3 months after it ended and we tried being friends. But I just found it too difficult and I was honest with him. When I told him he sobbed on the phone. I decided to go NC. And honestly I’m very proud of myself for doing it. I didn’t know I could, I’m not the most self disciplined at times.

It’s been 3 months and I feel so sad. I just wonder if he’s moved on and a part of me constantly hopes he will contact me. I guess I want to know how likely that is?

I find it hard that he could just walk away. We broke up for valid reasons but I think things would be different now - but he didn’t want to get back together and I won’t allow myself to beg.

I keep wondering if he’s thinking of me and worrying about me because of this coronavirus even though he has no reason to because I’m fit and healthy. But I wonder if I ever pass through his mind.

Please don’t say just to move on and stop thinking of him. Do you think it’s likely he’ll ever get in touch with me again? Why did he sob so much on the phone when I said I couldn’t be friends if he didn’t feel anything for me. I’m so confused.

OP posts:
supercali77 · 24/03/2020 15:19

When you say you went NC - Did you remove him from all Social Media, Delete him from your phone thoroughly and block him? If not, you are not NC. Sorry, but that's how you do it. Anything less and you're holding onto something

Original poster
Cherrycola2020 · 24/03/2020 15:24

I blocked him on everything. I told him I had to as I would find it too difficult otherwise and he said he understood. But I still hope for him to contact me. He could always email or find a way Im sure.

OP posts:
Weirdomagnet · 24/03/2020 15:32

Unblock him! Wait and see... the downside though is you'll constantly be fretting about it when you don't hear from him, and in the end might drive yourself to contacting him despite all your best efforts up to now.

And you'll never know if he has already tried and given up because you blocked him, or if he never tried at all. It would drive you mad! 🌻

Minionmomma · 24/03/2020 15:32

You said you separated for valid reasons but that you think things would be different now. How do you know this? Did you love this man? Why would you allow your pride to stop you from reaching out to him and checking how is in these uncertain times..? They may be a starting point...

ErickBroch · 24/03/2020 15:35

You blocked him on everything and still hoped he would contact you. I mean, come on. Sorry but... really? If he had done then everyone would call him a stalker or creep.

Original poster
Cherrycola2020 · 24/03/2020 15:37

I know he hasn’t tried to get in touch because I said the only way he’d be able to contact me is email and I haven’t received anything....

Also I would reach out but he made it so clear he just wanted to be friends and that’s not what I want at all - and I want to be with someone who wants to be with me. I’d love him to make the effort and say he really loved me. I know I’ve changed a lot and things could be different and I hope he’s changed too but unless he reaches out I suppose I don’t want to go there and always have in the back of my mind that he wasn’t so bothered. I also don’t want to be knocked back.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherrycola2020 · 24/03/2020 15:39

I told him he could contact me by email if he changed his mind. I made it really clear to him that I loved him and wanted to be with him and that I couldn’t handle a friendship with him. I told him if he changed his mind and realised he loved me he could let me know by emailing me. I think I know he’ll never get in contact. I just don’t understand why he cried as much as he did.

OP posts:
ArriettyCArriettyC · 24/03/2020 15:54

Hello cola
This is almost exactly my situation, except in reverse, down to the blocking, email ... everything. I love(d) my partner very much but too much went wrong. I got back in touch, asked to be friends, cried when he said no. Because I do miss him so much and we did have a connection, although we couldn't make it work as a relationship.

Original poster
Cherrycola2020 · 24/03/2020 15:56

Did you block him or he block you? So sorry you’re going through this too. How are you feeling now? Has this pandemic caused you to reconsider? Flowers

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 24/03/2020 16:01

If you havent blocked him on email then youre not NC. Youve got to fully close the door or youre going to keep torturing yourself.

Original poster
Cherrycola2020 · 24/03/2020 16:05

I don’t know how you can block someone in email....

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherrycola2020 · 24/03/2020 16:06

I guess I’m wondering do you think he will likely contact me? I know no ones psychic but I have to ask

OP posts:
Minionmomma · 24/03/2020 16:13

Why don’t you unblock him on social media, have a little stalk and it may answer some of your questions re whether he’s moved on. That may just stoke up your feelings even more though.

CoffeeRunner · 24/03/2020 16:14

I’m in a similar situation. I occasionally wonder if he’s thinking about me at all at the moment - and I suspect he is as he knows I work in a hospital in a major city. It would be natural to see what’s going on in the world & think “I wonder if Coffee’s OK?”

In my case though, he blocked me. It was all over, we were going round in circles, lives going in opposite directions etc., but I couldn’t actually bring myself to be the one to cut ties. So if he did want to get in touch he is the one who could, by unblocking me on something or other.

FWIW though, I don’t think he will.

Original poster
Cherrycola2020 · 24/03/2020 17:24

Even if I unblock him I can’t see much as I defriended him and his profile is private. I guess I could unblock him on WhatsApp and he might notice and message....

But then again maybe he’s just moved on. I always hoped in time he would realise he loved me and email me and ask to meet....

Am I being hopelessly naive?

OP posts:
ChangeOfName2020 · 24/03/2020 17:49

You've laid your cards out and given him a way to contact you if he had a change of heart, but as hurtful as it is- he hasn't.

It's not the same but I was ghosted a couple of months ago by someone I truly felt I had a connection with, that I had been seeing for a good while.

Someone on here said the line "he is communicating by not communicating" and that's true in your case.

I wouldn't recommend unblocking him, as it'll take you back to square one and potentially cause you more pain and angst.

Leave it be. There will be someone out there who will move heaven and earth to be with you.

Original poster
Cherrycola2020 · 24/03/2020 18:15

Thanks change. That’s how I felt when I went no contact - that I wanted someone who truly wanted to be with me. I guess even in the time of corona he doesn’t. Sigh.

OP posts:
Fairycake2 · 24/03/2020 18:17

Please stop torturing yourself. It will only make things harder for you to get over. You've got to stop thinking about whether he will be in touch or not. He gave you your answer and you need to remember that he meant it. His lack of contact also speaks volumes. I know that sounds harsh but I speak from experience. My 'DH' walked away from me and hasn't been in touch since. It was really tough, and hurt like hell that he could be so heartless, but has actually made things easier in many ways. I've since blocked him on everything so I'm not constantly wondering if he will be in touch. Particularly hard at the moment I know, but try and do things to take your mind off him and focus on the future. Take comfort in friends and family and make a conscious effort to think of something else when he does pop into your mind. It gets easier with practise 💐

Original poster
Cherrycola2020 · 24/03/2020 18:19

Thank you. It is like torture. I’m not sure I’ve stopped thinking about him in the last 3 months although some points felt much easier than others. Surprisingly initially I felt very ok about it. But recently it seems to have got much harder. I’ll try and put it behind me.

I do just think it’s strange he was sobbing when we last spoke which does I suppose give me some hope...

OP posts:
Yallreadyforthis · 24/03/2020 18:25

OP
So, you are hoping that he'll wake up, realise that he is madly in love, and that he wants a future with you, yes?

You asked how he can just walk away? Because he doesn't want what you want.

Unrequited love really hurts, but if he wanted to contact you, he would.

Poppygirl96 · 24/03/2020 19:03

Why did you guys split if you don’t mind me asking?

GenxfeellikeaBoomer · 24/03/2020 19:06

The aim is that you stop caring whether or not he tried to contact you. Not that you find out whether or not he tried.You will get there.

Original poster
Cherrycola2020 · 24/03/2020 20:09

Is it possible to ever truly get over someone? It’s been 9 months since we broke up. 3 months no contact.

OP posts:
ArriettyCArriettyC · 24/03/2020 21:51

Hi cherry, it is so so tough. I have found the Paul McKenna book 'I can heal your broken heart' really helpful. There is a hypnosis cd too which you listen to before you sleep. Read the reviews on Amazon - loads of people have found it really helpful

Fairycake2 · 24/03/2020 22:09

You will get over it but it's only time that truly makes that happen I'm afraid. Three months following NC is still fairly early days. Give yourself a break and take one day at a time